Girlfriend wishes to contribute to my mortgage

Interesting to know.. Any regrets? As I've gotten older, 37, and time seems even more precious, and life ever more expensive, I'm more sure than ever I don't want kids.
Don't often get to ask this question as I don't know many older people who never had kids.
Similar boat, we have no regrets. At all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Some parents have a hard time understanding that others don't want kids. Maybe it's a coping strategy.
 
Similar boat, we have no regrets. At all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Some parents have a hard time understanding that others don't want kids. Maybe it's a coping strategy.

For some it might well be, I guess for others is stove strange club that everyone should be in because they are missing out.

Like how jehovah witnesses come to your door and try to recruit you because they believe they are doing you a favour.

GF gets it more than I do. The comments of "you don't know what you're missing".
I'm missing out on stress, no money and rubbish holidays.. Happy to kiss out on all that thanks.
 
IMO its a hangover from the norm.
It used to be, get married, move in together. Knock out a kid within the first year, repeat 2-4 times.

You needed the kids since as you got older to semi look after you.
Lets not forget plenty of people alive who pre dated the NHS and pensions etc (not so many now in regards pension, but 30-40 year ago there were a lot)

So this is basically generational.
It was very rare to live together pre marriage, and certainly marriage was the default, and expected.
Plus what then came after that.

Having a couple of kids is like having 2x BMW on the drive, you know you have made it when you can afford a couple of kids to go with the cars, and an eye wateringly expensive semi in London ;)
 
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Thanks for explaining. Maybe a sensible approach would have been for him to buy the house for them to live in and for her to buy a property to rent out. In a few years, if things had worked out, then sell them and buy a single larger family property. If things didn't work out then they both still had peoperty to fall back on.

For me it just seemed strange from the outset of a relationship, fair enough if he'd been in it a while like the OP but he hasn't spent one night in it yet because not everything has gone through.
 
IMO its a hangover from the norm.
It used to be, get married, move in together. Knock out a kid within the first year, repeat 2-4 times.

You needed the kids since as you got older to semi look after you.
Lets not forget plenty of people alive who pre dated the NHS and pensions etc (not so many now in regards pension, but 30-40 year ago there were a lot)

So this is basically generational.
It was very rare to live together pre marriage, and certainly marriage was the default, and expected.
Plus what then came after that.

Having a couple of kids is like having 2x BMW on the drive, you know you have made it when you can afford a couple of kids to go with the cars, and an eye wateringly expensive semi in London ;)

Yeah for us plebs one has got to go at least.

Kids, nice motors, nice house, nice holidays.

Its kids for me that's got the chop. *strokes Peugeot 207.. Vroom vroom*. But I am saving for a vw transporter next spring!

And holidays are in full swing
 
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Interesting to know.. Any regrets? As I've gotten older, 37, and time seems even more precious, and life ever more expensive, I'm more sure than ever I don't want kids.
Don't often get to ask this question as I don't know many older people who never had kids.

no, no regrets at all. Nearly all of my friends have had kids. I don’t envy them. im Sure they’re all glad they’ve had them and that, but… I’m sure in a lot of ways they envy me. I don’t have to work as hard as any of them and have loads more free time when I don’t.

between me and my gf we have one sibling. Her sister. She has 2 girls so we have nieces. That’s great. You can hand them back when you’ve had enough :)
 
For me it just seemed strange from the outset of a relationship, fair enough if he'd been in it a while like the OP but he hasn't spent one night in it yet because not everything has gone through.
If the relationship was relatively new (was it?) then he was acting wisely. I would advise my son and daughter the same - build your life and finances before committing to risk with other people.

A good example of this is a friend who recently ended a relationship with his long term partner. They did have kids though. He had his own flat when they met. She wanted him to sell it and put the money into a joint property. But instead of doing that he let it out and they bought a property together without touching the flat. Several years later, now with kids, their relationship turned sour. He was forced to leave the joint home because the children were living with her. He was still paying for the mortgage, car finance, etc, for her and had to also find somewhere to live.

