guy at work really hates me for no particular reason
- Thread starter gogopops
- Start date
not sure you can report someone to HR for not adding you on facebook and because you think you saw them talking about you on communicator - you'd have to be pretty certain about what was said and it would likely have to be something pretty bad... not to mention you're going to have to explain reading someone else's chat window.
Yup - typical insecure bully type though unfortunately the OP sounds a bit insecure + shy too - not accepting a friend request and talking about someone behind their back are a bit minor - but deliberately making him look bad in front of the new girl is still a bit low.
I'd just ignore him initially, completely irrelevant what he thinks of you OP... and get chatting to that girl, make friends.. mention that the douchebag guy can be a bit of a dick, seems to bad mouth you for some reason... hopefully next time he does it it will backfire.
We're not talking about twins. 
That, and confidence doesn't equate to ability, especially physical confidence. So if you're suggesting to people that they do something to boost their physical confidence, which results in them being the lucky recipient of a buffet of knuckle sandwiches due to confidence, but a lack of ability to follow through with what they've learnt, then it's dangerous advice.
That, and confidence doesn't equate to ability, especially physical confidence. So if you're suggesting to people that they do something to boost their physical confidence, which results in them being the lucky recipient of a buffet of knuckle sandwiches due to confidence, but a lack of ability to follow through with what they've learnt, then it's dangerous advice.SkodaMart
SkodaMart
I wasn't suggesting he learns a martial art to punch his lights out!!
I was suggesting he learns a martial art or gym etc. to give him the confidence to stand up to this bozo verbally, confidently and politely, whilst looking at him with a polite smile behind a steely gaze.
Violence should always be the last resort and it wasn't my intention to suggest he should learn Karate and come back in 5 years time to kick his butt FFS.
There will always be the guy he described in every place he works unless he learns to stand up for himself.
Spoffle, as usual, you haven't given a single useful piece of advice.
Yes I am aware of that, I'm saying that it's bad advice either way to use something like that to boost confidence, and it has certain implications when such things are suggested as confidence boosters.
As for me not giving useful advice, I'd rather give no advice than bad or dangerous advice.
Get over it.. I've worked with plenty of people I don't like and no doubt plenty of people don't like me. You're there to do a job not to make friends and nasty words would have been said behind peoples backs and sometimes in front.
Admittedly it the perfect world of the Waltons, I would love to work with friends but in some of the departments I've worked in; its the cut throat competition within the department that drove us/me forward. I don't work on wallstreet, for Alan Sugar or anything macho like that, but you learn from your mistakes and there's always people wanting you to fail and will always try to 1up you and they will always try to point it out. Why do you think it's called the rat race? Just do your job and prove they are wrong.
As per the girl front, from past experience I don't think it matters that they are female or not. He is just trying to show he's alpha male, the dumb thing is that alpha males tend not to need to show it. I for one have never bad mouth a colleague to a new member of staff, they will soon learn who's good and who's useless.
If it becomes an issue where your work is effected, you need to speak to your boss or speak to the person with someone else in the room, where they can mediate and clear the air. From past experience its often that they are threaten of you for whatever reason that makes them try to prove that they are better.
Good luck..
Admittedly it the perfect world of the Waltons, I would love to work with friends but in some of the departments I've worked in; its the cut throat competition within the department that drove us/me forward. I don't work on wallstreet, for Alan Sugar or anything macho like that, but you learn from your mistakes and there's always people wanting you to fail and will always try to 1up you and they will always try to point it out. Why do you think it's called the rat race? Just do your job and prove they are wrong.
As per the girl front, from past experience I don't think it matters that they are female or not. He is just trying to show he's alpha male, the dumb thing is that alpha males tend not to need to show it. I for one have never bad mouth a colleague to a new member of staff, they will soon learn who's good and who's useless.
If it becomes an issue where your work is effected, you need to speak to your boss or speak to the person with someone else in the room, where they can mediate and clear the air. From past experience its often that they are threaten of you for whatever reason that makes them try to prove that they are better.
Good luck..
SkodaMart
SkodaMart
That's the problem OP.
Do whatever it takes to work on your confidence, often the best way of beating your demons is to confront them.
The world is full of bullies, some worse than others, but any weakness will be picked up on and exploited if you let people.
Good luck, life often isn't as complicated as you think, a better physique and a nice set of clothes, you might be a different guy in 5 years time.
Now this I agree with, you need to make yourself change if you want it to happen, not just half heartedly want it either, really push yourself till it happens. Yes there'll be awkward moments outside of your comfort zone but that's what you learn from and makes you a better person.
I'd pull him over & threaten to rip his face off, then when I got called into the office I'd deny it saying he must have misunderstood my accent.
Not that anything like this has ever happened to me or owt.
That's me though OP but I'm a grade A ****, If I was you I'd just leave it as he is off elsewhere at the end of tomorrow. Come Monday you can go back to work on that Doris.
Not that anything like this has ever happened to me or owt.
That's me though OP but I'm a grade A ****, If I was you I'd just leave it as he is off elsewhere at the end of tomorrow. Come Monday you can go back to work on that Doris.
Add him using a fake Facebook account then proceed to have a weird conversation about yourself in the third person via PM. Better still, chat roulette him wearing a frock and a fetching snorkel/mask combo. That'll learn the bugger.
Maybe he just doesn't want to be pals, it happens.
Maybe he just doesn't want to be pals, it happens.
not a bad idea but a more efficient way of doing that is to take acting/improv classes... those classes can quickly push you way outside your comfort zone (in a good way) and give you the tools/experience to deal with a whole bunch of situations
If he's been badmouthing you over your company communicator app then there will be logs and you should consult your companies policies on bullying before approaching your manager or HR or both. Do remember that HR's job is to protect the company, not you.
Soldato
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- Bristol
Tell him you can get a mac 10 in 3 minutes.
Associate
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Learn that you don't and cannot be like by everyone.
Accept that some people you get on with and others you are just incompatible.
Be civil obviously but just spend your time with people who you do get on with.
Accept that some people you get on with and others you are just incompatible.
Be civil obviously but just spend your time with people who you do get on with.
Soldato
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- 16,775
I think Spoffle and SkodaMart have more in common than they realise
Each to their own but I consider myself an introvert and there's no way I'd have put up with that crap.
I've seen plenty of examples where people paint themselves as targets purely from their unwillingness to defend themselves. People like this will only continue or get worse...
I've seen plenty of examples where people paint themselves as targets purely from their unwillingness to defend themselves. People like this will only continue or get worse...
I think Spoffle and SkodaMart have more in common than they realise
I see you haven't dealt with Skodamart much then. Did you see the thread on vegetarianism? He was banging on about how immoral it is to eat meat, but wouldn't accept there was something off about him being happy to wrap animal skin around his feet and car (shoes and car seats).
Soldato
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- 30 Sep 2005
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- 16,775
No, I must have missed that little gem. There are some epic threads in GD, and that sounds like it could have been one of them.