Family dispute incoming

[potatolord]

Continued...

Mum was gutted.

She said she'll give me £££££. I said she can't give me her savings, and I won't accept it anyway.

She said she'll have to sell her house, and give me money. Again, I said no as that's just foolish talk.

The will is 50/50, and now my mum has realised that my sister has already benefited. She's not happy and now wants to change her will. I told her to think carefully about that, before doing anything.

It then came up that my sister has a high value item of mum's (>£10k) with all receipts and documentation associated, in her house. She said she wanted to buy it, but no money has changed hands. She's had it for at least six months. My mum has asked her to return it, but she hasn't.

After all that I am fuming. I'm not sure whether this is coercion or whatever but something stinks.

I felt better for having got it out in the open, and my mum said the same, but I feel bad for giving my mum the knowledge.

I told my mum it's up to her if she wants to talk with my sister about it, but I have had enough of her (sister) and see no good coming from talking to her.

Christ knows where this is going to end up.

Just got home, so will ring my mum later to check up on her, after this horrible shock. She seemed OK when I left, but y'know...

 

[potatolord]

Well, I just checked in on my mum by phone, she's OK, but a bit sad.

Could be worse.

 

[potatolord]

The fact the first reaction was that the OP thought he might never speak to his mother again over what she does with her own money tells me that he's not too dissimilar to his sister. Not "This doesn't sound like mum, I'd better see what's up!" or something like that, just immediate anger and thoughts about cutting her out of his life. It's sad that inheritance money is all that parents mean to some people.

I could have worded my first post better/ differently, I guess. I'd just got the news and was pretty annoyed with the situation and dashed it off. I'm glad I thought more about the conversation than I did about that post.

My worry was mostly about the conversation, and how that could escalate in unpredictable ways. I was never planning to stop talking to my mum over this- she's the only one i have. What I didn't know was how she'd react and where that might go from there.

Overall, I'm glad I took the risk of raising it here- I got some helpful advice

 

[potatolord]

@BigT

A special thank you for you!

Your post entirely changed the way I approached the chat and, I'm pretty sure, made it less confrontational and more productive.

I appreciate that a lot.

 

[potatolord]

Because this isn't the forum I would bring this kind of thread to, I'm not surprised at the reaction in the slightest.

Hehehe, I was expecting a mixed response, to say the least.

However, I got enough helpful advice to make it worthwhile.

Most of the people I expected to be ...unhelpful were unhelpful in the expected way way (edit: not having ago at you here, by the way).

 

[potatolord]

I'm actually getting irritated on your mum's behalf here, your sister is clearly a manipulating, lying, piece of ****.

I'd be going for the jugular, do everything for your mum to set things right.

Dunno what your relationship is with your sister but this would be an ender for me.

Check the house isn't listed for sale somewhere, who knows what she's up to.

Main thing is to make sure she can't take advantage of my mum again. Mum's asked me to find a solicitor to demand return of the high value item. I've told my mum to ask nicely first. If she plays silly buggers, it's just going to reinforce what mum's already learned, and it can go legal.

I never thought my sister could be like this. It's a hard lesson to learn.

Christ, what a bloody mess.

 

[potatolord]

Well, funnily enough I had another chat with mum at the weekend about this.

I explained to my mum how lying to me has damaged my trust in her. I'm not sure she understands why I feel like this, despite me doing my best to explain.

It's still horrible and I'm not sure where it will go.

 

[potatolord]

I'm not entirely sure it's your mum you should be upset with and lost trust in.

From what you've said your mum was anxious about you knowing, so there must have been something in this, so maybe you could reflect on yourself and what you might be able to do to make yourself more approachable. I'm not sure continuing to tell your mum you can't trust her is going to help put her faith in you to confidence in you about such matters and will likely continue the current status quo.

Your sister comes across as being very manipulative from what you've said , efforts should be concentrated here to ensure she doesn't take advantage any further, however it needs to be done in a way your mum isn't going to feel like a pawn in sibling quarrels.

Firstly, i'll say that I'm finding it difficult to deal with having been lied to by my mum on multiple occasions, over years. It has affected my trust- I don't think it's that unreasonable for me to feel like that. I'm not in a theoretical situation here.

I did say to mum that, over the years, I've consistently said that both me and my sister should be involved in any discussions, so everyone knows what's going on. She agreed that I've done that. And here we are...

I've done a lot of reflecting on myself- not least as I have tried to understand what I could have done differently, and how that might have changed things. It eats away at you, you know?