Do you have family members you just don't understand? Or even like?

Tykey said:
We both spend a lot of time with our mum, we see her almost everyday usually. I have no problem with seeing my mum a lot, I don't see why he would. He just has some sort of issue with her. It must be disclosed, and I should have said this in my 1st post, that he is not well mentally. I've been where he is now with regards to my mental health and I still treated my mum with respect. He doesn't treat other people as badly as he treats our mum but he does struggle to maintain close friendships etc, he gets quite controlling and he tries that with us. I have none of it but my mother finds it harder to prevent.

He's not all bad, i.e. he's generous and usually he will help out by doing things like odd jobs for his mum (i'm useless in that way). He is given some leeway because of his mental health, and we do feel for him over this, but his actions cannot be left unchecked because if they were he'd make her life really awful.
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maybe it's better for him to spend less time with your mum... "absence makes the heart grow fonder" et al..

It's like with my mum, if she had it her way; everyone would move back in under the same roof and be there at her beck and call. Forget that everyone else have their own lives to live.
She's just a demanding person and determined to get her way.. but what can we do; she's our mother and we just got to put up with it until the time comes.
 
Not really, closet thing would be my great aunt on my dad's side was a bit strange, very strict, just treated children quite strangely and it was hard to communicate with her. She was a spinster and I found out many years later there was some animosity between her and my grandmother as apparently she'd been sending my grandfather letters during the war, which sounds quite petty but I think in those days sending your sister's husband personal letters was frowned upon (I guess that was the 1940s version of sliding into their DMs), may well have been a bit more too it than that. I can't remember seeing her more than a handful of times anyway so not really long enough to form a proper opinion of her.

Reflecting on this I suppose I don't actually interact with blood relatives excluding my children that much, basically I speak to my dad a couple of times a month, everyone else is either dead or we speak every few years. Perhaps a shame because none of them are bad people and I actually like a few of them.
 
randomshenans said:
I have always had a difficult relationship with my dad.

He was never there as a dad, only in conception, never in life.

He left when I was 11, only ever thought about himself and I was left disappointed and vying for someone to love me and value me. Things I've had to deal with as an adult with a lot of work.
The thing is, he didn't have it easy in life and I don't think he knows what it's like to be a dad (but do any dads?) His dad died when he was 8. He wasn't told by him mum. He was told by someone else and still sent to school and bullied for it throughout. Never was given the chance to grieve properly at all.
He then lost his sister later in life, and was told by his parents that they wished it was him and not her.
So I can feel a lot of empathy for him, and at the same time it meant he passed on a lot of that **** to me by not dealing with it. He drank a lot when I was younger and that has just got worse. He's an alcoholic. There is no two ways about it.
He's incapable of being alone with this thoughts and everything anyone does just makes him angry and bitter.
My sister lives in thailand and he is so angry she moved there and "left him" but he's not angry, he's just a hurt little boy.
He has a place in Spain that, when I had just agreed to separate from my ex wife, decided to take my 3 kids over there for some time with him and his Mrs. (not my mum)
The entire time was a balance of managing a drunk or being verbally abused when he was drunk. Instead of enjoying the time, he spent the time abusing me that I had taken so long to come in the first place. I wonder why? At a time where my world was crumbling and yet there we go again. Of course.

I sent him a long email saying that I couldn't take this level of abuse constantly from him and I wasn't going to, for me and my kids. I also said I loved him but he needed help or he'd lose everyone around him. I said that I would always be here if he choose to try and get help.

He obviously took offense to this and said I was a *****. And then we spoke sporadically after this. I suggested we meet somewhere neutral and chatted. He never sorted anything.
Every time he got ****** and was in a mood, he'd send me little digs like "shame you'll never come to spain again but oh well" - I never said this, I said I'd love to be out there but wouldn't be subject to his abuse.
He messaged my ex wife when ****** and clearly angry about my email and said he wanted to make sure they were in his will, because he was going to cut me out of it. Nice one. I don't care.

All went quiet a bit until last week.

I was in Thailand and woke up to a slew of abusive messages calling me a see you next tuesday, that I think I'm special but I'm just a ****. A whole torrent of abuse.
His Mrs had left him alone while she went away and he promised not to drink, but got ****** and was angry and alone (something he'll have to get used to now) and when this happens, the apparent people he loves, get it.

So I blocked him. I've cut him out of my life and that's it. While it's sad, and I would love to have him in my life, I will never accept that just because he helped bring me into this world, that I have to accept that level of his unhealed trauma.

He was the reason I didn't want to be a dad growing up. I was terrified I'd be like him. But it's your choice who you are and choose to be. I spent my life making sure that I am not a product of his behaviour and my kids don't feel that through me.
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I don't quite know what I want to say here other than your last two sentences are really, genuinely, uplifting.
 
I find the majority of my family..... hard work. Always have. I had a great relationship with my grandfather but outside of that, I wouldn't call us a close family at all.
 
Lopéz said:
I find the majority of my family..... hard work. Always have. I had a great relationship with my grandfather but outside of that, I wouldn't call us a close family at all.
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Same here, the best family relationship I had was with my grandfather.

