Father/son relationship question

robfosters said:
No, it’s simply because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.
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There could be a reason he was cheating, and you are older you may understand.
From your reply you seem to hate him which I think is part of your problem which you need to put aside and in with a free mind.
Have you thought that he may have married your mother for the wrong reasons and tried to see it out but as there was no true love.
 
Mrwong said:
There could be a reason he was cheating, and you are older you may understand.
From your reply you seem to hate him which I think is part of your problem which you need to put aside and in with a free mind.
Have you thought that he may have married your mother for the wrong reasons and tried to see it out but as there was no true love.
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This sort of stuff can help understand a separation, but it doesn't really inform the lack of effort with parenting after that. So is of limited use.
 
cheesyboy said:
This sort of stuff can help understand a separation, but it doesn't really inform the lack of effort with parenting after that. So is of limited use.
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Maybe there is a reason for that as well, like guilt of breaking up and unable to work it out or face his son, there could be many reasons.

the only way Is to meet up and understand you can always walk away.
Maybe he was immature, depressed etc. So many reasons he may want to explain.
 
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If youre searching for answers then meet him and listen to what he has to say. If you couldnt give a stuff and youre happy with how your life is then tell him to do one.

I could count on one hand the amount of times ive seen my dad in the last 33 years since he divorced my mum. Wasnt much of a dad before that anyway , but i will give him his dues he hasnt ever tried to strike up a relationship with me. Suits me fine , im a big boy and have got on with life.
 
robfosters said:
He doesn’t have anything to lose but he has an intense hatred of him for the things he has done, like going out drinking and having affairs when my mum was in hospital with me when I was having open heart surgery at the age of 7.

He also offered my mums sister £50 for sex when my mum was in hospital having a hysterectomy.
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I’m going with the son telling the father to GTFO.
 
TonTom said:
If he’s genuine life's to short. Build bridges.
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Disagree. Life is too short so make the best of the time you have, with people who deserve your company. I think post #7 was the bit in the film where you look at those words and the emotions they bring and you know what the right thing to do is.

take care,
mags.
 
It’s not me. I was 18 when he left and get on with him now. I’m very angry with him, but I realise he’s a lonely old man now so feel obligated to do my bit, my younger brother though, feels very differently. He was only 5 when left.

It sounds greedy, but we was all happy in our family home, nice bedrooms, big garden, good location, but then we was forced to move to a pokey little 2 bed flat while he kept the big house for him and his new sort, and they profited nicely from it.

wouldn’t any decent man be the one to move out and let his children stay in the family home?
 
He'll be gone one day, he's your dad. Life is too short for grudges. Give him a chance, not really much to lose anyway by the sound of things and people change anyway.

Edit: I've read the additional posts about offering the sister money for sex. Yeah, I wouldn't humour him with even a thought. Tell him to never contact again. Scrote.
 
RockLobster said:
How would you feel if he died tomorrow? Would you regret not giving it a go?
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That's the best way to frame things tbh. I've happily burned some bridges after considering that question but also decided life is too short in other cases. :)
 
Gray2233 said:
I think that qualifies for the 'sod off' treatment.

My father walked out when I was around 3 years old after moving my mother to the other side of the country away from friends and family. He totally disappeared, left her to deal with a defaulted mortgage and a barrage of bills he'd lied about paying and other debts she didn't know he had. I haven't spoken to him since, he indirectly tried to get in touch when I was in my late teens because he had to have heart surgery and was feeling guilty. I wanted nothing to do with him and still haven't spoken to him going on 33 years now, some things just aren't forgivable.
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Has he admitted that or are you just going on what your mum said?
 
If the "other woman" is of a differing ethnicity then this would explain a lot! Only joking (kind of).


This guy doesn't sound like he deserves a son.
 
doopydug said:
Has he admitted that or are you just going on what your mum said?
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His own family admitted that, my grandparents and an uncle on his side. My older brother and sister (12 to 13 years age difference) also remember it all very clearly.

He made zero attempt to get in touch with me from age 3 to 18 and has made no attempts in the 17 years since.

I've absolutely no interest in the man, he isn't worth my time.
 
robfosters said:
Imagine this, you’re 5 years old, your dad owns the family home and another flat he rents out. He meets another woman who he decides he wants to be with. He won’t move out of the family home and forces you and your mum to move into the flat, which he transfers ownership of to your mum.
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I'd really be careful about this part of the story. I want to make it very clear that I'm not saying what you say isn't true, but that things are very rarely black and white, and the situation you describe leaves you extremely open to being influenced by one side of the story far greater than the other. I may well be completely wrong, but I feel like we're hearing some of the 5 year old's thoughts come out here, not those of the more wise individual you no doubt are today.

:edit: and this, children, is why you should always read the thread fully before replying... Although the above is still worth taking in to consideration it sounds like there's a lot more to it, and I can help but feel that the thread has sort of answered itself.
 
robfosters said:
What would you do? How would you react to his pleading to be involved in your life?
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It's a personal decision that the internet can't provide. I've never met my father due to a similar "hands off approach" to parenting and I would not entertain any request for contact now or in the future. I'm not bitter even if it's sounding that way, he's simply proved to me that I don't need him in my life.

Some total dick moves can never be atoned for.
 
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