Do you have family members you just don't understand? Or even like?

Tykey

Tykey

Tykey

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Firstly, I love my brother, he's my flesh and blood. But I really don't understand him, mainly because of the way he treats my mother. We have a brilliant mum, I know people often say this about their mums/dads etc but honestly my mum has gone above and beyond to look after us, through thick and thin. My brother often talks down to her, never a card nevermind a present on today (mothers day) or birthdays or xmas.

If it wasn't for me putting a stop to it he'd be regularly literally screaming at her, and in fact in 1 incident when I wasn't there he put her in hospital when he slammed a door in her face knocking her over. I try to treat my mum with respect and knowing that at her age (76) she won't live a lot longer. I don't want to regret not treating my mum correctly. Our Dad died when we were quite young, my brother never got on with him either.

Honestly, she shows no favouritism. He doesn't even address her as Mum or Mother, he calls her by her actual name. It's a lack of respect. Not even sure of the reason I'm posting this, I guess I needed to rant as yet another Mothers Day passes with zero acknowledgement from him. Do you have family you just don't understand, or don't like even though you may love them?
 
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Yes... I have many family members that I don't like and IF they wasn't family I would quite enjoy punching them in the head serval times..
But sadly; we live in a civilized society where that kinda stuff isn't looked on favourably so I just try to keep my distance and grit my teeth when I'm forced to be in their presence.

In regards of your situ... do you spend much time with your mother? as much as your brother does?
It's easy to put up with a person if you don't have to spend much time with them but if a person has to be with another person for long periods of time then even the smallest habit/thing can be come a trigger...

I used to have to spend a lot of time with my mum.. I have never been physical or rude to her, but it was me that had to take her shopping, to the doctors and so forth. One of my brothers' didn't like the way I spoke to her and he said as much; as I admittedly was quick to raise my voice. Anyway; I've moved far, far away... and my relationship with my mother got better for it... now that he has to be the old that does all her chores; bearly in mind how much she moans when she feels that it's not done in the manner that she likes it, well... lets just say "HA!"...
 
I didn’t like my Nan (dad’s mum). Miserable old bat who was very nasty to her husband and children and barely ever said a word to me, totally ignored me most of the time like I didn’t even exist. Never even sent a card or present at Christmas time. Tight doesn’t even cover it. My dad used to do a lot for her when she got old, odd jobs, give her nice joints of meat from our stall, sorted a lot out with carers when she got Alzheimer’s and she never once thanked him or left a penny for us when she died with over £150k in the bank. Horrible person, no love for her at all. My other nan was like an angel compared to her.
 
Most of my Mums side of the family are crazy. No loyalty. Game players. I don't talk to most of them.

I'm an only child. But I had 3 cousins on my Dads side. 1 cousin felt like we were cut from the same cloth while the other two seemed to think differently.

I don't think it's all life experience either because 2 cousins were brothers yet were opposite personalities.

I'm down to 1 cousin these days, the one I spent the most time with. We agree on 60% of things. But the other 40% we're very different. I'm more of a home body, like the family, while he travels all over. He's more competitive and likes the best. I'm happy to just get by.
 
When my dad died my aunt, his sister. Tried to rinse my mum for everything and anything she could. Completely unemotional just tried picking the bones for anything.... Never seen her since the funeral, or sadly my two cousins, because of that **** she pulled. My dad was the only one of 3 siblings that amounted to anything. She was a complete tramp, 3 kids 3 different dads etc etc. you can imagine the type.
I don't hate her but I did at the time.
 
slinxy said:
Yes... I have many family members that I don't like and IF they wasn't family I would quite enjoy punching them in the head serval times..
But sadly; we live in a civilized society where that kinda stuff isn't looked on favourably so I just try to keep my distance and grit my teeth when I'm forced to be in their presence.

In regards of your situ... do you spend much time with your mother? as much as your brother does?
It's easy to put up with a person if you don't have to spend much time with them but if a person has to be with another person for long periods of time then even the smallest habit/thing can be come a trigger...

I used to have to spend a lot of time with my mum.. I have never been physical or rude to her, but it was me that had to take her shopping, to the doctors and so forth. One of my brothers' didn't like the way I spoke to her and he said as much; as I admittedly was quick to raise my voice. Anyway; I've moved far, far away... and my relationship with my mother got better for it... now that he has to be the old that does all her chores; bearly in mind how much she moans when she feels that it's not done in the manner that she likes it, well... lets just say "HA!"...
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We both spend a lot of time with our mum, we see her almost everyday usually. I have no problem with seeing my mum a lot, I don't see why he would. He just has some sort of issue with her. It must be disclosed, and I should have said this in my 1st post, that he is not well mentally. I've been where he is now with regards to my mental health and I still treated my mum with respect. He doesn't treat other people as badly as he treats our mum but he does struggle to maintain close friendships etc, he gets quite controlling and he tries that with us. I have none of it but my mother finds it harder to prevent.

He's not all bad, i.e. he's generous and usually he will help out by doing things like odd jobs for his mum (i'm useless in that way). He is given some leeway because of his mental health, and we do feel for him over this, but his actions cannot be left unchecked because if they were he'd make her life really awful.
 
