First time dad

AndyT said:
I definitely didn't want kids when I was 25, but still at that age I sort of knew I wanted them at some point. I always assumed from an early age that I would have them and that never really changed. I tried to put the Mrs off a little longer when we were both 30, but she wasn't really having any of it. We'd already been together for 6 years, were married and had a house, so she had a valid point. We also want to fit 2 kids in, so body clock was a factor too.

I would say that there is a good possibility you'll change your mind, but it will probably never feel like the right time. Don't think it ever really does for men. I'll admit that my immediate thoughts after 'arriving' in the Mrs bareback with no chemical backup for the first time in years was "Oh God, was that a good idea?!".

If you really think you won't want kids then better tell her sooner rather than later as it wouldn't be fair on her. In her mind she's thinking if you're not the guy, then she'll need potentially 6 months to a year to get over you, another few months dating, perhaps a year or two in a relationship with a wedding and a house before considering a baby, but of course you probably already know that.
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I've already had the discussion with her even though we only met in September!

We nearly ended it straight away when I told her my thoughts on the subject, but decided to carry on as I'm a bit younger and so she knows I'm likely to need more time to get into the frame of mind of wanting kids. We haven't talked about it since but I suspect it's going to come up again next year if everything is still going well!
 
Again reading the comments, settles my mind. Good to see others have had the same thoughts as me.
 
My little one is due 11th oct this year so early days. I'm 32 and feel ready for it. I'm strangely calm about the whole thing. The wife is really excited which is great - her hormones are literally all over the shop though which becomes exceptionally tiresome
 
Thread ressurection!

I remember reading this thread a while ago, although I don't think I ever got around to actually posting in it myself, I know there were a few of you who were expecting or still expecting babies in the coming months, just wondering how your all getting on?

Our due date is fast approaching, it should be 16th May, although in reality I think baby will be here sooner rather than later as my fiancee has just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes, stupidly late in the pregnancy which I'm not happy about at all. I've been checking her blood sugars myself though and I have to query if she actually is or not as her bm's seem fairly normal to me (4.9 fasted in the morning, <7.0 1 hour after meals). Disappointed really, but we're due to see the consultant on Wednesday to see what the plan of action will be.

If I'm honest I'm bricking it for when labour actually does come around, although I think I'm hiding it quite well from the missus, can't wait for her to arrive though :)
 
Be ready to sign yourself over to a calling, you don't get to live how you like for a couple of years.

I bonded well from the minute he was born, but then spent many months being indifferent. Just a case of keeping him alive. He had a fair few health issues so it was extremely stressful times.

Then I was a stay at home Dad for about 2 years and if i'm honest, there were some days where I was overwhelmed.

Now he's just a PIA and i'm troll Dad. I worry sick when he's out of my sight, but we get on great. He's like an 80s kid. Fearless and likes being outside a lot.

I've got a daughter on the way, due in August. Now THAT terrifies me.
 
The love grows every day. Slowly. But a bit more each day.

If it's a boy then duck when changing nappies.
 
krooton said:
I've said it before, world anyone openly admit that they wish they hadn't had their kids?

I'm not calling anyone a liar, I just reckon parents falling in to the above category probably just keep shtum, maybe paying lip service if asked directly.
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I don't have children though I honestly can't see me having children but things can change. Then I always think of the film 3 Men and a Baby, no way! and chuckle.

Peter Mitchell: I'm an architect for Christ sake, I build 50 story skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future, I can certainly put together a goddam diaper.
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OldCoals said:
The second you hold your newborn child for the first time you know what it is all about.
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Didn't work for me at first. Spent the first few weeks tired, stressed, angry at the constant screaming frazzling my nerves. My wife was angry at me for getting angry, she was in a lot of pain for weeks following the delivery, breast feeding was really hard work and painful for her.

She's 12 weeks old at the moment and hard work, but now she's smiling and we're doing swimming together it's better. Still can't be put down for more than a few minutes.

It's amazing how much your life changes, not all of it in a good way!
 
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My first 2 years as a dad:

0-6 months - no connection. Just a pain in the arse making mess and noise.

6-12 months - occasional signs of intelligence, some amusing behaviour.

12-18 months - getting better, holding amusing fake conversations, bothering the cats and toddling about at a fair rate.

18-24 months - proper little person with her own personality. Like a small friend/Pokémon with its own set of attributes. Better than the other ones, genuinely good fun. This is where I am at the moment. Woken up this AM to her looking in the mirror saying 'retarded, retarded, retarded' which was quite amusing. :D Also, I hate the Tweenies.

My absolute least favourite thing about being a parent are the other mothers. There are lots of them out there who have a frankly disgusting attitude and set of opinions and seem to have the soul goal of telling everyone in at least a roundabout way that their methods of parenting suck. Avoid/ignore these people and you'll be okay.
 
danza said:
My first 2 years as a dad:

0-6 months - no connection. Just a pain in the arse making mess and noise.

6-12 months - occasional signs of intelligence, some amusing behaviour.

12-18 months - getting better, holding amusing fake conversations, bothering the cats and toddling about at a fair rate.

