How Quick is Too Quick or Too Long?

Meddling-Monk said:
That's all nice and good, so we know you answering honestly, feels that 1 year is too short "for YOU".

But... that's you. Not me, anyone else, and certainly not your brothers partner.

Back to my first post here. If you're honest when you ask yourslef this question, you willl have your answer. We know yours (if you're being honest) that 1 year is not enough. But again, that is for you.

The only way to know the answer for your brothers partner, is if they honestly ask themselves the question and answer it. And if they have, they'll have their answer and that'll be the right answer "for THEM".

Some move on fast, some never do. Some take longer, some take less time. Again, no "right" answer except for the person asked the question. And in this case, it's really more about the answer from your brothers partner than yourself. So if they're moving on, then you can not honestly believe what you think is the "right time" to be the "right answer".

I mean, you guys here in the West have it all nice and cushy. I'm from the generation (and culture) of Chinese where we "mourn" for THREE YEARS. And we can't get married or anything during that time (no happy occasions during the period of mourning). This time of mourning has changed over the years though. Going from 3 years to 1, to 3 months, to 1 month, 7 days, 3 days, and for some even just the 1 day (although I'd seriously give them an evil eye for those doing ONE day of mourning, respect the dead enough for THREE days at least :mad:, but even then it would not be my call). Anyway, the point is to reinforce what I said above:

What is "wrong" for someone/something else, does not mean it can not be "right" for someone/something else. And as time goes by, even that changes.

Live in peace, let them live their life; for managing other peoples lives (what you feel they should be doing, thinking or feeling), means you're not living your own. And that's unhealthy (for you).
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You need to change your user name to match the (very reasonable and very well presented) views you are expressing :) Maybe Non-Meddling-Monk?
 
SpellowHouse said:
How long does it take to fully recover from the loss of a partner?
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The correct answer to this is probably "forever". Assuming it was a genuine relationship, then the loss of a loved one is not really something you fully "recover" from, you just learn to deal with it, and that gets easier as time goes on.

However, that's not the question you're asking. What you're asking is "how long is too soon to get into another serious relationship?" and the answer to that question depends on so many variables it's impossible to answer. I can understand you being "protective" over your brother (sorry for your loss btw :(), but ultimately in this case it's none of your business; if there are kids involved, then perhaps you have some responsibility to make sure they aren't negatively impacted by any of the fallout, but otherwise, these are 2 consenting adults we're talking about, and it's up to them to a) decide how they feel and if they're ready (on the part of your sister in law), and/or b) if they're happy to take on the risk of being a rebound fling (on the part of the new partner).
 
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mid_gen said:
I know people have been joking about GD turning into Mumsnet.....but seriously, stop it.
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Penis beaker.

Ayahuasca said:
Okay, let's start asking the real questions then.

Opious P, is this new fella more attractive than your brother?
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If the brother has been dead for a year then you aren't setting a very high bar for the new guy.

SpellowHouse said:
How long does it take to fully recover from the loss of a partner? It seems to me that one year is not really enough. Is someone who moves in to another relationship in that time just on the rebound? Or is everything fine?
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It depends.

burtie said:
About 5 year's for my mother, I hate going round her house now and seeing him sat in dad's chair. It is what it is I guess.
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Some people that I knew through work: Wife of renowned active Christian church member dies leaving him with a couple of teenage children, triggering much sympathy especially from an elderly (close to retirement) female colleague who organises a collection for flowers for the funeral. A couple of months later the newly widowed god squadder announces that he is getting married to the sister of his deceased wife. Elderly female colleague is absolutely horrified and does not organise a collection for the wedding!
 
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SpellowHouse said:
So, your partner has passed on.
How long do you think is "normal, everything is fine" for someone to move on an get another relationship, and how long is "abnormal, there is something wrong"?
When I say "how long" that could be either too fast or too slow.
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I'd give it a week or two before going out and playing the sympathy card to get the old chap wet.
 
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A yr is a long time to stay single.

Wot did the wizard say to Harry in the Mirror room?

'It does not do to dwell on the past, and forget how to live.'
 
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Are there kids involved?

How long would you want someone to mourn you?

How would you want them to mourn you?


The answers of these questions will probably inform you of the response to your own question.

Your answer to your own question is not the same as hers.


You could ask her the question too. Because it’s only her answer you actually will care about.
 
SpellowHouse said:
Almost one year to the dot. It strikes me that something is slightly wrong, it's a little too fast in my opinion.
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Don't they say that the better the relationship, the better the surviving partner will be in accepting that loss and moving on
Perhaps you should take it as a positive endorsement about your late brother's relationship with his partner

Do you think he'd want her to sit around mourning his loss for more than a year?...life is short and a year seems reasonable to me
 
When I go I want my other half to move on and be happy.

I mean at least wait until my ashes are cool but one month, one year, ten years - it's still the same situation, I'll be dead and she'll be alone.

I'm sorry for your loss but their relationship was not the same as yours - you lost a sibling, she lost a partner. They are not the same.
 
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