How Quick is Too Quick or Too Long?

[SpellowHouse]

So, your partner has passed on.
How long do you think is "normal, everything is fine" for someone to move on an get another relationship, and how long is "abnormal, there is something wrong"?
When I say "how long" that could be either too fast or too slow.

 

[Meddling-Monk]

The only answer you need is the answer to this:

Are YOU ready?

Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If you're honest with yourself, when you ask this question, there's your answer. If you're not honest with yourself, you're not ready. If you're worried about "missing out", you'll miss out anyway by not being ready.

So... Are YOU ready?

 

[CapitalOne]

Have events from the other thread taken a turn?

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

Is this related to your other post? Either way, how soon is now is a great question and, helpfully, a great pop song:

 

[Ayahuasca]

Also, about 3 seconds and 8 inches.

 

[SpellowHouse]

Have events from the other thread taken a turn?

No, this is another sibling. My brother died last year. His missus has just declared she is with another guy. Almost one year to the dot. It strikes me that something is slightly wrong, it's a little too fast in my opinion.

 

[Ayahuasca]

No, this is another sibling. My brother died last year. His missus has just declared she is with another guy. Almost one year to the dot. It strikes me that something is slightly wrong, it's a little too fast in my opinion.

 

[Building Candy]

.............. in my opinion.

You seem to have a lot of that recently

 

[Yaayuh!]

About tree-fiddy.

 

[SpellowHouse]

You seem to have a lot of that recently

You mean you have no opinions?

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

No, this is another sibling. My brother died last year. His missus has just declared she is with another guy. Almost one year to the dot. It strikes me that something is slightly wrong, it's a little too fast in my opinion.

What would you prefer? Her to be unhappy or you to be happier (interchangeable most likely).

 

[mid_gen]

I know people have been joking about GD turning into Mumsnet.....but seriously, stop it.

 

[Ayahuasca]

I know people have been joking about GD turning into Mumsnet.....but seriously, stop it.

Okay, let's start asking the real questions then.

Opious P, is this new fella more attractive than your brother?

 

[SpellowHouse]

I suspect poison!
But, no, seriously, it's a forum. Forums are about discussion, not minding your business!
It's just a human thing. How long does it take to fully recover from the loss of a partner? It seems to me that one year is not really enough. Is someone who moves in to another relationship in that time just on the rebound? Or is everything fine?

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

I know people have been joking about GD turning into Mumsnet.....but seriously, stop it.

This is the movie we deserve

e: I'll leave my comment there but god damn I am straight up having a bad time if this is even more GD made-up poop.

 

[Ayahuasca]

It's just a human thing. How long does it take to fully recover from the loss of a partner?

There are too many factors to give a definitive answer, such as their age, the circumstances in which they died and the level of “guilt” in terms of having a romantic relationship with someone else.

We're all built differently brah and we're all gonna make it.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

And to begin, OP, how quick is too quick and/or too long, in your opinion?

(can't help but feel this would have been the question you should have lead with but what do I know).

​

 

[Chris Wilson]

I was half expecting this to be a "How many Viagra should I take?" question to be honest.

 

[krooton]

Maybe a month minimum for each year they were together? Which tapers down the longer it gets, I think someone who loses a spouse of 20 years could start looking for a new relationship after a year, but everyone progresses towards closure/acceptance at their own pace.

 

[Meddling-Monk]

How long does it take to fully recover from the loss of a partner? It seems to me that one year is not really enough. Is someone who moves in to another relationship in that time just on the rebound? Or is everything fine?

That's all nice and good, so we know you answering honestly, feels that 1 year is too short "for YOU".

But... that's you. Not me, anyone else, and certainly not your brothers partner.

Back to my first post here. If you're honest when you ask yourslef this question, you willl have your answer. We know yours (if you're being honest) that 1 year is not enough. But again, that is for you.

The only way to know the answer for your brothers partner, is if they honestly ask themselves the question and answer it. And if they have, they'll have their answer and that'll be the right answer "for THEM".

Some move on fast, some never do. Some take longer, some take less time. Again, no "right" answer except for the person asked the question. And in this case, it's really more about the answer from your brothers partner than yourself. So if they're moving on, then you can not honestly believe what you think is the "right time" to be the "right answer".

I mean, you guys here in the West have it all nice and cushy. I'm from the generation (and culture) of Chinese where we "mourn" for THREE YEARS. And we can't get married or anything during that time (no happy occasions during the period of mourning). This time of mourning has changed over the years though. Going from 3 years to 1, to 3 months, to 1 month, 7 days, 3 days, and for some even just the 1 day (although I'd seriously give them an evil eye for those doing ONE day of mourning, respect the dead enough for THREE days at least , but even then it would not be my call). Anyway, the point is to reinforce what I said above:

What is "wrong" for someone/something else, does not mean it can not be "right" for someone/something else. And as time goes by, even that changes.

Live in peace, let them live their life; for managing other peoples lives (what you feel they should be doing, thinking or feeling), means you're not living your own. And that's unhealthy (for you).