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I've never really understood the "blood is thicker than water" saying, if your family members are ****s then they're ****s and just because you're unfortunately biologically related doesn't alter that fact.

By the tone of this post it may be obvious I have family members who are ****s, haven't spoken to them for many many years and have no intention to speak to them again *shrug*.

I have good friends and decided a long time ago that I don't need ****s in my life.
 
Freakbro said:
I've never really understood the "blood is thicker than water" saying, if your family members are ****s then they're ****s and just because you're unfortunately biologically related doesn't alter that fact.

By the tone of this post it may be obvious I have family members who are ****s, haven't spoken to them for many many years and have no intention to speak to them again *shrug*.

I have good friends and decided a long time ago that I don't need ****s in my life.
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It’s entirely natural to care for them more than non-family due to genetics, gene selection etc.
 
Mason- said:
It’s entirely natural to care for them more than non-family due to genetics, gene selection etc.
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I expect it's a combination of Nature and Nurture and as always unkown to the extent of influence of each.

Quick google brings up


Friends become increasingly important to health and happiness as people age, according to new research in the journal Personal Relationships. They’re so crucial, in fact, that having supportive friendships in old age was found to be a stronger predictor of wellbeing than having strong family connections.
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I have always had a difficult relationship with my dad.

He was never there as a dad, only in conception, never in life.

He left when I was 11, only ever thought about himself and I was left disappointed and vying for someone to love me and value me. Things I've had to deal with as an adult with a lot of work.
The thing is, he didn't have it easy in life and I don't think he knows what it's like to be a dad (but do any dads?) His dad died when he was 8. He wasn't told by him mum. He was told by someone else and still sent to school and bullied for it throughout. Never was given the chance to grieve properly at all.
He then lost his sister later in life, and was told by his parents that they wished it was him and not her.
So I can feel a lot of empathy for him, and at the same time it meant he passed on a lot of that **** to me by not dealing with it. He drank a lot when I was younger and that has just got worse. He's an alcoholic. There is no two ways about it.
He's incapable of being alone with this thoughts and everything anyone does just makes him angry and bitter.
My sister lives in thailand and he is so angry she moved there and "left him" but he's not angry, he's just a hurt little boy.
He has a place in Spain that, when I had just agreed to separate from my ex wife, decided to take my 3 kids over there for some time with him and his Mrs. (not my mum)
The entire time was a balance of managing a drunk or being verbally abused when he was drunk. Instead of enjoying the time, he spent the time abusing me that I had taken so long to come in the first place. I wonder why? At a time where my world was crumbling and yet there we go again. Of course.

I sent him a long email saying that I couldn't take this level of abuse constantly from him and I wasn't going to, for me and my kids. I also said I loved him but he needed help or he'd lose everyone around him. I said that I would always be here if he choose to try and get help.

He obviously took offense to this and said I was a *****. And then we spoke sporadically after this. I suggested we meet somewhere neutral and chatted. He never sorted anything.
Every time he got ****** and was in a mood, he'd send me little digs like "shame you'll never come to spain again but oh well" - I never said this, I said I'd love to be out there but wouldn't be subject to his abuse.
He messaged my ex wife when ****** and clearly angry about my email and said he wanted to make sure they were in his will, because he was going to cut me out of it. Nice one. I don't care.

All went quiet a bit until last week.

I was in Thailand and woke up to a slew of abusive messages calling me a see you next tuesday, that I think I'm special but I'm just a ****. A whole torrent of abuse.
His Mrs had left him alone while she went away and he promised not to drink, but got ****** and was angry and alone (something he'll have to get used to now) and when this happens, the apparent people he loves, get it.

So I blocked him. I've cut him out of my life and that's it. While it's sad, and I would love to have him in my life, I will never accept that just because he helped bring me into this world, that I have to accept that level of his unhealed trauma.

He was the reason I didn't want to be a dad growing up. I was terrified I'd be like him. But it's your choice who you are and choose to be. I spent my life making sure that I am not a product of his behaviour and my kids don't feel that through me.
 
Yup.
My sister, been years since we talked due to her actions, only just making steps to communicate but only for the benefit of my niece who is suffering from the family split and me not not being allowed contact with her as a result.

Got to take one for the team and play happy families, even our lass who's normally mellow as hell is biting her lip through all this.
 
Freakbro said:
I've never really understood the "blood is thicker than water" saying, if your family members are ****s then they're ****s and just because you're unfortunately biologically related doesn't alter that fact.

By the tone of this post it may be obvious I have family members who are ****s, haven't spoken to them for many many years and have no intention to speak to them again *shrug*.

I have good friends and decided a long time ago that I don't need ****s in my life.
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Trust me if my brother wasn't mentally ill I'd have a lot less to do with him, but he is. We're not close as it is, never have been. My mother still thinks a lot of him which I suppose is natural when it's your son. He is not well, I've been there and everyday can be very difficult. I'm not sure how much of how he is down to his illness or down to his personality / him just being him. Before he was ill he wasn't great with his mum but he's definitely worse since he got ill.
 
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