18-24 months - proper little person with her own personality. Like a small friend/Pokémon with its own set of attributes. Better than the other ones, genuinely good fun. This is where I am at the moment. Woken up this AM to her looking in the mirror saying 'retarded, retarded, retarded' which was quite amusing. :D Also, I hate the Tweenies.

My absolute least favourite thing about being a parent are the other mothers. There are lots of them out there who have a frankly disgusting attitude and set of opinions and seem to have the soul goal of telling everyone in at least a roundabout way that their methods of parenting suck. Avoid/ignore these people and you'll be okay.
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You make it sound like you barely cared until she amused you.
 
I found it hard for a long time. I didn't not care though(!). I'm just not a very paternal bloke at all (probably the least paternal I know) and nothing properly 'clicked' until I could see that she was becoming a proper little person.

It sucks but that's the way it happened for me.
 
I have 5 year old twins, one who is disabled. They never wanted to sleep same time and were a lot of work. Although I bonded I think things are a lot easier after first couple years to have a relationship.
I not have a 4 day old little boy and cannot believe how much easier 1 is, he sleeps for a couple of hours and I wonder what to do with myself.

My only tip is boys like to wee when you change them, I would have thought the midwife would watch out but he got her first night.

One thing since kids I have stayed more where I am in my job as its stable and works well for family life. Before I was moving up or changing jobs every couple years. I am 32 btw.
 
danza said:
I found it hard for a long time. I didn't not care though(!). I'm just not a very paternal bloke at all (probably the least paternal I know) and nothing properly 'clicked' until I could see that she was becoming a proper little person.

It sucks but that's the way it happened for me.
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Well I'm glad things are working out for the best now :)
 
It's perfectly possible to love them and care for them loads yet still find them frustrating, annoying little fun stoppers. They have moments of joy and wonder in first couple of years, but if truth be told these are not a constant stream and you will be fed up with them on many occasions. I don't think there's anything wrong admitting it's not a lot of fun at times. They do however get easier and more fun :)
 
I remember holding my eldest just after he'd been born and I felt an instant bond.

Lifelong said:
My one overwhelming fear would be to have a disabled child. :(
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My eldest was born with an "internal" disability, Hirschprung's Disease and spent the first 2 weeks of his life in hospital. The bottom 4 inches of his bowel had no nerves in it so didn't function properly. at just over a week old he had a colostomy bag plumbed in (the surgeon managed to get the 2 ends confused during the operation which complicated the bag fitting somewhat), this was reversed with a "pull through" operation at 9 months.

I remember going to a friends wedding not long after he'd been born, I took him into the other room to change his bag and clean him up and getting the same feeling as I held him in my arms, it was like "There's nothing on Heaven or Earth that's ever going to harm a hair on your head as long as I've got breath in my body".

I felt exactly the same with both my girls too, instant bond as soon as I held them for the first time.
 
fatiain said:
I remember going to a friends wedding not long after he'd been born, I took him into the other room to change his bag and clean him up and getting the same feeling as I held him in my arms, it was like "There's nothing on Heaven or Earth that's ever going to harm a hair on your head as long as I've got breath in my body".
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Yeah, our second was premature (not too bad, 34 weeks) and it was the most emotionally draining time of my life. We couldn't sleep at the NICU, so I would often be driving tiny bottles of freshly pumped milk to the hospital in the early hours of the morning and sitting with him. It was so upsetting seeing him with all the tubes and monitors, not having a clue what was going on. I'd talk to him for ages, telling him I would never let anything happen to him and that he was going to have so much fun once he got home.

Glad to say he's 4 months old now and doing great - all smiles! All the hard times just vanish when you come home from work and he breaks out into a huge smile when he sees you :)
 
Curio said:
Yeah, our second was premature (not too bad, 34 weeks) and it was the most emotionally draining time of my life. We couldn't sleep at the NICU, so I would often be driving tiny bottles of freshly pumped milk to the hospital in the early hours of the morning and sitting with him. It was so upsetting seeing him with all the tubes and monitors, not having a clue what was going on. I'd talk to him for ages, telling him I would never let anything happen to him and that he was going to have so much fun once he got home.

Glad to say he's 4 months old now and doing great - all smiles! All the hard times just vanish when you come home from work and he breaks out into a huge smile when he sees you :)
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Mine's nearly 12 now, I get fist-bumps when I get home!

The girls, now 9 and 7, still jump on me with cuddles and kisses when I get in from work.

Nothing like it!
 
Halfmad said:
Man's guide to babies.

It's crying:

1. See if it needs a clean nappy.
2. See if it's too hot/cold.
3. See if it needs something to eat.

This is only really for level 1, once they ding level 2 onward things get more complicated as they get additional skills and abilities.

Honestly babies are insanely easy to look after, I was scared as hell about looking after my daughter a few years ago but it's amazing how quickly you get into the swing of it. Trust your instincts.

Also amazing how quickly you get use to having hands covered in poop too!
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This. It is easy to start with (although you forgot 4. See if it's tired) I just went with the flow and, prior to the birth, tried to make the most of the free time I had left rather than worry.

Poop, drool, sick, doesn't even slightly phase me with my own child. Weird.
 
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