How do you react after an argument with your partner?

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 21:35

I ask the question because I've had a huge falling out with my boyfriend this evening and where as I am the type to hang around and try to face up to things and work through issues, he likes to walk out, disappear to a mates and then think its ok to ignore me for a time period of his choice whether it be a few hours or overnight. Apparently this time round he is unlikely to come home all weekend. Unfortunately (thats how I feel) we own a house between us and so at some point he'll have to turn back into an adult and come back to his reponsibilities.

So....how do you deal with arguments? Is it easier to walk away then stand and talk?

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 21:48

I suppose I should have been more honest in my original post but I'm trying to look for advice opposed to sympathy. I believe he has gone for the whole weekend because he no longer wants our relationship, this was all laid out for me in a text message rather than telling me to my face which I would have appreciated far more. A text of that nature somehow seems heartless and makes it look like it meant nothing.

I don't know if the friend is male or female, I suspect it to be one of his male friends who he is currently on a 9 month course with.

I was upset to start with, then I got angry and now I just feel numb. Trying to refrain from winding myself up over it. It was very heated by the way.

If I am honest, I just feel stupid. I posted on here because I dont really have anyone else to tell. I moved nearly 2 years ago away from home to be with this guy. I can count the number of people I know in Sussex on one hand and now I feel like a mug for leaving everything I knew and loved for the first 25 yearsof my life for someone who doesn't really want to be with me.

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 22:06

Begbie said:
That is crap.

It should never be done via a text, or even a phone call. Is he constantly texting you or is he not texting back?

He needs to talk to you, and if he is not prepared to do so well hes a prat.

He texted back for a bit and now its all gone quiet. I guess he's probably out with friend getting drunk or something. I've given up chasing him for tonight.

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 22:18

Maybe it is me who is going wrong then. Maybe I should just leave him to it to calm down....that is if we are together long enough for another row!

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 22:24

I would if I knew anyone.

I've settled into an evening of Big Brother and OCUK for the moment with the intention of having a reasonably early night.

He might get a shock if he comes home tomorrow as my parents are due down for the day.

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 22:30

gillywibble said:
Eat Doughnuts.

I've just munched two Cadburys chocolate mousse, do they count?

28 days later?? :eek:

Did I mention I'm a wimp?

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 22:42

Camalot said:
Well its got to be better than big brother

Not when it's that selfish cow Nicole they are booting out.

It seems a lot of people walk away from the situation, perhaps I am an unusual breed. I'd put the differences in approach down to the fact that we are 3.5 years different in age. Thought maybe it was a maturity thing. Perhaps not!

Minxy · 22 Aug 2008 at 22:52

Skull said:
Is the house in both your names?

Yes it is, we have a joint mortgage. If he just disappeared for a couple of hours and came back to talk I could handle that. Its the text dumping thing and the whole weekend away thing that is eating me up. He must have such little respect for me.

Roberta, thank you! Especially for the eye thing, I might just try that.

Camelot, yes I'm 27, he has recently turned 24.

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 00:04

branddaly said:
Arguements are something I hate. My girlfriend has this strange belief that everything has to be pulled out into the open and discussed. I'm more of the walk out of the room, flat, town, and go off some where to calm down. If there was a fundamental issue where I didn't want to be going out with her, then like a typical bloke I'd just tell her. But where there are other issues, then I'm likely to bury my head in the sand and hope they go away. My general opinion (and yes I'm occasionally wrong, and could be again here), is that blokes deal with problems in a blunt way. If they are walking out and avoiding the issue, its not because we don't care, its because we know we are blunt and are trying not to upset you futher.

That makes a lot of sense. In the heat of the moment when he's walking out it does just feel like he doesn't care.

Mind you I have the texts to back that up don't I.

While we're on the subject, does anyone have any legal knowledge? I'm guessing he cant force me to either move out or make me put the house on the market without my backing?

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 00:10

djmc0 said:
I suppose that depends who's name is on the mortgage?.. I hope if your paying most of the bills you weren't silly enough to make it a joint mortgage?

As said it is a joint mortgage and we pay the bills between us but then we had anticipated being together for a while (as you do). I take it that complicates things?

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 00:16

djmc0 said:
Ah, sorry a bit worse for wear, is it really worth about thinking the worst case scenario right now though? hopefully things still maybe salvageable.

I'm preparing for the worst. Judging by the texts I've had tonight I'd be foolish to hope for anything else.

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 00:22

Thanks djmc0.

I hope we patch it up too. Guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 08:37

Well he stuck to his word and never came home last night.

I've texted him, got no reply so tried to call him and his phone is off. Whether he is out of battery or just being cruel I dont know but I'm pretty besides myself here.

My parents are supposed to be here in a couple of hours, I dont even know if I want them to come. I'm going to be crap company.

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 17:39

Thank you to everyone who has posted in this thread. It's been good to get other peoples point of view.

He's home but isn't sure what he wants. My parents have been and gone so I'm trying to chill out in front of a James Bond movie now. He's locked himself away to do some coursework. Anything to avoid actually talking to me.

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 18:35

snowdog said:
Responsibilities? Does he have kids? If not then surely there's no point in him being home and he should be able to go out when he wants to?

I have the same problem with my parents, started going out a bit and only thing I hear is whining and phonecalls to come home, they should make up their bloody mind as when I sticked home all day they told me to get out...

The difference is that I am not his Mum, I'm his girlfriend. We made a commitment to each other when we bought a house together therefore we have responsibilites to each other and to our home. A mortgage is as binding as a Wedding certificate these days.

It isn't about trying to stop him going out, it's about trying to resolve our differences.

Minxy · 23 Aug 2008 at 19:04

snowdog said:
Like what?

Sorry to sound like an idiot, but I'm a complete noob when it comes to relationships and living together .

I see living together and owning a property together little different from being married. We made a commitment to each other by offering to share each others lives. Never mind the fact that we have financial obligations.

Maybe that's just me.