Family dispute incoming

potatolord

potatolord

potatolord

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Well, I've just found out my mum gave my sister a free house, which is worth £300k at least. It was a holiday home my folks bought 20 odd years back.

My sister had been living there, rent-free, since about 2009. I've had a few conversations with my mum since then where she has told me (lied!) that she still owned it.

My auntie dropped some very heavy hints earlier this week that my sister now owned it. I checked land registry today and have found out my mum gave it to her in 2021, at a ridiculously low valuation.

I'm both angry and sad that my mum has lied to my face, on multiple occasions.

I'm fuming about the money, but sickened that my mum has been lying to me, for years. I don't feel like i can ever trust her again after this.

I'm dreading the conversation- absolutely dreading it. It feels like it could go so badly that it might be a relationship ender with my mum, but I cannot avoid talking about it.

Does anyone have any useful advice on how I could approach that conversation?
 
Having a family blown apart over inheritance I guess I'd say.

Think about if you want to lose your relationship with your mum over it or not. That's not to say you shouldn't. Just think about it. Because it could very well go that way.

Edit.

If you don't care.. You can say whatever you want.
But if you do, you'll probably need to enter into it very very carefully. Many people can feel attacked when presented with this type of accusation. Especially if you make it come across like this. Then it can all blow up.

Edit 2.

If it was me, and I was getting almost nothing (I don't know what your split is after this news) and a sibling was getting loads.. I'd probably say "fine.. But im not helping out with any old age care responsibilities".
 
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Mentioning capital gains tax may not be the most helpful but it's one way to approach it

If HMRC find it wasn't sold at around market value there could be a fine involved.

That'd be spiteful though.

Just live with it, why are you bothered? I don't care about what help my sibling got from my parents, good for them, that's their business.

E: Maybe you mum has been 'lying'' for worrying about you losing your mind over it.
 
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adidan said:
Mentioning capital gains tax may not be the most helpful but it's one way to approach it

If HMRC find it wasn't sold at around market value there could be a fine involved.

That'd be spiteful though.

Just live with it, why are you bothered? I don't care about what help my sibling got from my parents, good for them, that's their business.
Click to expand...
Especially if you are a lord.
 
money or a house isn’t worth losing a relationship with your mother / family.

Are you in a significantly better off financial position than your sister, own your own house etc?

Personally talk it over, find out what her reasoning was. If there is a solution : perhaps she has something set aside for you and take it from there.

Life is short and your mother is precious, and blowing up could have consequences you may regret for the rest of your life.
 
413x said:
Having a family blown apart over inheritance I guess I'd say.

Think about if you want to lose your relationship with your mum over it or not. That's not to say you shouldn't. Just think about it. Because it could very well go that way.

Edit.

If you don't care.. You can say whatever you want.
But if you do, you'll probably need to enter into it very very carefully. Many people can feel attacked when presented with this type of accusation. Especially if you make it come across like this. Then it can all blow up.

Edit 2.

If it was me, and I was getting almost nothing (I don't know what your split is after this news) and a sibling was getting loads.. I'd probably say "fine.. But im not helping out with any old age care responsibilities".
Click to expand...

Thanks for the only helpful response.

This is my worry- I have to talk about it, but am worried it will go very badly indeed.

It's the lying that gets to me.
 
You’ve been fed at least one major lie then imo it’s time to make your feelings known, some families are just not what you would imagine.
For better or for worse get rid of all the lies, but you won’t, they’ll carry on regardless.

Cut to the chase let them know exactly how you feel.
 
potatolord said:
Thanks for the only helpful response.

This is my worry- I have to talk about it, but am worried it will go very badly indeed.

It's the lying that gets to me.
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I mean I don't know your not your mum but she may well have been worried about your reaction.

That's sad if it's the case but these types of things will only get resolved by talking them through.

In the grand scheme of things, it's best to sort things out. My dad died relatively young and, thankfully, we had a good relationship. Best to talk things out while you can.
 
Craterloads said:
money or a house isn’t worth losing a relationship with your mother / family.

Are you in a significantly better off financial position than your sister, own your own house etc?

Personally talk it over, find out what her reasoning was. If there is a solution : perhaps she has something set aside for you and take it from there.

Life is short and your mother is precious, and blowing up could have consequences you may regret for the rest of your life.
Click to expand...

No, they're way better off than me. I have a house, which I'll finish paying off in my sixties.

It's not the money- it's the repeated lying. How can I trust her, knowing she's lied to my face for years?

I know about the potential consequences of the conversation. That worries me terribly.

One thing I do know is that people who get caught in a lie can react very badly indeed.
 
potatolord said:
Thanks for the only helpful response.

This is my worry- I have to talk about it, but am worried it will go very badly indeed.

It's the lying that gets to me.
Click to expand...

Try not to let it get confrontational until you get the facts. Maybe just ask "oh i recently found out..." or something.
What you don't want to do is alienate evreryone and maybe lose out on a relationship with your family AND lose out on any other inheritance you might get.

I very much doubt letting it get out of control will end up "oh sorry ill reverse that, my bad". But if you were gonna get her current house let's say, it might lose you that.

Only you really know (out of us) if your mum is capable of talking about it rationally.

Difficult situation with lots of nuances.
A) Because sister got that house.. You get rest.
Is a lot different to
B) Sister gets everything.. You get nothing.

Although both are on the table. Your mum is entitled to do anything. But if it was B).. You're well entitled to wash your hands of the family.. If you so wished.
 
I think parents shouldn't play favourites with their children and inheritance. Default split should be even unless people agree that more should go to one person to help them out.

In my case, my younger sister is the only one out of us who still lives at home, and has no real hope of getting on the housing ladder.

If the worst should happen, I'd have no issue with her living there for for the foreseeable, but I'd still want a portion of underlying ownership or some other arrangement in place.
 
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