Have i been too harsh

I used to hate my parents for doing similar things to me, but I know parents have a difficult job. I am one. At 17 I had episodes similar with my parents. These things happen. To be honest yes I think that's harsh as I have done A LOT worse things and never got kicked out. I mean come on....it's almost embarassing isn't it and laughable. Not closing a door and staying out past 9:30pm. But then he is still living under your roof is going to be your excuse I guess.
I remember when I bought some big speakers for my room, I wasn't actually allowed to own them. Didn't matter if I wasn't going to ever turn them on in the house. i wasn't allowed to own something that could be loud. Parents do funny things... I would invite him back for a chat.
 
To the OP:

I don't think you're being overly harsh, but as others have said, I think there was some things that you could have done before you get to this situation.. the best thing for me was always my Mum taking the Internet/Laptop off me.

The people that have said the whole 'Your house, your rules' are right.. but at the same time you're being flexible toward him.. but it sounds like he needs a bit more of a kick up the backside.. if he's only working part time.. is he at College or something?
 
Malt_Vinegar said:
You have opened the door for him to return, so the only one keeping himself away is him.
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This is also a point of contention i bet. The door is open for him to return, to a barrage of 'you are not an adult blah blah' and 'do your chores or leave'. Not a nice open door to a loving household that will be happy to have him back.

I hope for you sake (OP) that you have not ruined your relationship with your son.
 
Malt_Vinegar said:
Yup, if they decide to not take eduction past 16, then they need a job, ergo, they should at least be paying board!
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Agreed.

The second they leave school, they need to go onto 6th Form/College or get a job. My Dad said the extact same and treated me the same.
 
I remember when I used to think "keep" was bloomin cheeky and just my parents ripping me off. Wow, "keep" seemed a good deal looking back!!
 
Morba said:
I hope for you sake (OP) that you have not ruined your relationship with your son.
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and for what not shutting the lounge door and a few other basic chores and being home at 9:30pm after telling him he could stay out...... crazy

Most kids at that age would listen more if you take something off them. Getting him to do chores wasnt clearly working so you should have started taking board money from him. You say he only earns a couple 100 at the most well take say 50-80 of that as board. I'm sure after that for a few months he will be begging to do chores for the 50-80quid back.

End of the day its your choice on how you raise your child. One question that hasnt been raised at all is:

What is your wife/partner's take on all of this - is s/he siding with you or not ?
 
I totally understand where you're comming from mate. It'll do him a load of good, and he'll gain perspective. Although have you warned him before that you would take this course of action? My old man did this to me when I was a little brat at a teenager, and it did me no end of good.

I probably would do a few other things FIRST, like take away his TV, xbox, internet, ect, and see how he reacts to that.

I do think that you've done a decent thing, and if more parents would take that step, the UK would be a better place.
 
Munky1080 said:
I do think that you've done a decent thing, and if more parents would take that step, the UK would be a better place.
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Really? there are already enough children out there who disrespect adults because of the way their parents treat them. This kid is just another kid on the streets (no fixed abode) with an axe to grind against his parents.

Great, we really want more of those.
 
tell him, hes 17 now, and had his mother tit for too long, time to grow up and obey the rules.

punish him for every infraction, write down the offence and the punishment, he breaks to law he is punished according to the schedule. E.g. leaving the door open one day, no x-box the next.

seriously get him to start paying house keeping, then he will stop thinking its a hotel, do go for a fix fee, go for %age so hes not getting one over you when he get a better job

1. take away X-box.
2. internet.
3. cut all electricty from his room
4. get his to do his own washing, he will start washing clothes when he has nothing to wear.
5. no friends over, as a punishment.
6. no sky tv
 
Munky1080 said:
I do think that you've done a decent thing, and if more parents would take that step, the UK would be a better place.
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imo i think that has got to be one of the worse statements i have read on these forums.

Its for actions like the OP has taken we have such bitter and angry teenagers now adays and have to rely on "street skillz" to get by.

I cant believe that statement at all shocking
 
mangobreeder said:
tell him, hes 17 now, and had his mother tit for too long, time to grow up and obey the rules.

punish him for every infraction, write down the offence and the punishment, he breaks to law he is punished according to the schedule. E.g. leaving the door open one day, no x-box the next.

seriously get him to start paying house keeping, then he will stop thinking its a hotel, do go for a fix fee, go for %age so hes not getting one over you when he get a better job

1. take away X-box.
2. internet.
3. cut all electricty from his room
4. get his to do his own washing, he will start washing clothes when he has nothing to wear.
5. no friends over, as a punishment.
6. no sky tv
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Lol :D

Worst advice ever to be honest.
 
mangobreeder said:
tell him, hes 17 now, and had his mother tit for too long, time to grow up and obey the rules.

punish him for every infraction, write down the offence and the punishment, he breaks to law he is punished according to the schedule. E.g. leaving the door open one day, no x-box the next.

seriously get him to start paying house keeping, then he will stop thinking its a hotel, do go for a fix fee, go for %age so hes not getting one over you when he get a better job

1. take away X-box.
2. internet.
3. cut all electricty from his room
4. get his to do his own washing, he will start washing clothes when he has nothing to wear.
5. no friends over, as a punishment.
6. no sky tv
Click to expand...


