How to resolve this? (I think my heads broke)

Locrian said:
'Get over it' is probably the best post here. There are definitely some issues here mate, and in m opinion they aren't with him they are with you. You sum it up perfectly with ' *He* told me if I don't sort myself out that I'd loose (sic) friends '. To me, that sounds like something a true friend would say. Its blatant, its harsh, but its true. However, you aren't willing to blame yourself only others. You seem very self centered in all of your assumptions. For isntance, your friend asking for your other friends phone number. Why do you assume he is rejecting you? Is ti not possible he maybe thought the other guy was a decent bloke? It wont be until you look on the inside that you might be able to sort out your problems on the outside.
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There is some truth to that, but you don't know my mate. I assumed he rejected me since he hasn't called in 4 months. He normally calls after 2 weeks thinking its been a long time. He really does try to manipulate people. For example. He wanted to go to a pasta resturant because he loves pasta. I said I don't eat pasta so he said they'll do steak. I said of course they won't. He said his usual "you never know". 10 mins later, checked the menu and oh gosh shock no steak. He did that exact same thing that night too. I was desperate for food due to my low blood sugar and he checked out the local pasta place. I said I can't eat anything there and he told me I was being silly. If your "mate" had said anything to get you to go see a film he wanted to see, even if you didn't want to see it then was very harsh with you after it and then didn't stick to his word after you had tried to move on and deal with things you may feel a bit let down too. Like I said, I'd been fine with going clubbing if only he hadn't been a jerk all evening. One thing after another. The pasta place, telling me in a very stern voice "no we are not going to BK" when it was next door and i'm shaking, sweating and god knows how far from blacking out, buying me a drink I hadn't drank for 4 years, and then taking away the one thing I had been looking forward to all day just so he could perv at women. Its not just me that thinks this too, another of my mates does agree with me. Sure I do have issues but then so does this guy.

m00ch0 said:
you need to chillout seriously i thought i looked into things too much!
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I don't know how to.

anewbe4u said:
I think I'd stop inviting you out too if those little things wound you up.
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Which is exactly why I've kept it to myself for so many years.

Treefrog said:
This sounds a lot like how I used to feel cyKey.

After rereading your post it sounds like you're on the same path I was. Not very self-confident or assertive, not saying anything at the time and avoiding confrontation, wishing I'd said something and getting wound up because I hadn't, and getting annoyed at niggles rather than at the real cause. This ended up with a three year period of depression which was probably the worst time of my life. Does this sound like you're in the same boat?

If so, then I really, really suggest you find the motivation from somewhere, anywhere, to deal with it, because it sounds like it's affecting your day-to-day life to a significant degree. And the bad news is it will continue to do this until you do something about it. The good news is that it means you can do something about it, it's not something that someone else is doing and therefore out of your control. Maybe you can't do it alone, but you alone can do it.

For your own sake dude don't just sit there and do nothing, do something positive whatever it is. Remember - people can only treat you like that if you allow them to. Tell yourself that you aren't going to put up with it, then tell them. And tell them in such a way that the message gets through. I find it helps to think of the result I want and then work backwards from that to decide on the best course of action.

Go for it. :)
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Sounds totally like me. I can be as happy as a butterfly on a flower until one small thing like my Dad biting his nails and me unable to say anything brings me right down. But I've thought for so long that if I'm constantly telling everyone to stop biting their nails, jiggling legs, and doing 100 other annoying things everyone will end up hating me because I'm annoying them. Oh fun and games :)

Richdog said:
Try professional help on why such ridiculous little things annoy you so much, they may be able to help you " get over it".
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I did once because it was affecting my work. There was this guy who bounced his leg ALL day. It was in the corner of my eye all day and when I moved my stupid brain adjusted and I started noticing the vibrations in my desk instead. So all day my desk would vibrate and I knew it was him causing it. I was wound up every day at work. This woman told me that in those circumstances people should try to focus on something else, like a ticking clock to distract them. I've tried that. It just doesn't work for me.

Morba said:
get over it
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I want to sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. I just don't know how.
 
Go see a Doctor or someone like that.

Yes, habits can be annoying, and I'd get peeved if someone was eating with their mouth open in front of me, or jigging my desk up and down; but there are ways and ways of dealing with these things. It doesn't sound like you handle them very well, so it'd be worth seeing someone to get that sorted.
 
vonhelmet said:
Go see a Doctor or someone like that.

