Do you feel ashamed of your lack of achievements? What do you regret in life?

[Spacedeck]

There are many things I imagine I might have done differently. I could have stayed in school for starters, could have not grown up with anxiety which ended up defining my life so far and still affects me to this day.

I don't tend to look back and dwell on things though, more so I try to concentrate on what's coming up. Even though our situation isn't good, had things have gone differently, I wouldn't have met my two kids.

 

[dazza13]

I turn 50 this year and can't say i have any real regrets, yes looking back you could say that there are things i could have done differently but then my life may have taken a different path, i might not have met my wife would not have 2 kids a good job and a house that i've almost paid off.

I try not to worry to much about what i didn't do, and think more about i can do going forward.

 

[sbweightman]

I guess it depends on what you define as an “achievement” – is it making your own family, creating a lasting legacy, such as starring in a movie or curing cancer, or is it like for most people, just existing from one day to the next? Most people will never achieve much outside of their own little world-scope, but for me, that’s perfectly fine.

In my life, I’d say I’ve ‘achieved’ very little. As I edge towards the big 4-0, I’m still living at home with my parents, working in a dead end job which I’ve been in for so long, I wouldn’t even know how to start looking to work elsewhere. But am I unhappy? No, I’m content with my life, partially because I accepted I would never achieve much. We’re all stones being thrown into the pond of life - some create a big splash and massive ripples affecting lots of people in lots of different ways, others just skim across the top and barely leave a mark. But at the end of the day, we all sink to the bottom and settle, each just as equal as the other.

I’m healthy, wealthy and comfortable (enough) to accept life and continue to live on. Whilst it seems as though I’m going nowhere and I’m still waiting for my grown-up life to begin, I hold the optimism that in a years’ time, everything could have changed – I could be living in a different country, new job, new life, new partner, new everything. But experience has taught me in a year’s time, I’ll probably be in exactly the same place as I am now, just a year older.

Do I have regrets? Of course – I went to University, but didn’t do the research and chose a worse one than I could have gone to. Had I done so, and actually worked at my degree, I could be in a completely different life. Do I dwell on my regrets? No - it’s the old sliding doors analogy – you have no idea how the other life would have spanned out, and there’s not much you can do to change it by look forward.

As others have said, don’t compare yourself against others. Set your own goals and live your life how you want to. If conventions like marriage, 2.4 children and 9-5 don’t work for you, ignore them. Do what you want that makes you (and others) happy. I’ve travelled the world, played hundreds of video games, watched thousands of movies and read far less than I should have. And when it’s time for me to go, hopefully not a long while yet, I’ll do so gracefully and look forward to the next adventure, even if it is nothing more than feeding some worms .

 

[sbweightman]

I should note I don’t fully regret my choice of university - I still learnt a lot and made some great friends and some great memories. But looking back, I feel as though choosing that University was the wrong choice for me. Same for the way I treated/treat people, and other choices I’ve made in my life. But dwelling on them doesn’t help unless you’re willing to take action. And as I’m not, as I’m one of those ‘passives’ referred to elsewhere in this thread, there’s no point getting hung up on it. So you move on and hopefully make fewer mistakes.

 

[Junglist]

I learned many years ago that comparing myself to others will always lead to unhappiness, so I don't bother.

"Comparison is the thief of all joy"

Not really ashamed. It is what it is.

Actually, I'm quite proud of what I've achieved. Rolled out of school with 1 GCSE worth as damn (A* in Religious Studies of all subjects. Ds and Cs everywhere else.) and through sheer hard work and applying myself I think I've built a decent life for myself. Paid enough to be on the higher tax bracket, own a home (with mortgage of course which between my partner and I we saved up the deposit for ourself with verry little outside help. Neither of our families are exactly rich so we didn't have the benefit of being given a big lumpsum towards it), an OK car, lovely daughter and I suppose an OK cat and dog.

Granted, I'm not wearing a Gucci belt or driving a Ferrari like a lot of you on here but I am content with my life. No point watching what everyone else has, we are all running our own race.

Could I have applied myself better at school and go on to university and do better for myself? Absolutely, but I didn't. There is little value in beating myself up for things now out of my control and wishing for what the next guy has.

 

[Gaijin]

Easier said than done, and it is natural to ponder what could have been. But lingering substantially and comprehensively on regrets is but a fools errand. You are where you are, and everything that has happened - good or bad - has brought you to where you are today.

Comparing yourself to others is a fallacy, they are on a different journey and are afforded different opportunities both in quality and frequency than you are. If they are friends, be happy for their success. If you can't be happy for them, perhaps they aren't really friends. Similarly, surround yourself with people who will support your goals and create a nurturing environment.