Because then he would feel like a grown up.....and have MORE respect for his dad! :rolleyes:
 
mangobreeder said:
tell him, hes 17 now, and had his mother tit for too long, time to grow up and obey the rules.

punish him for every infraction, write down the offence and the punishment, he breaks to law he is punished according to the schedule. E.g. leaving the door open one day, no x-box the next.

seriously get him to start paying house keeping, then he will stop thinking its a hotel, do go for a fix fee, go for %age so hes not getting one over you when he get a better job

1. take away X-box.
2. internet.
3. cut all electricty from his room
4. get his to do his own washing, he will start washing clothes when he has nothing to wear.
5. no friends over, as a punishment.
6. no sky tv
Click to expand...

You would make such a crap parent whoses kids would never love. Seriously.

edit: pre-emptive 'I don't believe you' when you realize your post has backfired and you try to play the 'well I'm actually a parent' card when it's blatantly obvious you're not
 
hi teulk.

Im 25 so im not to old remember being 17! At that age I was ok, although my only chore was cutting grass :) which I did on time, most of the time.

It's your house, your rules. They seem reasonable rules to me, your not exactly asking the earth!

I would say you have been fine. You just need to be carefully now, dont back down to quickly...... at the same time you don't wanna push him away.
 
Its already been bleated about that teenagers are all like this. So we should now pamper to them all the time?
I know kids who have everything they want, yet turn out to be complete brats. I know kids who have very little yet their morals and behaviour is most commendable. There is no singular way to treat/discipline children at any age. You can only do your best within the confines of the relationship you have with your child.

I don't believe that kids are out on the streets strictly cos of bad parental treatment. I firmly believe that society 'allows' kids to think they automatically have the right to be respected and more right to disrespect others. They don't think they should earn respect at all. When they're old enough to take on some responsibility for themselves, thats when they can start earning respect.

Too many people are still banging on about "it was only 9.30 and only an open door". When will you get the point? Its the blatant disregard for his parents' authority, one too many times as it seems, that had the OP resort to such action.
But lets imagine the door rule, the lazy oik can't be arsed to close the door, the cat scratches the hell out of the suite. Nice! Ok, make the kid pay for it, but how much £1 a week on the mone he is on? and what of the ripped up sofa? When does that get replaced/repaired? When its all paid for?
Even if he did pay for all the damage, it's still not really the point is it? And to me, its the ultimate show of disrespect.
Now the OP did take a risk in texting, but maybe that's what it called for, we'll see if he keeps posting updates as to whether the situation smoothes out or not.
I reckon he'll be back with his tail between his legs, and hopefully a good ole father son chat can sort out some differences.
 
mangobreeder said:
tell him, hes 17 now, and had his mother tit for too long, time to grow up and obey the rules.

punish him for every infraction, write down the offence and the punishment, he breaks to law he is punished according to the schedule. E.g. leaving the door open one day, no x-box the next.

seriously get him to start paying house keeping, then he will stop thinking its a hotel, do go for a fix fee, go for %age so hes not getting one over you when he get a better job

1. take away X-box.
2. internet.
3. cut all electricty from his room
4. get his to do his own washing, he will start washing clothes when he has nothing to wear.
5. no friends over, as a punishment.
6. no sky tv
Click to expand...

I hope to god you are not being serious.

That is TERRIBLE advice, it is treating him as a child. If anything, it will just make him annoyed, or breed resentment.

If the guy is asking to be treated as an adult, let him be. Speak to him in a mature, adult conversation. Tell him that he is being childish, and that you also over reacted. Tell him to pay some money, and to help around the house a bit and to be considerate. People tend to react how they are spoken to, if you are sound like you are whining or moaning it isn't going to resolve it. Have a "man to man" talk with him , and tell him that eventually he will have responsibilities of his own when he decides to have a family, tell him you are simply helping him prepare for this.

Simply talk to him about it, as a human being, the one thing that frustrated me most in the entire world is when someone is annoyed at me/wants to ask me something/whatever else and simply does not talk to me in about it, clearly and calmly.
 
lol...you kicked him out of the house for that. Seriously...way over the top and I'm fairly sure it'll only make things worse because it's such a ridiculous unfair overeaction.
 
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