Dubious things video gaming has taught me.....

[adolf hamster]

figured this could be a fun idea for a thread, basic premise is simply things we do in video games that would serve you pretty poorly if you tried it in real life. it could be games in general or one specific game.

i'll start us off:

in general:
-if i'm ever sick i should always just walk near medical supplies and i will instantly feel better
-if i get shot i shouldn't worry, it'll be fine in a few seconds, or if not i can just sprint to the nearest medicine cabinet.
-i should run literally everywhere, and jump all the time when i'm not moving
-i can do anything, no matter how stupid or dangerous, as long as i press f5 first
-there is no combat situation that cannot be solved by the gratuitous use of grenades
-sprinting with multiple heavy weapons is just as easy as sprinting with a pistol
-talking of heavy weapons, why use a rucksack when i can carry everything in my invisible pocket of no gravity

from borderlands:
-when i've mortally wounded someone, my best tactic to finish them off is to immediately run away, hide and wait for them to die
-using explosive ammunition at point blank range is perfectly safe
-chemical warfare is perfectly acceptable

from gta:
-if i want a car the best way to do it is to run into traffic, open someone's door and shout at them to get out
-if i'm being chased by the police then as long as i can hide for more than a minute i'll be instantly exonerated of any and all crimes
-it's perfectly possible to shoot an uzi one-handed from a moving vehicle and hit a target over 100 yards away

from dirt rally:
-the only thing that ever breaks on a rally car is the radiator

i'm sure i can think of more but not right now, so ocuk, any other stupid lessons you've learned from video games?

 

[bloodiedathame]

Err... if there's load of armour and ammo about, you're about to fight a boss. Or you're in a gun shop in 'Murica.

 

[kindai]

If you need to infiltrate a highly guarded nuclear facility, simply hide in a cardboard box and a guard will take the box to whatever area you have labeled on the outside without question.

No matter what melee weapon you have, you will be more effective in close combat no matter what gun the person holds.

I can apparently just get into any vehicle, boat, aircraft and can work out how to fly or drive it easily in a few short minutes.

 

[Conscript]

You run faster if you're holding a knife.

 

[GBRusty]

Skyrim: If I want to shoplift I can just place a nearby bucket on the shopkeeper's head and they won't mind (or see)

Any racing game: When driving, I don't need to use my brakes when approaching any corner...just use another car's side panels.

GTA: If I visit a prostitute I can kill them and get my money back. Bargain!

 

[Devrij]

Alright I'm game

Meditation is a great way to pass the time quickly.

Feel free to rob people's houses. They won't notice.

Simply pointing at an enemy is a great way to accurately communicate their location to your entire force.

 

[adolf hamster]

some good ones so far.

on the topic of skyrim:
-there's no point in using my sheild against arrows because until i level up then 2" of wood apparently doesnt stop them
-if i'm bad at sneaking then people can see me through walls when i'm not moving, if i'm good at sneaking they cant see me come at them head on in broad daylight
-full plate armour isn't heavy or bulky, so i can carry 5 full sets on me and still be able to fight
-i don't need to talk, ever, people just understand me
-i can safely climb down any cliff, no matter how steep or how high, if i walk slowly enough
-whilst i can pick up a longbow and instantly hit the bullseye every time, there's no point because even if i hit someone in the eye at point blank they'll just shrug it off

 

[heartburnron]

Blue Asairi aliens have no nipples.

Edit: Nor do female humans in space apparently.

 

[Drollic]

If you run and jump and upon landing jump again in a certain way, it's faster than running.

 

[Armageus]

Duck jumping is in fact a thing

There's always some space at the bottom of your backpack that's difficult to utilise because of the grid system.

Spoiler

half life and diablo 2 respectively

 

[Mlynek]

You can crash a car going over 100mph and come out with only small dents to your bumper at worst but if you ever flip it upside down run for your life as it will explode in seconds

 

[Ree]

Simply pointing at an enemy is a great way to accurately communicate their location to your entire force.

keep up the good work soldier without you we would be lost on the battlefield

 

[Rifte]

Skyrim: If I want to shoplift I can just place a nearby bucket on the shopkeeper's head and they won't mind (or see)

Haha I so hope this is true! I have to try this!

 

[theone8181]

Haha I so hope this is true! I have to try this!

Lol i've clocked up a few hours on skyrim but didn't know this either.

 

[strumpusplunket]

• Eating food will instantly cure physical inuries.
• I can eat a whole roast chicken or a leg of pork in less than one second. Even if I'm engaged in hand-to-hand combat.
• Also, my stomach has a limitless capacity.
• No matter how gravely injured I am, an hour's sleep will see me right as rain.
• If I'm in a fight to the death with a skilled opponent, simply hiding from them for a minute or so will cause them to forget I was ever there.
• Highly trained guards will only be alarmed by the murder of one of their comrades for a couple of minutes.
• Same highly trained guards really dislike the sound of their base's alarm system, so they'll turn it off after a few minutes and then just go back to whatever they were doing beforehand.
• It's impossible to climb over any obstacle higher than about mid-shin level. Don't even bother trying. It can't be done.
• Any shopkeeper, baker, butcher, publican (etc.) will happily buy whatever junk you happen to have in your bag.

 

[suenstar]

Here's a few...

- All frying pans are bulletproof.
- If I jump out of a moving vehicle and hit a tree before hitting the ground I won't get hurt at all.
- Horses can walk up a completely vertical surface.
- People will be perfectly happy to get on a rollercoaster that doesn't have all of its track.
- Nobody in the military can shoot straight.
- A crossbow bolt can travel the same distance as a round from a sniper rifle.
- All animals carry useful items, money and sometimes even rare objects.
- If I open a storage chest and remove it's contents, when I go to sleep the chest will magically refill overnight.
- I can carry a whole range of heavy weapons without being impeded in any way.
- It is perfectly acceptable to walk around any major city with a rocket launcher.
- If I ever get shot anywhere on my body, wrapping my forearm with a bandage will heal the wound instantly.

 

[adolf hamster]

another one from gta: the police won't touch me if i'm careering through traffic crashing into people in a stolen car, but if i mildly touch a police car with a car i own i'll get immediately shot.

from cod: the cheytac intervention is best used when quick fired from the shoulder (look up forgotten weapons video on it to see why that's really stupid advice)

in general: shooting people in the foot will kill them instantly

 

[MikeTheNative]

If I disagree with how a company behaves, I buy the product first then go complain on the internet about it.

 

[cheesyboy]

- Don't hit chickens
- Always pull levers
- And push buttons
- Finders keepers

 

[x-st]

Wandering around town, interrupting and then talking to random strangers over and over again always yields good results.