Do you feel ashamed of your lack of achievements? What do you regret in life?

Comparing yourself to others is the path to insanity. It’s corny to say but true: you can only focus on being the best version of you.

It sounds like you’re going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. It’s normal and hopefully it’ll pass before you buy a sports car.
 
I only have one regret, which is that I honestly wish I learned to surf when I was young. Surfing, to me, ticks all of the happiness boxes:

Being outside
Being with nature
Needing to be really fit
Learning a very difficult skill
Doing something exciting

I'm 47 now, and having to take a month's rest from exercise on the advice of a physio due to sprained upper abdominal muscles!

Oh well, hopefully when I'm better I can go back to triathlon training, but my plans to learn to be a silver surfer are cancelled.
 
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jeffk said:
Comparing yourself to others is the path to insanity. It’s corny to say but true: you can only focus on being the best version of you.
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Many people say that but we all compare ourselves to others by default, its human nature. Otherwise how are you suppose to keep yourself in check? Knowing right from wrong, going down the right path compared to the wrong path? You be just sleep walking through life.
 
You can't change the past.

I turned down promotions, didn't move job when i should have, refused to drive or even take a test well into my 40s for environmental reasons, didn't sleep with women when i could have, slept with women when i shouldn't have, spent my teen years into my early 20s hanging around with junkies and crims and was lucky to walk away with nothing more than some good stories.

I'm now married (again!), my wife is a wonderful person, my kids are great and i'm healthy.

I don't regret much, it all took me to where i am - i live in now and life is good.
 
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I guess I've done okay but I have always felt I could have achieved a lot more career wise (50 now). I wish I could go back in time and give the lazy lackadaisical 20 year old me a good kick up the backside.


edit: Also, Bitcoin.
 
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malachi said:
Many people say that but we all compare ourselves to others by default, its human nature. Otherwise how are you suppose to keep yourself in check? Knowing right from wrong, going down the right path compared to the wrong path? You be just sleep walking through life.
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Yes it is human nature which is why people are correcting it by saying that.

You compare yourself today, to yourself from yesterday or a year ago.

If you will compare yourself to others, well then its rough. Soon enough it will be July, followed by August.
 
My biggest regret is completing a humdrum mediocre university course before rushing into a shockingly dull job/ career in administration That was soul crushing at the time. Things picked up substantially when I started working for myself in a manual job. Since then I’ve had a few regrets but nothing of note but that’s because I’ve done well. The biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that friends and family are the most important thing in your life. But strive to excel and you won’t regret that either!
 
Cheers guys, lots of good perspectives in here (and a few reminders of other things I wish I'd done - did a day surfing course on a family holiday when I was young and fit, really enjoyed it, but not living anywhere near the coast put a pin in that. If I'd been bothered I could have made the effort though. Tried again a couple of years ago and really struggled :().

No worries about remortgaging the house for a Ferrari or pancaking myself against a HGV on a bike. Feet firmly planted on the ground and I know that overall I've got it good :)
 
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Hard to say.

Suspect for many they regret things that they can’t control or could not reasonably have controlled at the time. Which in fairness isn’t really a regret at all.

Also going back and changing things just means either making the same mistakes or forging the opposite set of regrets (not having enough fun or making friends or being present etc).
 
413x said:
Been musing about this a lot this year. Due to some. Family and personal stuff making me realise "time is precious"


Regrets..
Big one is doing molecular biology at uni
I should have done engineering.. My life would be different

-Being too passive/shy in my 20s.
This goes for my previous relationship, my job, my social life. Really. I can't remember much about my 20s at all in terms of highlights. It's like a black hole of time. Shocking.
-caring what others think.. Ie fitting in.

30s have picked up. With the end of my old relationship I turned things around. Started caring less. Started doing more. But that's only ramped up last 4 years.


Last 5 years positives:
-Moving to Wales instead of just staying put.
-Changing jobs again and again for better salary/conditions and realising I'll probably never love my career but it facilitates my life.
-Big one: Going on more holidays, the thing I love most
-Taking up kayaking/mtb and adrenaline sports
-Realising that people are most just acquaintances and not friends.. Big change here is it's OK. And I don't get sad if I lose a friend.. They probably weren't a friend.. I didn't lose them.
- Talking in a relationship about problems rather than burying them.
-Big one: Not giving a F about what other think... I play Dnd and I tell people about it.. Yes.. Even women! ... It goes further... If I want to dress up like my female fairy Dnd character? Yeah I'm gonna do it.
I never used to do what I wanted due to "fitting in" no more!
Why did I wear jeans for so long? I hate them. Roll on the leggings!