Because he had acted wisely at the start of the relationship he was able to move back into his flat and then later sell it to put towards a better property which was big enough for his kids to sometimes stay at. It also didn't stop her trying to claim half of his flat. But because he had kept it separate to the main property he was able to stop her getting it. If he had acted rashly at the start of the relationship he would probably be renting a bedsit now.
 
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Similar boat, we have no regrets. At all. Quite the opposite in fact.

Some parents have a hard time understanding that others don't want kids. Maybe it's a coping strategy.

I was at Alton Towers yesterday with my children and watching the smile on my 4 year old sons face whilst we went on the Runaway Train was priceless. Nothing material can match that for me. It is programmed into your brain through tens of thousands of years through evolution. If parents have a hard time understanding that others don't want kids please accept that because saying it is a "coping" strategy couldn't be any further from the truth.

Why wouldn't you be happy with that? If you earn more then she's paying more as a % of her income. Why would you be sad about this, if anyone would be then it would be her.

You misunderstood my post. What I mean is all our money is pooled together and we spend it 50:50. Not that the bills are 50:50. I work hard and do the hours. My dinner is hot on the table when I come home. I am grateful to have a women like that. Keep a woman happy and she has no reason too look the other way.
 
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I was at Alton Towers yesterday with my children and watching the smile on my 4 year old sons face whilst we went on the Runaway Train was priceless. Nothing material can match that for me. It is programmed into your brain through tens of thousands of years of evolution. If parents have a hard time understanding that others don't want kids please accept that because saying it is a "coping" strategy couldn't be any further from the truth.
I did say 'maybe'.

I'm glad that's how you feel, that's good for you, but I'm not sure why that then stops people from understanding some people don't want, or wouldn't feel, how you do.

Going by the shouting and swearing by the couple next door, between each other and their daughter who shouts, screams and swears back (at about 10 years old) not all parents experience what you do.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids, I love my mates kids - they're adorable. In doses. Me and my OH wouldn't want it 24/7, after a day or two we're sick of it.

E: people are just different, and that's a good thing.
 
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no, no regrets at all. Nearly all of my friends have had kids. I don’t envy them. im Sure they’re all glad they’ve had them and that, but… I’m sure in a lot of ways they envy me. I don’t have to work as hard as any of them and have loads more free time when I don’t.

between me and my gf we have one sibling. Her sister. She has 2 girls so we have nieces. That’s great. You can hand them back when you’ve had enough :)

I kind of see it the same. Without that need to have kids, that instinct, I can have a stress free job and still feel relatively well off (no money worries), time rich, and stress free at home too.

Unfortunately you can't properly try kids out. So you have to commit blind. And there is no bigger commitment!

Good to hear no regrets!


I'm really happy at the moment.
Relationship is good. Health is better. Planning fancy holidays. Mortgage etc under control. Getting a van next year for exploring UK and Europe. So many social groups/hobbies I can't cope with any more.
Kids would take a lot of that as I don't get the enjoyment others do from kids. As in they are genuinely happy to sacrifice a lot for kids. It's taken years to get to this place. (just wish summer was better! :D )


I know people say "you live them when they are yours", "best thing ever". And that's great if you get that. But many many people don't, and it shouldn't be taboo to say it. It still feels like you're get crucified (especially as a woman) if you say you regret your kids, our don't love them. I bet it happens more than we think. It's just not talked about.
I do get it. As we have a dog, I love him to bits. But it can get annoying planning and doing things. Needing to be back at X time. I certainly wouldn't want a dog if I was on my own. And that's actually reinforced not wanting kids. It's not the cost.. Its the time. And restrictions that make it hard.



Changes everything financially too. Suddenly the kids should come first. And the financial separation a lot of us have, becomes a lot more murky, legally and morally.

As the OPs GF doesn't want kids, it's moot point though
 
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I can't help but think, that when these "no kids" people reach old age. The regrets will creep in.
Who's going to help you, take care of you? Visit you to ward off loneliness?
Who's going to assist financially if you need it in old age? Anything could happen.

I don't understand the mindset. I never will.
 
