Girlfriend wishes to contribute to my mortgage

ivrytwr3 said:
Why should your kids look after you in old age? With my inlaws, I help with sorting technical stuff and form filling, taking them on holidays, days out - but i'm ****** if i'm wiping their butts. I also wouldn't want this for my kids - i want them to have their best life without the burden of my old and broken body.

Tbh - once i'm at that stage, hopefully legal euthanasia is available.
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I joke with my kids about getting revenge on them when I'm incontinent, for wiping their butts when they were kids. But I agree - I think I'd rather my kids didn't have to deal with that.
 
Its a hell of an assumption that kids will be there to help, they may move away in their lives before you need that.
My grandfather on Dads side had 4 sons. Only 1 lived within an hours drive when he was at the stage of needing support.

My mothers parents when the became infirm moved into sheltered accom.
Was perfect, my Nan could go and engage in activities, and my grandfather could stay in and grump at the telly about all the people he disliked.
I mean he was a great guy and all that, but he would give CWilson a run for his money on people who he would dislike ;)
We both watched F1 at that point. The things he would say about Schumacher ;)
 
ivrytwr3 said:
Why should your kids look after you in old age? With my inlaws, I help with sorting technical stuff and form filling, taking them on holidays, days out - but i'm ****** if i'm wiping their butts. I also wouldn't want this for my kids - i want them to have their best life without the burden of my old and broken body.

Tbh - once i'm at that stage, hopefully legal euthanasia is available.
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My grandad never needed his butt wiped until his final 2 months before he died and for that time Macmillan helped with the vast majority. He lived till he was 93 and would have lived longer if his eyesight didn't pack in as that vastly reduced his mobility. He would take me to school in the mornings. Take and watch me play football every weekend and watch me train during the week. He also worked part time till he was 78. That physical and social interaction he had with me I believe was key to him living to an old age. He never used a walking stick or mobility scooter despite having arthritis and was mentally sharp all the way to the end. It had a long lasting impact on myself really as people 10-20 years younger were in far worse condition than he was.
 
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adam cool dude said:
My grandad never needed his butt wiped until his final 2 months before he died and for that time Macmillan helped with the vast majority. He lived till he was 93 and would have lived longer if his eyesight didn't pack in as that vastly reduced his mobility. He would take me to school in the mornings. Come watch me play football every weekend and watch me train during the week. He also worked part time till he was 78. That physical and social interaction he had with me I believe was key to him living to an old age. He never used a walking stick or mobility scooter despite having arthritis and was mentally sharp all the way to the end. It had a long lasting impact on myself really as people 10-20 years younger were in far worse condition than he was.
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Keeping mentally and physically active is very important. I've seen quite a few older people go downhill rapidly when they give up. It's important to keep going. Clint Eastwood has an excellent quote about it: "Don't let the old man in".
 
adam cool dude said:
My grandad never needed his butt wiped until his final 2 months before he died and for that time Macmillan helped with the vast majority. He lived till he was 93 and would have lived longer if his eyesight didn't pack in as that vastly reduced his mobility. He would take me to school in the mornings. Take and watch me play football every weekend and watch me train during the week. He also worked part time till he was 78. That physical and social interaction he had with me I believe was key to him living to an old age. He never used a walking stick or mobility scooter despite having arthritis and was mentally sharp all the way to the end. It had a long lasting impact on myself really as people 10-20 years younger were in far worse condition than he was.
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To get to 93 in a good way mentally is good going! My grandad was good until mid 90s too. Tending his vegetable garden in 90s. And swimming in his swimming pool at 80s.But the final couple of years dementia kicked in. The drugs really Helped.. But the final days were not fun. And, the saddest part, the family Infighting over inheritance had already started.
What broke me, and caused me to cut ties with my uncle was hearing him say.. "Can I go to the pub now" and something derogatory about his dad in the same room. I just hope his dad, my grandad didn't hear it/take it in.

I'll never understand how your own kids can be so money selfish to ruin relationships so close to the end. Was grim! Really grim.
 
Hades said:
Keeping mentally and physically active is very important. I've seen quite a few older people go downhill rapidly when they give up. It's important to keep going. Clint Eastwood has an excellent quote about it: "Don't let the old man in".
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Exactly when my Grandad retired he could have quite easily gone that way but he had me as a purpose and it kept him going. They had a series on channel 4 called "old people's home for 4 year olds" where they introduced 4 year olds into an old peoples home and it categorically showed a massive improvement of the people in there with the children introduced. 80% had improved on their measurement scores and before the experiment nearly all were classed as depressed and 2 severely yet after, all were no longer depressed. I honestly believe this is hardwired into our primal instincts and is key to a long and fit life. It is only recently in the past 30-40 years that consumerism has effected this balance and purpose with children almost like a drug.
 
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OpenToSuggestions said:
The mortgage and the house will remain in my name. She'd be paying into the mortgage account.
It will be written into the agreement that if it doesn't work out then I buy her out the house and she leaves.
We are not interested in getting married. I find that it quite an old fashioned view, even if it does change things legally.
I'm mid 30s and she is mid 20s. Neither of us want children and feel very strongly about it.
We've lived together 18m and been together nearly 3 years.
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so will the agreement be something that the solicitor writes? if you split you both get your money back so to speak
how will it work exactly?
i'm in a similar situation. i want to invest savings in a house with someone but if it goes sour i want my portion back.
(i also don't believe in marriage. it changes nothing apart from on paper. people seem to just do it from peer pressure more than anything that i can see)
 
@christmascake FYI it looks like you tried to reply to my post here but it's ended up just quoting it with no reply.