Control what you can control and spend some time planning. Spending some time thinking, categorising, and writing down your goals no matter how small or grandiose they are. Put them in a spreadsheet/Google Doc and then in the next column, put the smallest measurable metric that will advance you towards said goal. When you've done each step, add the next step. Keep a log of each step you've completed for each activity so you can look back at the end of the year/period and see what you've done. Books such as "Getting stuff done" (by David Allen) and "Atomic Habits" (by James Clear) are good for this kind of thing.

• Family/Kids
• Relationships
• Fun
• Reading more
• Academic goals
• Self improvement
• Financial goals
• DIY Projects
• Exercise/Fitness/Self Image/Discipline Goals
• Mental health
• Material possessions
• Career/Vocational goals

This is particularly relevant given the time of the year. I used to be sceptical of new years resolutions and using the beginning of the year as a milestone for anything, as technically you can do it at any point, but it's a good marker to start new and draw a line in the sand. The weather will only get better and by the time it worsens, you'll be able to look back on what you've achieved. If you haven't achieved much, or anything this year, it's a time to prepare and reset.

The hardest part is to follow one's own advice, which i'm going to try and do now. Good luck!

 

[Jim99]

Everyone is vulnerable to this.

I was talking to a director at work, who probably earned £150k per year. He was a bit down, because he'd spent the weekend with a CIO friend who'd taken both couples to his holiday home by flying his personal helicopter. He couldn't stop talking about how he needed to find a CxO level job at some point.

Another colleague had worked with a bunch of board members, and mentioned to me that one of them had confided they had doubts occasionally, because despite owning what was effectively a country estate and driving a Bentley etc, it had occurred to them that their kids were now going to university and they barely knew them, and their relationship with their wife was basically broken. Due in most part to spending all their time working.

I still think about it a lot, there are plenty of opportunities I've missed and people I look at who appear to be tremendously successful. But then you don't know what they've been through to get there and how they feel about it. Someone I went to school with has had a great career, but someone recently told me he'd become an alcoholic at one point due to work stress and wasn't sure if he'd got any better - still doing high pressure jobs.

The challenge is in finding comfort in what you've done, why you did it and the journey you've been on.

 

[jaybee]

Not selling my GPU for 200 bitcoin.

Everyone has a bitcoin story but yeah, me too. I became aware of bitcoin on these very forums very early. I genuinely saw the potential and toyed with the idea of buying some. At the time I was absolutely not in a financial position to spend money on what might have just been some random, geeky, online, virtual currency thing. I had much bigger priorities, so left it.

 

[Raymond Lin]

Everyone has a bitcoin story but yeah, me too. I became aware of bitcoin on these very forums very early. I genuinely saw the potential and toyed with the idea of buying some. At the time I was absolutely not in a financial position to spend money on what might have just been some random, geeky, online, virtual currency thing. I had much bigger priorities, so left it.

I was going to build a mining rig with a friend back in 2015 ! I think at the time it only took a couple of months to mine a single coin...or whatever time scale it was, it wasn't decades.

 

[413x]

I'm 32, i regret that I'm still around most the time.
If it wasn't for my cat Ronnie and family, I probably wouldn't be. When I adopted Ronnie last year he genuinely saved me. Sorry for being morbid haha

But "career" path, relationships not persued (the kind that still keep you awake playing back the scenario in your head) and the hints that where not actioned upon.

I have no money issues and mortgage will be paid off in under 10 years (moved in last year) so no issue with that but just general unhappy with cards dealt.

Sorry to hear this. This sounds like depression (I know it well). Might be worth getting some help.

Its tough not to let life and mental issues get on top of you if you are susceptible to that.

Have you thought of just trying new things? The hardest part I find is actually starting/getting out there. Maybe counselling or medication might help?

 

[413x]

I should note I don’t fully regret my choice of university - I still learnt a lot and made some great friends and some great memories. But looking back, I feel as though choosing that University was the wrong choice for me. Same for the way I treated/treat people, and other choices I’ve made in my life. But dwelling on them doesn’t help unless you’re willing to take action. And as I’m not, as I’m one of those ‘passives’ referred to elsewhere in this thread, there’s no point getting hung up on it. So you move on and hopefully make fewer mistakes.

Yeah I should have done something practical. Or if university engineering or medicine.

Unfortunately, at the time, you are just pushed to uni if you're "academic". And my parents had no experience so just thought I should go. And being a "go with the flow" type I did what I was for at.

Unfortunately science is interesting to learn.. But many jobs are underpaid lab work with little Excitement. Or you can do PhD and come out at late 20s with a mediocre job (not always) and lots of debt and very few jobs.


I wish I had known that bio science after undergrad is basically terrible. But I didn't research it, and nobody tells you.

 

[Haggisman]

Why would it have to be gambling everything you have? Just to learn the guitar etc.