I've got a lot of time to make up. And do not want to end up like my parents wealthy and miserable (and their own fault).


Things to do.
-ways use work holiday for holiday. No more using holiday for "a day off"
-buying a van to go exploring
-hopefully emigration in a few years.


My big issue is I have a tendency to be "passive" and not chase what I want. And it's always work to keep out of this mindset.

I'm glad I've identified it and am making changes.
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Wow this could have been my post almost to the letter.

I'm passive too and I hate it. I want to be aggressive, confident and powerful but don't know how.

I did engineering at uni, regret it, should have done economics. Should have gone to London.

Failed marriage with abusive woman in my 20s and 2 kids who I'm cut off from. Massive regrets that I didn't have the self awareness and self esteem to see this at the time. Why didn't I learn to play the piano, do more outdoor activities like the mountain biking, try to meet more people socially and learn to scuba dive like I did after my divorce into my 30s and now 40s?

Now I'm 43 and itching to do something more important. I have a reasonably well paid job but no real responsibility and progression opportunity. I don't see my friends as much as I used to, people from work don't go out as much as they used to. I'm definitely a bit stuck, looking for change but struggling to find something meaningful.

So yeah I have tonnes of regrets but not a great financial situation due to the previous children and so I can't just give things up to make a sudden lifestyle change.

Work in progress.
 
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Nope, no regrets. None at all.

Have held a full time job since college, earn decent money, own my own home, have 2 kids, no health issues......I'm actually very happy with myself.
 
For me, I'm not sure if they are regrets as such, but I've always felt I was meant for more - I appreciate that's a bit rich to say and also likely as I'm approaching the big 40.

Some things that "haunt me"....

- I have always wanted to be a pilot, I sort of had the opportunity to pursue it when I was younger, but I didn't prioritise it / too risk adverse. I could likely find the funds over time to get a PPL now, but have I? Nope.
- Career envy - not going certain routes / making decisions
- Though I've been fortunate to travel for fun and travel for business, I never really went "travelling". Thinking about it now, I would have loved 6-12 months around the world. The longest stint I did was 6 weeks in Aus during 2009 (my place let us bank our short time working agreements due to the down turn and take them all at once)...it meant East coast travel, whilst also getting paid... NYE in Sydney...I still speak to some people today I met in those 6 weeks. It makes me think, what would 6 months+ done...

Then all of the above is weighed up against:

- I do have a job which would be seen as good and good pay
- Happily married with 2 kids
- We do have the funds to travel now, we have just returned from Lapland with the kids, more trips already planned.

Would these last points of happened if I had done all of the above, who knows....
 
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I'm 32, i regret that I'm still around most the time.
If it wasn't for my cat Ronnie and family, I probably wouldn't be. When I adopted Ronnie last year he genuinely saved me. Sorry for being morbid haha

But "career" path, relationships not persued (the kind that still keep you awake playing back the scenario in your head) and the hints that where not actioned upon.

I have no money issues and mortgage will be paid off in under 10 years (moved in last year) so no issue with that but just general unhappy with cards dealt.
 
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MatsyLR said:
I have no money issues and mortgage will be paid off in under 10 years (moved in last year) so no issue with that but just general unhappy with cards dealt.
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Sounds like a great starting position to make a change at only 32. People would kill to be mortgage free by 40.

Pretty much everyone has been dealt a few bad cards, can't expect a royal flush.
 
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My biggest regret is not joining the forces, I wanted to be a Royal Marine from a young age but opted to get an education prior and ended up prioritising money, career ambitions and a relationship over it. Passing out with a green ‘lid’ would be a pretty incredible achievement if you're able to do it.
 
Are there things I wish I done differently? Sure but overall I'm happy.

When I was 20 I moved abroad for the first time, £70 in my pocket, £100 in the bank, backpack and suitcase with some clothes and open return ticket if it didn't work out. I had job in a hotel and they also provided accommodation and food. Stayed in catering till 27 and eventually, thanks to my brother, I got a job as a trainee CAD technician and then worked my way up.

Now @43 I have a good job that I enjoy and that pays well. We bought what should be our forever house 3 years ago, mortgage should be paid off in next 15 years maybe even earlier.
 
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