I went to Uni yesterday and during a break in between lectures I felt a turd monkey trying to force its way out, so off I skipped to use the loo in the library cafe. I walk in and sit down on the pan and get my phone out and start texting as I had a feeling that I'd be in there for a while due to the rumbling noises from my belly. I'd finished my texts and for some reason reached forward and put my phone in my bag that I'd hung on the back of the loo door. I'd also switched it off as I didn't want the theme tune to Family Guy blaring out whilst I was sitting there and someone walk into the loo and listen to me chatting away.
Anyway, I reckon around the five minute mark everything went dark. I thought the light bulb had blown above me but I realised that ALL of the lights had went out. Ahhhh ... motion detecters!!! So there I am, slacks around my ankles with a couple of pounds of number poo directly below me stinking the place out. I always whack loads of loo roll down first to avoid splash back so I had a nice little brown volcano shaped turd floating on the loo roll threatening to brush against my ass cheeks at anytime. I kid you not, the place was pitch black. You couldn't see your own hand an inch away from your face. I was praying for someone to come in (despite the pong) but nothing.
I tried waving my arms about ... Nothing. I'd dare not stand up as that would mean my arse cheeks squeezing together, so I fumbled for my phone and cursing myself for putting it in my bag. I'm reaching for my bag and farting at the same time as I'm now trying not to laugh at how stupid I must look (if I could see myself that is) and the pressure of not laughing is causing me to guff quite violently. I've now managed to knock my bag off of the back of the door and some of the contents have spilled out onto the floor.
PLEASE SOMEONE ... COME INTO THE LOO AND ACTIVATE THE LIGHTS!
Nowt. I can hear the hand drier going off like crazy in the girls loo next door and and their toilet door opening and closing all of the time. Still nothing. Just me and the dark.
I hated the thought that my hands were brushing on the lino (well pee'd on I'd imagine) trying to find my phone as it wasn't in my bag. Then my hand found it! Oh, deep joy! Thank you lord ... Thank yo .... Wait a minute. Something was wrong. It didn't feel right in my hand. The bloody back had popped off and the battery had popped out
Sweet Jesus.
I'm sweeping the floor with my hands again looking for the battery and at the same time wondering what if it's out of reach and I have no option but to stand up, run out of the cubicle and run back in when the lights came on. I'm praying I don't have to do that. At last the battery is in my hands and I'm putting it into the phone and then I see a little red light come on. Yippee.
Trouble is, I have a Blackberry Storm and these buggers take ages to start up. All this time not one single fella has entered the loo that would activate the lights. Soon I have light and I use my phone to see where the end of the loo roll is and if 'downstairs' is clean enough to stand up.
Job done.
I point my phone and its life saving light in the direction of the flush buttons to press the big fella for number poos and I hear the toilet flush only to drop the bloody phone again I saw that it had hit off of the edge of the pan but wasn't sure if it had actually fallen in as the battery had come out again causing that place to plunge into darkness again!!! FFS
I opened the door of the cubicle and ran out and danced about for a couple of seconds before the lights finally came on and went to look for my phone. The battery was sitting on the loo seat and my screen had cracked (but still works). I threw my stuff into my bag cursing the world and all of the eco warrior type hippies that have made the last 15/20 mins of my life a friggin' nightmare.
I sat in most of my lectures after that giggling away to myself like a wee lassie
Why I've decided to share this with you I'll never know
Anyway, I reckon around the five minute mark everything went dark. I thought the light bulb had blown above me but I realised that ALL of the lights had went out. Ahhhh ... motion detecters!!! So there I am, slacks around my ankles with a couple of pounds of number poo directly below me stinking the place out. I always whack loads of loo roll down first to avoid splash back so I had a nice little brown volcano shaped turd floating on the loo roll threatening to brush against my ass cheeks at anytime. I kid you not, the place was pitch black. You couldn't see your own hand an inch away from your face. I was praying for someone to come in (despite the pong) but nothing.
I tried waving my arms about ... Nothing. I'd dare not stand up as that would mean my arse cheeks squeezing together, so I fumbled for my phone and cursing myself for putting it in my bag. I'm reaching for my bag and farting at the same time as I'm now trying not to laugh at how stupid I must look (if I could see myself that is) and the pressure of not laughing is causing me to guff quite violently. I've now managed to knock my bag off of the back of the door and some of the contents have spilled out onto the floor.
PLEASE SOMEONE ... COME INTO THE LOO AND ACTIVATE THE LIGHTS!
Nowt. I can hear the hand drier going off like crazy in the girls loo next door and and their toilet door opening and closing all of the time. Still nothing. Just me and the dark.
I hated the thought that my hands were brushing on the lino (well pee'd on I'd imagine) trying to find my phone as it wasn't in my bag. Then my hand found it! Oh, deep joy! Thank you lord ... Thank yo .... Wait a minute. Something was wrong. It didn't feel right in my hand. The bloody back had popped off and the battery had popped out
Sweet Jesus. I'm sweeping the floor with my hands again looking for the battery and at the same time wondering what if it's out of reach and I have no option but to stand up, run out of the cubicle and run back in when the lights came on. I'm praying I don't have to do that. At last the battery is in my hands and I'm putting it into the phone and then I see a little red light come on. Yippee.
Trouble is, I have a Blackberry Storm and these buggers take ages to start up. All this time not one single fella has entered the loo that would activate the lights. Soon I have light and I use my phone to see where the end of the loo roll is and if 'downstairs' is clean enough to stand up.
Job done.
I point my phone and its life saving light in the direction of the flush buttons to press the big fella for number poos and I hear the toilet flush only to drop the bloody phone again
I saw that it had hit off of the edge of the pan but wasn't sure if it had actually fallen in as the battery had come out again causing that place to plunge into darkness again!!! FFS I opened the door of the cubicle and ran out and danced about for a couple of seconds before the lights finally came on and went to look for my phone. The battery was sitting on the loo seat and my screen had cracked (but still works). I threw my stuff into my bag cursing the world and all of the eco warrior type hippies that have made the last 15/20 mins of my life a friggin' nightmare.
I sat in most of my lectures after that giggling away to myself like a wee lassie
Why I've decided to share this with you I'll never know
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