I can't help but think, that when these "no kids" people reach old age. The regrets will creep in.
Who's going to help you, take care of you? Visit you to ward off loneliness?
Who's going to assist financially if you need it in old age? Anything could happen.

I don't understand the mindset. I never will.

See I get this from a logical point. But it actually makes me a little irked that many people have kids with a mindset of "they will look after me".

Its something I'd put as a positive of having kids, but I also think it's very wrong to put an expectation on your kids to look after you.

Way I see that is, I can use the money I saved not having kids to support me in old age. If it runs out, it runs out. I'd hate to burden my hypothetical kids with my care when they likely will have less than me.

Also.. They might end up estranged, not caring or not able to look after me.
 
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I can't help but think, that when these "no kids" people reach old age. The regrets will creep in.
Who's going to help you, take care of you? Visit you to ward off loneliness?
Who's going to assist financially if you need it in old age? Anything could happen.

I don't understand the mindset. I never will.

I find this quite heartbreaking to read. I couldn't imagine bringing another human into this world with the logic 'I need a caretaker, companion and financial donator when I'm old'.

Seems like all the wrong reasons to me.

I'd also rather regret not having children, than regret having children. Having them and regretting it would ruin my life.
 
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I can't help but think, that when these "no kids" people reach old age. The regrets will creep in.
Who's going to help you, take care of you? Visit you to ward off loneliness?
Who's going to assist financially if you need it in old age? Anything could happen.

I don't understand the mindset. I never will.

Have kids? No, maybe, or yes. Take your pick. A few people touched on this earlier - and I say this as a dad to two great daughters - do your own thing and try your best not to preach. No one likes that.

It's slightly odd that all of your examples of why to have kids are how they will help you when you're old and broken, rather than what you can give them, but see my earlier point about preaching.
 
See I get this from a logical point. But it actually makes me a little irked that many people have kids with a mindset of "they will look after me".

Its something I'd put as a positive of having kids, but I also think it's very wrong to put an expectation on your kids to look after you.

Way I see that is, I can use the money I saved not having kids to support me in old age. If it runs out, it runs out. I'd hate to burden my hypothetical kids with my care when they likely will have less than me.

Also.. They might end up estranged, not caring or not able to look after me.

Kids look after you in a different way than you think. There are massive studies going around that people live longer especially independently who are families/have grand children as loneliness creeps in as you get older and that can effect you physically. People focus on the here and now yet fail to consider where they will be in their 60's and 70's but by then it is too late. It is not the case of children/grandchildren looking after you but rather them subconsciously making you more active by what YOU can give them. Mentally and Physically.

There is actually a good documentary on Netflix at the moment about area's in the world who have highest per capita of people 100+. They don't look at the traditional reasons but social and mentality of the people there.
 
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Kids look after you in a different way than you think. There are massive studies going around that people live longer especially independently who are families/have grand children as loneliness creeps in as you get older and that can effect you physically. People focus on the here and now yet fail to consider where they will be in their 60's and 70's but by then it is too late. It is not the case of children/grandchildren looking after you but rather them subconsciously making you more active by what YOU can give them. Mentally and Physically.

There is actually a good documentary on Netflix at the moment about area's in the world who have highest per capita of people 100+. They don't look at the traditional reasons but social and mentality of the people there.

Not going to lie, that is a fear of mine. What will motivate me when I physically can't do anything.
Hoping technology can fill that void. I'm talking VR type stuff. Gaming is getting better and better. And although I don't enjoy it now, I hope when I'm too old to Kayak etc that type of thing will be a replacement.

I definitely take the point though!
 
I can't help but think, that when these "no kids" people reach old age. The regrets will creep in.
Who's going to help you, take care of you? Visit you to ward off loneliness?
Who's going to assist financially if you need it in old age? Anything could happen.

I don't understand the mindset. I never will.

Why should your kids look after you in old age? With my inlaws, I help with sorting technical stuff and form filling, taking them on holidays, days out - but i'm ****** if i'm wiping their butts. I also wouldn't want this for my kids - i want them to have their best life without the burden of my old and broken body.

Tbh - once i'm at that stage, hopefully legal euthanasia is available.
 
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