Girlfriend wishes to contribute to my mortgage

OP based on my experience I think she's trying to **** you out of your house. I bought a house with all of my life savings with an Ex and put her on the deeds in case I died for her security. Once she was on the deeds she went to civil caught, claimed domestic abuse under an Occupation Order and...
forums.overclockers.co.uk forums.overclockers.co.uk

CircleFaust said:
so will the agreement be something that the solicitor writes? if you split you both get your money back so to speak
how will it work exactly?
i'm in a similar situation. i want to invest savings in a house with someone but if it goes sour i want my portion back.
(i also don't believe in marriage. it changes nothing apart from on paper. people seem to just do it from peer pressure more than anything that i can see)
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I think it's perhaps slightly simpler if you're agreeing to buy from the outset, especially if you're splitting it 50/50 and agreeing to sell in the event of a breakup, you're just tennants in common then, both names on the house/mortgage just split all the house buying/selling and mortgage expenses evenly.

In this case there are a few more complications and it's still not clear what is exactly being proposed by the OP and his gf, is she expecting what is basically like a loan to the OP to rise or fall in line with the value of the house, how do they propose to value it in the event of a breakup and the OP wants to stay in the house/pay her back etc.
 
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Diagro said:
I can't help but think, that when these "no kids" people reach old age. The regrets will creep in.
Who's going to help you, take care of you? Visit you to ward off loneliness?
Who's going to assist financially if you need it in old age? Anything could happen.

I don't understand the mindset. I never will.
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I have no wish to breed servants for my old age. Also, a person can't force their children to take care of them and give them money anyway, so it's not even a dependable servant breeding scheme.

Some people want children. Some people don't. Why is either wrong?

If I get into such a state, I hope I'll be able to kill myself in a reasonable way. Time to draw a line and say "Yeah, I've finished with that. Time to go." I'd prefer to live to ~90 in fine fettle and drop dead very suddenly, but if not I'd like at least the same consideration we'd give to a suffering animal with no hope of recovery. My will is clear and simple, but that's to make things easier for any surviving relatives, if there are any. I won't care what happens to what used to be my stuff, on account of being dead at the time.
 
CircleFaust said:
so will the agreement be something that the solicitor writes? if you split you both get your money back so to speak
how will it work exactly?
i'm in a similar situation. i want to invest savings in a house with someone but if it goes sour i want my portion back.
(i also don't believe in marriage. it changes nothing apart from on paper. people seem to just do it from peer pressure more than anything that i can see)
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Likely agree the £ as a % ownership in the house as a line in the sand, then agree how the house would be split going forward once the contributions began.
 
Angilion said:
I have no wish to breed servants for my old age. Also, a person can't force their children to take care of them and give them money anyway, so it's not even a dependable servant breeding scheme.

Some people want children. Some people don't. Why is either wrong?

If I get into such a state, I hope I'll be able to kill myself in a reasonable way. Time to draw a line and say "Yeah, I've finished with that. Time to go." I'd prefer to live to ~90 in fine fettle and drop dead very suddenly, but if not I'd like at least the same consideration we'd give to a suffering animal with no hope of recovery. My will is clear and simple, but that's to make things easier for any surviving relatives, if there are any. I won't care what happens to what used to be my stuff, on account of being dead at the time.
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We don't have kids to breed servants.

However, its normally what happens. The kids assist their parents when they need it. Just like the parents assist their kids whilst they can.

It's just a blood relation support network of sorts.

You won't be able to kill yourself... its not legal or easy to do... unless those suicide pods become legal hahaha
 
Diagro said:
We don't have kids to breed servants.

However, its normally what happens. The kids assist their parents when they need it. Just like the parents assist their kids whilst they can.

It's just a blood relation support network of sorts.

You won't be able to kill yourself... its not legal or easy to do... unless those suicide pods become legal hahaha
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Probably becoming less normal. Especially as our parents have significantly more assets than us.

I'd rather my parent's use thier money to pay for old age care than me look after them for example. In reality I expect my sister would do it, and she'd then get a bigger proportion of inheritance.
 
SexyGreyFox said:
Exactly what happened with me and my Sister.
I said to her that I didn't deserve the amount I got but she wouldn't let me have less.
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To be honest, at the point (hopefully) they go, it will be late enough that inheritance will be meaningless to me anyway. I'm totally self sufficient.
 
Diagro said:
We don't have kids to breed servants.

However, its normally what happens. The kids assist their parents when they need it. Just like the parents assist their kids whilst they can.

It's just a blood relation support network of sorts.

You won't be able to kill yourself... its not legal or easy to do... unless those suicide pods become legal hahaha
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It's not really about being a servant. I take my dad to hospital, do jobs your him, help him with finances, etc. I don't wipe his arse ( at least not yet). Without me, who's going to do this?
 
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