"if players feel contact in the box they go down and then the ref/VAR decide if its a pen. If a player chooses not to go down and the chance doesn't materialise and so they throw themselves to the floor 2 steps later its a dive."
So in your view the difference between a dive and a foul is not whether it's enough to take a player off his feet, but imposing an arbitrary time limit on when a player may decide to go down?
And not only that, but that difference is enough to change your opinion from an incident being a legitimate penalty to it being cheating?
You now basically seem to be suggesting that players who are better at going down quickly should be rewarded for it, and those who try to stay upright, even to their detriment, should be called cheats.
"If a player chooses not to go down and the chance doesn't materialise and so they throw themselves to the floor 2 steps later its a dive."
Surely this directly contradicts how advantages should work? Surely players should be encouraged to try to play on, to take a chance, in the knowledge that play can be pulled back should the chance cease to be available?
The upshot of your position seems to reward players who go down quickly, and to call players who try to play on cheats.