Yeah fair enough, and I'm working on that; like I said, finding the time is the biggest hurdle (and the motivation after a mentally draining day at work)

Massive career regrets ,personal life regrets, but hey i am mortgage free in Cornwall ,i was up visiting my folks near Leeds and was literally shouting in my car stuck again in traffic "how the hell do you all live like this?"

Sounds great, living in Birmingham is definitely not conducive to a healthy mental state, and we're working on moving somewhere a lot more out of the way, that's still at least 5-10 years away though

 

[malachi]

Yes it is human nature which is why people are correcting it by saying that.

You compare yourself today, to yourself from yesterday or a year ago.

If you will compare yourself to others, well then its rough. Soon enough it will be July, followed by August.

I mean, people say you should not compare yourself to others because of whatever negative reason it will bring. When that's not always true, it's good to have people around you to keep you on your toes.

 

[lemonkettaz]

I used to do the whole comparison thing with my life to other peoples lives...

But I now realise everyone has their struggles and things aren't always as they seem.

My 30s have been the best years because I care less ultimately.

I thought dropping out of uni years ago was a big deal, turns out it isn't and no one cares, although I'm finally finishing the degree thing this year so that is one little regret being overturned I guess, even though going to uni in the first place was a mistake.

I chinned off being a student and went in the army nearly 14 years ago now, I didn't know it back then but it has completely made me and now I have a good foundation of happiness, professional development, personal character to have a solid mid life lol. I owe a lot to my now wife who i met not long after joining as well.

Its nice having money, new cars etc but it all means absolutely nothing for personal happiness to me. I mean, I won't turn down flashy things but I now focus on physical and mental health and I put money into that, like gyms etc but everyone is different and now this is just me rambling. There is no secret to life and everyone has their demons.. that's the be all and end all really, just have to find the happiness in the small things in life.

 

[lemonkettaz]

I've learned to be happy sat having a coffee outside, or the feeling after a 40min workout as naff as that sounds. But I can capture that happiness often, whereas a big new purchase, or a promotion at work pr whatever is not sustainable for consistent healthy mind.

 

[UTmaniac]

Especially given where my health is now with long covid, I regret not realising the South Downs lanes/hills were less than an hour away to cycle to until 2017, having lived in Southampton since late '92. Also rather late on joining the Strava bandwagon in '17, to see where the hill segments were.

 

[Zefan]

My biggest regret is not joining the forces, I wanted to be a Royal Marine from a young age but opted to get an education prior and ended up prioritising money, career ambitions and a relationship over it. Passing out with a green ‘lid’ would be a pretty incredible achievement if you're able to do it.

There's plenty of ways to be a hardcore mother****er, definitely worth pursuing something like that if you've had that as an aspiration in the past. Are you definitely too old to reserves?

I used to do the whole comparison thing with my life to other peoples lives...

But I now realise everyone has their struggles and things aren't always as they seem.

My 30s have been the best years because I care less ultimately.

I thought dropping out of uni years ago was a big deal, turns out it isn't and no one cares, although I'm finally finishing the degree thing this year so that is one little regret being overturned I guess, even though going to uni in the first place was a mistake.

I chinned off being a student and went in the army nearly 14 years ago now, I didn't know it back then but it has completely made me and now I have a good foundation of happiness, professional development, personal character to have a solid mid life lol. I owe a lot to my now wife who i met not long after joining as well.

Its nice having money, new cars etc but it all means absolutely nothing for personal happiness to me. I mean, I won't turn down flashy things but I now focus on physical and mental health and I put money into that, like gyms etc but everyone is different and now this is just me rambling. There is no secret to life and everyone has their demons.. that's the be all and end all really, just have to find the happiness in the small things in life.

Bro r u me (except I was a glorious flyboy not a stinky pongo )

 

[Freefaller]

Nah. No point in regret. Either do something about it or be happy/content with your life.

2 kids, good job, comfy life and a home it's hard to feel like I haven't achieved things. I've taken up new hobbies and am doing well there. Learning new things. Even signed up to an apprenticeship at work to get more skills and learning.

Comparison is the thief of joy as they say, as long as I'm getting better/doing better than I was then I can't complain. Do I wish I had done more or do more? Yes of course, but from where I've come from and done in the past I'm in a good place.

 

[Roar87]

People actually spend their life thinking they need to accumulate achievements? lol. It doesn't matter, no one cares, no one will remember you, you're an irrelevant speck in eternity. Just enjoy your time.

 

[doodah]

Should have done better at uni but made up for it and in a great job and industry. And I shouldn't have followed my friends in being mean to a kid called Edwin at school by inviting him to a fake party. As others have said, no point in constantly looking back - it will eat you up. Do your best and be good/kind to others, that's all we can really do .

Edit - should have built my mining rig a few months earlier, kept my 0.5 BTC and farmed different coins but was still up (just, ignoring the 0.5 BTC) so minimal regrets.