Getting over a breakup

Clean break is the one you want - my ex actually said "I think we should break up, but still be friends I want you around" and wondered why I said she wanted her cake and to eat it too and to pick one or the other.

She thought I was being "selfish" at the time making her pick - but sometimes you need to put the old foot down. It might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Rich

EDIT

For the record she tried to make it work but I broke up with her later when it just didn't work for me anymore when I started seeing who she really was - and I took the advice of OCUK and the wall of radio silence went up, didn't speak to her for two years after I broke up and have never been happier :)

/EDIT
 
Yep as has been said, no contact is certainly the way forward in all honesty :)

Best way to do it mate, if you go back its no doubt going to end up being the same, your mates will no doubt rally around you and you'll be fine.

I've been in the fortunate position as to where we didnt share friends and stuff so made my breaks A LOT easier to get over.
 
When I broke up with my ex the best thing I had was my friends keeping me occupied, no contact is the way to go, if you do want her back then she has to realise what its like without you - hence dont text/phone/email etc etc, let her get in touch.

Try not to sulk you'll only feel worse, as again it took me about 4/6weeks to start to feel better.
Keep yourself busy, go out, look up and good luck.
 
I'm currently going through a whole host of thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories, good and bad, after a recent split and I can sympathise, it's a very difficult time.
I've looked for help in various places and even though I've been through breakups before, it never gets any easier. I can't really offer any advice that I think is a definite but it's natural to feel the way you do. Some things will get easier quicker than others but hang in there. You never really know what the future holds and the other person is most likely feeling similar to you so dont let yourself be caught up in despair as that will wreck you.
If you're going to see the other person it might hurt a lot so be mindful of what you're feeling and try not to have too many expectations. Keep your feet on the ground and your head up. :)
 
It absolutely sucks. Big time. Unfortunately there's no quick fix for getting over someone, it's a horrible thing to hear, but time really does make it all better.

I was a complete state for about 4 months after my ex finished with me. I think it's necessary to go through the self pity stage. But I started to realise after a while that it was time to stop all that and get happy again. Then I met my boyfriend, fell head over heels and I've been on top of the world ever since.

A lady said to me at the time of my breakup, 'If this guy hadn't finished with you, you'd never have the chance to meet the next one...'

She was right :)
 
I've always maintained that you can't really get over long relationships. Short relationships you get over with a shower/fap. But I don't think you get over longer ones... This doesn't mean you can't move on. Just accept the fact that you'll always feel x for her and move onto someone else. Follow the no contact rule, go out with your friends and find a job.

Remember kids: no contact.
 
I would go for the zero contact...

I was with my ex for 2 years, we broke up 5 months ago, it was devastating for me because I was unwell at the time and going through a stressfull period, **** job, no friends and generally lacking in motivation to do anything, whilst she on the other hand was already with a new guy and enjoying herself. I would rid contact because if your struggling it would make this stage worse as it did for me.

Then I met another girl, things got messed up, ex saw this and started coming back in my life, she did always say "I want to be together when we are older" but I replied with the whole "Now or never". Anywhoo these two ladies got abit mixed up in my life, a lot of mixed emotions etc. And it turned into a giant poo storm.

Now she wants me back and we are seeing how it goes, it would have been perfect but because of my giant poo storm with this other girl it isn't as good as it could be, short story is I made a large mistake and ****ed off both girls, I'm lucky my ex is even talking to me tbh.

As I said go for the zero contact, my ex knows that if she leaves me that will be it, because her coming back ruined the first chance of a relationship and I wouldn't be able to be just friends with her.
 
WARHURYEAH said:
I would go for the zero contact...

I was with my ex for 2 years, we broke up 5 months ago, it was devastating for me because I was unwell at the time and going through a stressfull period, **** job, no friends and generally lacking in motivation to do anything, whilst she on the other hand was already with a new guy and enjoying herself. I would rid contact because if your struggling it would make this stage worse as it did for me.

Then I met another girl, things got messed up, ex saw this and started coming back in my life, she did always say "I want to be together when we are older" but I replied with the whole "Now or never". Anywhoo these two ladies got abit mixed up in my life, a lot of mixed emotions etc. And it turned into a giant poo storm.

