Funnyist IT Support Issue Raised.

CLAWS said:
One of the directors called up recently because he could nothing on his PC, literally could do nothing in that he would double click the excel icon and nothing. Likewise with anything else he double clicked.

Out of habit I always check how long people's PC have been running via CPU time in task manager. The director had not turned off or rebooted his PC for 4346 hours!!

When I told him I'm going to reboot he started ranting and raving about that being IT's answer to everything. I let him do that while I reboot and lo and behold everything works fine oh and it pulls down all the updates which allow him to work smoother and more secure.

I walked away feeling very smug :D
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We have a schedule task to force shut all PC's down at 11PM everynight. hehe! They can't leave it on this way, they do try though! he he! :rolleyes:
 
Got a call off a relative exclaiming he'd "deleted Google".

Remote logged on, and saw his homepage was set to some random website. Whilst in the process of setting it back he started shouting down the phone that "someone is in my computer" and he was moving the mouse all around the screen to stop me.

I had to explain it was me, and that it was normal. Then, whilst I was there I decided to run a software update and he got annoyed by the download estimate time of "1 hour".. He demanded I make it go quicker! haha

He is 70 though.
 
These are actual call center conversations!



Travel Center

Customer: 'I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.

Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'

Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Center'.
Operator: 'Sir, 0700 2300 is our opening hours'.

Samsung Electronics

Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling
in Australia?'

Operator: 'Doesn't the product give you a clue?'

AA Motoring Services


»

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): 'If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'

Directory Enquiries - More Call Center Jokes

1) Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'

Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.

2) Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland'.

3) On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.


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Call Center Jokes - Computer Support

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.

Word for Windows Saga

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk
employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect
organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former Word for Windows Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Computerperformance assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word for Windows.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in Word for Windows, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'


∞

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window'.

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power cut.'

Operator: 'A power......... A power cut? Aha, Okay, We've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the attic.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the shop you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too ****** stupid to own a computer!

This was doing the rounds before i left my old call center.

WOW wall of text is big :eek:
 
I laughed today when a remote worker sent me the following. Obviously I've starred out some detail. You have to love IT support sometimes:)

Rob,

Good morning, I am newly started with **** and was wondering if you could assist me with my laptop? As I work from home and I am travelling a lot round the country I am having problems logging on as I don't have the internet installed on my laptop, I also require my home printer to be installed and as I don't have the authority to do so I was going to bring the printer disc with me for installation of the printer.

Kind Regards

**** *****
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I know what he meant of course, but I just love the wording people some people use :D
 
R0B75 said:
I laughed today when a remote worker sent me the following. Obviously I've starred out some detail. You have to love IT support sometimes:)



I know what he meant of course, but I just love the wording people some people use :D
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I always think about this episode of the IT crowd when people talk about "the internet" as a single definitive object.

 
The problem with technology these days is the miss understanding as there are so many phrases, acrynoms e.t.c to call things. It really is a whole different language unless your in the field yourself. Some people want the concept to be a tool not something they should learn.
 
Well... I ordered a bundle from here and was furious when both the CPU box and RAM box were empty. Gave them a call to ask for justice when they told me to look in the mobo. Oh, how I laughed. I couldnt appologise enough, I felt so silly :p
 
My worst pet hate is the people that double click on EVERYTHING! Ok icons on the desktop and in My Computer are fine but on Web links in IE?! And even when you explicity TELL them to single click they still do it :mad:
 
I'm not in IT support but it has taken me 6 long years to 'teach' my sister to check that a) the power is on b) the cable is in properly and c) is their paper in the drawer. Lets not forget the fact that if the printer has failed to print lets send it to print abother 40 times while were at it.
 
Customer: Hello, is that IT?

IT: Most certainly is, madam. How may I help you?

Customer: Right, well, I am infected and cannot work!

IT: *shock* Not to worry, I'm sure we can do something to get you back up and running again. Are you at your desk at the moment?

Customer: Yep

IT: Excellent. Is your machine still on?

Customer: Mhhm

IT: In your own words, could you describe to me what you see on the screen?

Customer: OK, I haven't got much open - just the internet. There are two windows:
one has our company site displayed and the other has anti-virus running in it.
When I saw the latter, I decided to let it finish before doing anything else.
But then it found so many infected files, I just didn't know what to do. I thought
you guys had it covered, and something like this shouldn't even be an issue. I knew I had to call.

IT: *has a facepalm moment*

IT: Madam, don't be alarmed, what you are seeing is simply an animation. There may also be a button or a link
which points to some security package - do not press it. You can safely close the window and continue with your work.

Customer: Is that all it is? Are you sure?

IT: Quite. It can appear fairly convincing, but in actual fact doesn't do much
in and of itself. Just close it for now and I will review your security
options when you are away for lunch today. Sounds good?

Customer: It will have to do, I suppose. I'm not happy, though. This shouldn't happen
in a company of our size.

Upon review, that particular machine had an internet history full of cheddar aka odd-box online gaming portals, which weren't yet blocked. Needless to say, the user
in question never was "infected" again, although we did get a ticket regarding "hacked company internet" a few days down the line. :D

I also once helped a chap who got caught by a CoMantra IT Support scam and managed to wire £300 to Kalkutta, to a charming man by the name of Nancy Watts.
Google/Youtube it - hours of fun. There is more, but I'm too tired to recall now. First line is always a barrel of laughs - it is where real men are made and lives are lost, or so it seems. ;)
 
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iDroid84 said:
Correct. Makes me angry. What I do now is point them to the new 'ICT Trainers'. I love it.
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I'll have to say that the people at my previous employer were brilliant.

Out of the company (500 or so people so not big) there were 2 or 3 'dumb' people, but on the whole anything that did coem through to the help desk was a genuine fault or a question that was worth asking.

I put it down partly to the type of people that worked there, but also that even though only small we did have a dedicated ICT trainer. People want a new bit of software like project, you have the training first then you get the software.

Conversely where my wife works (and I used to) their day is filled with mind blowingly stupid questions from the sort of people I described earlier.

They lie to get the job saying they are comptuer literate, but the stuff they come out with is so stupid. And there is also a culture there of I'm too important/busy to do this so do it for me. My old job had none of that which was a very refreshing change, even up to exec director/board level.

Wonder if it's any coincidence that the 'nice' place was public sector and the naff place was private :p

No idea what the new place is like as I'm no where near support here ;)
 
Ev0 said:
Wonder if it's any coincidence that the 'nice' place was public sector and the naff place was private :p

No idea what the new place is like as I'm no where near support here ;)
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I would think public sector workers would be the more 'not interested' type rather than private sector. Sometimes I don't have the time of day to help people that ask silly questions I just tell them to come back to me when they know the question they are asking me.
 
When ever someone comes to me with a stupid question I always try and explain how im fixing it but when its something as stupid as move the mouse. How can you not make them sound stupid!

some good stories and im really feeling your support questions. I might start logging my questions now!
 
I had one person come in wanting me to change their password I asked them for a 5 character password or more and they said 'cat'. The engineers were laughing and she was looking to say 'huh, what you laughing at?'

I explained to her that 'cat' was only 3 characters. oh boy that was a fun day.
 
We always get network issue calls...it depresses me

Them: SIMS is down I can't do anything!
Me: Can you access anything else network wise? The shared drives or connect to the internet?
Them: Err, I don't know....No nothing else works!
Me: Have you checked you are connected to the wireless.....?
Them: YES!!!...Oh, wait...Nevermind...Wireless switch was off

Sad times...I could go on all day in my enviroment :(...
 
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