Yes, habits can be annoying, and I'd get peeved if someone was eating with their mouth open in front of me, or jigging my desk up and down; but there are ways and ways of dealing with these things. It doesn't sound like you handle them very well, so it'd be worth seeing someone to get that sorted.
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I did last year and he gave me something that made me yawn every minute for an hour. That didn't quite help :) He did say it could be a mild form of OCD :/
 
See your GP and ask for a referal. If he offers antidepressants (which is entirely possible reading your post) say you'd rather be referred to someone who can help you learn to cope with mild OC behaviour before it gets too out of hand. Be proactive in seeking help (you already are by accepting there is an issue, well done!!) and you'll probably feel more positive immediately.

Good luck!
 
Its good to see that it wasn't all in my head :) I've I'm going to be honest I've already saught professional help and been advised. It didn't really help, though saying that there was one tip I've been unable to do. That was to move out and get some place where I can relax. I can't afford that as I'm trying to establish myself as a photographer and I have 0 money. Joy :)
 
Kell_ee001 said:
Have an art exhibit - make lots of money while becoming famous = move out!

Problem solved! :D
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Hehe I did look into that, there are only 5 photo galleries in the UK now. One is in Liverpool but its all about social commentary and stuff.

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder describes a disorder of perfectionism and inflexibility. Symptoms may include distress associated with indecisiveness and difficulty in expressing tender feelings, feelings of depression, and anger about being controlled by others
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Just found that. That is SO me. I may ring up the docs tomorrow before this thread becomes too medical :)
 
Sounds like it's one of those 50/50 problems - i.e. 50% him and 50% you.

From the way you explain things, he is being selfish and doing what he wants to do, and to hell with what you want to do. I wouldn't call that friendship myself. Of course, I've only heard one side of the story, but I have no reason to doubt you.

However, I'm no psychiatrist, but I'd say you have both a self-confidence problem and mild OCD. I can understand some of where you're coming from, as I'm somewhat lacking in self-confidence and certainly have bad habits. Oh, and the leg jiggling thing annoys the hell out of me too, but the rest don't bother me. In my case, I'm not convinced I got as far as OCD, but it sure felt that way when I decided enough was enough and confronted at least part of the problem. Time will tell if I've made any inroads. Anyway, enough about me. If you really feel that you can't confront the problems yourself, then you really do need professional advice, and the sooner, the better. I'm not talking about either a 'quick fix' (antidepressants) or a single session. If your Doctor can't/won't help, then find someone who will. The good news is that realising that you have a problem, and talking to others about it, is at least a small step in the right direction, but you now have to maintain the momentum or you will just slide back down the slippery slope I'm afraid.
 
Right well that was fun. I rang my mate to sort things out and he was like "Clearly its taken months to get back to me and clearly you don't give a ****. The way you treated me I wouldn't treat a dog or a child. Have a nice life *hangs up*". Well he was some friend. Never accepted I had social anxiety issues even after I saw a psycologist. Never fully accepted my hypoglycemia. Now when I try and sort things out he throws it back in my face. He says I treated him like turd so does the same and never speaks to me again, what the? Sure maybe I was withdrawn and sarcastic. I get so wound up I can't help it. Now here I am trying to work on it knowing others have the same problems and I get nothing. I've read all about this OCPD thing and it defiently sounds like me. Would he do the same to someone with OCD who kept doing odd things? Gah. What a total ****.
 
To be a bit brutal, you dealt with the situation, it is now resolved. Draw a line under it and move on. Don't let this one plonker undermine what you're doing, he obviously wasn't a good friend anyway and certainly not the kind of person you need in your life at the moment.

Chin up :)
 
Yer gotta put it behind me. Just so hard hearing someone say that to me. I don't swear at my friends. Sure I may be sarcastic when I'm wound up but I never get angry like that. Kinda hard trying to remove his voice from my head and to stop shaking. I've lost 2 friends now since hes taken the other one. So thats pretty much it for all my friends that I grew up with. I hate that he said I don't care when I've been agonising over it all this time. Ok, brave face time as I go and say hi to my folks and off to a gig. I doubt I could tell them what he did without breaking down.
 
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