Now she wants me back and we are seeing how it goes, it would have been perfect but because of my giant poo storm with this other girl it isn't as good as it could be, short story is I made a large mistake and ****ed off both girls, I'm lucky my ex is even talking to me tbh.

As I said go for the zero contact, my ex knows that if she leaves me that will be it, because her coming back ruined the first chance of a relationship and I wouldn't be able to be just friends with her.
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Err... she broke up with you.. went with another man.. and its your fault? WTF!!?
 
To OP

I split from my wife of 20yrs around 5 months ago.

Could be worst for you, your gf could be living in your house, driving your car, spending your money and demanding all that you own through her lawyer (who you are paying for too). All this when you have to bum somewhere to sleep from your mates and relatives.

So buckle up dude and get back on that Pony and go get another job, let her ruin someone elses life with her stupid not thinking where she should be attitude.

A pretty girl with a decent thought proccess is out there waiting for you, you just haven't bumped into her yet.
 
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Go around her house and serenade her with your badly written poetry and a bunch of petrol-station flowers now!

With any luck she'll take time out from the new guys she's banging to laugh at you.
 
Nate Silvers said:
I hate it when people talk about breaking up with their girlfriend of over 3 years because mine is 3 years. We say we will never break-up to each other and I even told her this and she said 'well we will just have to be different from other people'. You can't break-up for real after two years give it a week she'll be back. I would just go the self pity route, it's good for you. Then after it will feel like a huge blanket lifted over your head.
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This. If you were truely in love and she was in love with you she would come crawling back. If not move on lad move on. Go eat some ice cream and watch Bridget Jones' Diary. Get in on that Galaxy bar and read a mag. And remember to play some games like FO3 to get the anger out. Take out those mutants
 
meghatronic said:
I've always maintained that you can't really get over long relationships. Short relationships you get over with a shower/fap. But I don't think you get over longer ones... This doesn't mean you can't move on. Just accept the fact that you'll always feel x for her and move onto someone else. Follow the no contact rule, go out with your friends and find a job.

Remember kids: no contact.
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Have to agree with this, havent spoken with my ex for a month or two and she's recently started begging me to talk to her. Still kept with the no contact rule as I know what shes like and only doing it as she doesn't have control over me anymore

Shame she wont get her birthday wish of me talking to her again. Its harsh but has to be done.
 
ryujinjakka said:
dont fall victim to self pity and find another job, sittin around dwelling over stuff only makes it seem a ton worse, and think about the positives, your gf was honest with you instead of dragging it all out and making it more painfull, and she didnt cheat etc so its not all bad
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This is the best advice and said in the best way to. Good work Ryujinjakka
 
sxndy said:
To OP

I split from my wife of 20yrs around 5 months ago.

Could be worst for you, your gf could be living in your house, driving your car, spending your money and demanding all that you own through her lawyer (who you are paying for too). All this when you have to bum somewhere to sleep from your mates and relatives.

So buckle up dude and get back on that Pony and go get another job, let her ruin someone elses life with her stupid not thinking where she should be attitude.

A pretty girl with a decent thought proccess is out there waiting for you, you just haven't bumped into her yet.
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I love it when these threads pop up. (Refferring to OP). Not in the fact I like to see people upset or missing an ex-loved one.

Mainly for the fact that the advice is always sage and most people come out with the right ideas. Get it clear whats going on, no contact, give it time, move on, etc.

What is interesting from the post I have quoted is that the OP can now hopefully see that others have it A LOT worse. This is almost always true of anything you go through (with exceptions).

[generic advice] Chin up mate, you'll move on, plenty more fish in the sea, time is a healer, etc [/generic advice]
 
Pneumonic said:
Err... she broke up with you.. went with another man.. and its your fault? WTF!!?
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The mistake I made completely out shines her situation, she broke up with me because I started taking her for granted and didn't appreciate what she did for me, the other guy was a complete asshat which is why they didn't last long nor got into a proper relationship.
 
Beansprout said:
Man up :p I broke up with my gf of 5 years (ok so it was essentially mutual and just how things worked out really), and am alright (ish), looking forward to the singles game...I think...hmmmmm
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Wow - so you're no longer in a looooooooong distance relationship with a lass in... Argentina? Or Brazil? But it was down that way, right?

To those who split after 10-15 years - what's the final straw?
 
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