How Quick is Too Quick or Too Long?

Each person has different reactions to death. Some move on quickly and some never recover. Plus know people who are fine for a while then suddenly, the grieving comes back. It's usually on their loved ones birthdays, the anniversary of death etc.

Plus how people react is a infinite reasons. Suddenness of death, freedom before partner died etc. You hear of, esp women that their partner did all the finances, the only one that drove etc. One of my mum's friends, her husband died in his sleep in Jan 2020. She didn't know which bank her husband banked with! As he had the cards, not her. He paid the shopping etc. When she said to him, she needed a new coat, shoes etc - he gave her the cash as he had no patience for that kind of shopping. Fortunately, her son and daughter live nearby to assist her. The daughter moved and her two children into her home, just before the first lockdown. Mum's friend totally relied on her husband all the time. She wouldn't have coped if she was on her own during this time. Especially contacting banks etc to change things over to her name and get cards in her name.
 
SpellowHouse said:
Absolutely he would. He would prefer she suffered in torment for at least 10 years. He would be furious.
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Then he was a narcissistic dirtbag.

If he truly loved her he would be very happy that she is moving on with her life, not hanging in "widow limbo" forever feeling sorry for herself.

Anyone who thinks a widow / widower should spend their days in quite solitude mourning their loss for years is a jerk. They are still alive and they have the right to live (and love) again.
 
@SpellowHouse I'm sorry to hear that you lost your brother.

Personally, I'd say between 1 and 2 years is about right. Giving it a year will allow for birthdays and Christmas to pass, and process being without them, but then afterwards there's no point in hanging around.

Life is for living, not mourning.
 
I do think a year is about right but then again, my aunt was married to my uncle for 50 years.

She had Huntingtons disease but it was cancer that she passed from.

He was amazing and looked after her til she went into a hospice and I've never heard anyone sob so much or so loud at the funeral.

Broke my heart to hear him.

But within a year he had met someone and they went travelling together and now they're married.

His son thinks it is great that he met someone.

However his 2 daughters were appalled and they don't talk to him anymore. It caused a huge family fall out which was really sad.

One of my best friends, friend, was with a guy for a few years and they were due to get married.

He sadly took his own life which was horrendous and she was obviously devastated.

She just couldn't understand why and especially as they were getting married.

She has pretty severe learning difficulties though but 8/9 months later she was with someone else!
 
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@Alice In Wonderland I know many people who have remarried after their spouse died after a long marriage, like your aunt and uncle. Again it's 50/50 split over children liking the new relationship or not.

Remember a family friend marrying her late husband's best friend who lost his wife within 6 months of her husband dying.
 
Haggisman said:
Sounds like he's better off without them tbh, why would anyone want their parent to spend the rest of their life miserable?
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Because everyone reacts to death differently and sometimes seeing a parent with someone new can be incredibly hard, or maybe they think she is a gold digger come to steal their inheritance! Surprisingly common reaction especially if the new partner is younger I’ve seen it literally rip families apart, money can make people crazy.
 
Watching this in my family, I can see the divisions forming!

It's the women who consider one year too soon. The men think one year is fine.

a1ex2001 said:
Because everyone reacts to death differently and sometimes seeing a parent with someone new can be incredibly hard, or maybe they think she is a gold digger come to steal their inheritance! Surprisingly common reaction especially if the new partner is younger I’ve seen it literally rip families apart, money can make people crazy.
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Actually you are surprisingly right!
Two of the women in my family are outraged by the development. They are now talking about "since he died all she has done is party", yet they never questioned this until another "he" appeared on the scene.
They are contemplating confronting the man ... as if it's his fault!! (at this point I step back and hide in a cupboard).
Oh, god, the anger is unbelievable.
 
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SpellowHouse said:
Two of the women in my family are outraged by the development. They are now talking about "since he died all she has done is party", yet they never questioned this until another "he" appeared on the scene.
They are contemplating confronting the man ... as if it's his fault!! (at this point I step back and hide in a cupboard).
Oh, god, the anger is unbelievable.
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Envy is a terrible thing :cry:
 
Haggisman said:
I meant more envious of her enjoying the single life, non-stop partying etc.



I'd reserve judgement on that until you find out whether he plans on paying towards the bills... :p
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:cry:

My sister suspects the opposite :rolleyes:. My brother was her second husband. She got a big house from the first, a big fat bank account and three more houses from my brother.
 
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