My sister and I are civil to each other but are like chalk and cheese.
 
I have not spoken to my sister for around 15 years, because she is selfish and caused a lot of problems for herself and others.
She had a child at quite a young age (19) and she didn't know who the Father was, she got 5 DNA tests done for Fathers all came back negative.

When her son was 2 years old, she started a relationship with a guy who social services were following, and they advised my sister that she was not able to continue a relationship with him because she had a young child, he was a convicted child molester who had abused a young child in his own family. My sister decided to continue a relationship with this person, after telling scoial services she would end it, they found out and gave her a few more chances to end it, she didn't. Her son was put into mine and my wife's care as we didn't want him going into the foster system, we ended up Fostering him for 10+ years.

My sister caused so many problems for us when we fostered her son, because she was jealous that we had her son. It got that bad that my wife worked at a school as a teaching assistant and my sister sent pornograph images "presumably" downloaded from the internal of some weird lesbian images but with no faces and wrote a letter to the school claiming it was my wife in the images, of course it wasn't. The letter was not signed but when the police got involved they obtained some of her handwiriting and there was some similiarities in the writing style but she tried to mask her writing and it was enough that the CPS and police said they could not take further action even though they believed it was her doing. Other minor things happened over the years also, but this was the worst of them all.

My sister also stole money from my mother towards the end of my mothers life (my mother had MS and was in & out hospital a lot for the last 2 years of her life) My isster stole money from her, and she even open credit accounts with various calatogues, credit cards etc all in my mothers name without anybody knowing until my mother died. That was a mess to sort, and actually my Dad had to pay most of these debts as it was nigh on impossible to prove they were fraudulent credit accounts.

My sister I believe is into drugs and has never worked in her life and just sponges from the tax payer.

I have not seen or spoken to her in over 15 years now and this is how I wish for it to stay.
 
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Yes I seem to be running out of aunties and uncles but the grief they have caused my mum and family in general it’s just easier to cut them out and ignore them.

A sad state of affairs when it comes to that.
 
I have a very small family. We're down to 6 of us now and whilst they can annoy me and I'm probably not as tolerant/patient with my mum as I should be, I'm very grateful to have had a stable relationship with a 'normal' family. When my brother moved out of the flat last year, a few people were saying how we needed to see a solicitor to get things in writing. Who owned what proportion of the flat etc (as we'd both been paying the mortgage to that point) but we were both like 'Nah, we'll work it out when I sell it' and some folk couldn't believe we would trust each other like that. I do get it. Some families will f each other over. That's just not how our family is. Sorry, mine's a boring story. Don't know why I commented really?!
 
AndyCr15 said:
I have a very small family. We're down to 6 of us now and whilst they can annoy me and I'm probably not as tolerant/patient with my mum as I should be, I'm very grateful to have had a stable relationship with a 'normal' family. When my brother moved out of the flat last year, a few people were saying how we needed to see a solicitor to get things in writing. Who owned what proportion of the flat etc (as we'd both been paying the mortgage to that point) but we were both like 'Nah, we'll work it out when I sell it' and some folk couldn't believe we would trust each other like that. I do get it. Some families will f each other over. That's just not how our family is. Sorry, mine's a boring story. Don't know why I commented really?!
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Always good to get both sides, good and bad.
 
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A few. Mum’s cousin. When her parents died, my mum and I helped out clearing out the homes.

When my grandmother died - mum’s cousin did JS. This upset my mum and fell out:
 
My father is next level. Well documented on here, terrible human being who i will never speak to again. My life is so much better off without him in it.
Until you break the cycle, seize control and end the abuse by cutting the toxic waste from your life you will never find peace.

If I had a brother like the OP, I would resort to violence, there's a line....
 
I have an aunt that lives in Purley. My parents live near Staines. She has recently been in hospital for some sort of mental issues, but this has gone on for years - she will go to my parents to visit, and after about half an hour announce that she's going to get her hair cut or her nails done, or she needs to go buy some ham or something....no one forces her to come over. It's very strange.
 
My mother is incredibly hard work. I love her and all but when she visits 2 weeks is enough for me. Nothing bad but she is incredibly high maintenance and totally oblivious to anyone's needs. I was raised by my father from 8 years old who got custody so I guess that explains why we are not as close as most would be.

She is a quintessential stereotype of a boomer.
 
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My parents used to get a Christmas card from mum’s sister and chocolate teapot weakling husband. Plus the odd one line email. The last few cards were written by husband. Then nothing.

Mum decided to Google her sister’s full name - having a very unusual middle name helps. Only to discover she died 2 years earlier. Mum decided to order a death certificate - just in case sister died of something genetic. Heard of someone having breast cancer and none of her daughters had it but three of four of nieces had it. Aunt died of MSA and it sounds horrific. No wonder last few cards were written by her chocolate teapot husband.

My mum and sister didn’t get on. Would have been reasonable to contact mum saying that her sister died. It was during Covid and the farce of the Leicester lockdown.
 
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