I thought i would never make a thread like this

[MoDe]

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel sometime soon guys? I can't bring myself to do something different because I can't think different, if that makes sense. It's been the worst time for my operation too, having time off. I honestly feel like sending her a right shirty message saying how it's making me feel, I'm just not going to give in to that and give her the satisfaction!

Yes, and it will come sooner than you think, you just need to be patient and take on board what people are telling you. I understand you may be recovering from an operation so some of the suggestions may not be viable right now.

I've never been an insecure person but just can't stop thinking all the negative scenarios.

I can level with you here. I wen't through a rough patch of this earlier this year, this insecurity has been triggered by the situation. That's why things like the gym will help (when you've recovered from your op). They help boost confidence and release them endorphin's that make you feel alive.

Social media is a nightmare in situations like this, the temptation to 'have a look' will only feed your insecurity. I would consider taking a break from it all together, or even make a new one and add the friends who will help.

Sometimes you need ask for help, lads are lads and we won't ask for help.

"Because we are BLOKES! and we don't talk about our emotions cause that's what girls do!..."

Hadaway! We should talk about stuff otherwise we lock stuff in that only grows and causes more damage in the long run.

Stay strong dude It will pass. No harm in seeing your GP if stuff piles on top of you. That's what they are there for.

 

[Cosmic182]

Well I popped to my gp this morning and had a chat. I felt embarrassed going which I said about but he reassured me it was all nothing to be embarrassed about. I feel the only thing which is really having affect on me is the thought of her being with someone else. She had a close college friend which she is good friends with, the more I'm thinking of it the more im thinking it is him. He dated one of my ex gfs housemates and I asked her at the time if it was him and she said certainly not him. But the more I think of it the more I'm thinking it is him, she has a pair of his shorts along with a few topless pictures of him in her phone I saw when she was showing me pictures from before she met me. Should I go outright and ask her if the reason of all this was him or what?
Thanks guys

 

[sb89]

Well I popped to my gp this morning and had a chat. I felt embarrassed going which I said about but he reassured me it was all nothing to be embarrassed about. I feel the only thing which is really having affect on me is the thought of her being with someone else. She had a close college friend which she is good friends with, the more I'm thinking of it the more im thinking it is him. He dated one of my ex gfs housemates and I asked her at the time if it was him and she said certainly not him. But the more I think of it the more I'm thinking it is him, she has a pair of his shorts along with a few topless pictures of him in her phone I saw when she was showing me pictures from before she met me. Should I go outright and ask her if the reason of all this was him or what?
Thanks guys

Why? She isn't your gf anymore. She can see who she likes now. As can you.

Thinking about who she's with now, or if she left you for him isn't going to help. Even if you did find out, what is it going to change? She still won't be with you and if anything, will make you more upset as you will know she's tossed you aside for someone else.

I don't want to sound mean but there is nothing more we can say. It's been said multiple times to not contact her, but with each new post you make it seem like you are asking us if you should contact her.

Just let it go. Stop thinking about her. Don't contact her. Move on.

 

[sb89]

..

 

[Cosmic182]

Okay, I'll take it aboard now. It just feels the only logical reasoning that she walked away so easily was because she had someone else to go to. Couple that with what I just said about him I just can't get it out of my head. Sorry guys. Feeling as pathetic as I sound.

 

[jumpy]

You keep asking the same redundant questions.

Nothing you say to her will help you feel any better, irrespective of how you play it out in your head.

You are probably not admitting this to yourself, but you are looking for excuses as to why it went wrong and she ended it. Now your focus seems to be on some other bloke interfering and causing your little relationship bubble to burst.
Invariably there is an element of both parties causing a relationship to fail, but one will take the lead in instigating it.

I know you're probably not in the best place right now, but the sort of things you're asking (even when you've already been told the answer is to not contact your ex), sounds like you don't want to listen to the advice you don't like.

You just have to accept your situation and move on. The kind of thinking you are engaging in will eat you up if you persist with it.

 

[blitzwing85]

Don't dwell on thoughts of being left for someone else - not in the sense that they are better than you.

I remember my first relationship 14 years ago and after 18 months I found out she was cheating on me etc and I felt pathetic that she thought someone else as better for her than me. After a while, I thought hold on - there are billions of people in the world and it's very plausible that 2 people can get on more, no matter how well you thought you got on with someone.

Years later and I had to do the same thing to a girl after 3.5 years. She did not take it well at all. With me, she had no friends and I was everything to her - she couldn't form lasting relationships with others and had some social problems and had therapy etc. Once we broke up, I sneakily checked on her years later and she had friends, went to college and got on with her life and ended up much better off.

Then I met who is now my wife and i'm the definition of happiness in my love life.

Imagine she had these feelings but had just stayed with you - wouldn't that be a LOT worse?
Then you'd never meet someone else as might end up in a loveless relationship where you sstay together for convenience over anything after 25 years.

Just think that you now have a chance to progress other things in your life until someone else comes along

 

[Cosmic182]

I honestly do feel like part of me is looking for an excuse, and the reason I think I am is because she didn't give me any. How can someone act truly normal up until the night she called it off, I honestly had no inkling or anything. She never acted any different, never said anything to me to make me feel it wasn't working, always said I love you etc, holiday booked and Christmas plans. Then roll forward 12 hrs later, I don't love you? I know this is why I am having such problems and trying to look for something... Truly sorry for these pathetic posts guys. I feel if she could lie to my face and act normal and tell me she loved me then she could lie when I asked her if there was someone else. I'd rather know the honest truth and at least hate her guts but be able to move on knowing why.

 

[FunkyCowie]

Stop asking yourself, why this and why that, honestly I feel like finding out where you live and slapping some sense into you from just reading your posts.

She has extracted herself from your world, she is no longer a part of it, only the ghost that you are still holding on to. Let it go man, you will only drive yourself in to a deep depression and none of us who are trying to help you want to see you go through that even though we don't really know you.

Most likely you already know why any way. Likely this...

She struggled with her feelings for you and wasn't sure for a long while but then decided that she just can't continue in the relationship because its not healthy for her and its best for her to leave you and move on hoping that you will just get over it.

You will never truely understand why no matter what she tells you or any of us suggest...

So mate... stop questioning, get over it and move on.

 

[jumpy]

I honestly do feel like part of me is looking for an excuse, and the reason I think I am is because she didn't give me any. How can someone act truly normal up until the night she called it off, I honestly had no inkling or anything. She never acted any different, never said anything to me to make me feel it wasn't working, always said I love you etc, holiday booked and Christmas plans. Then roll forward 12 hrs later, I don't love you? I know this is why I am having such problems and trying to look for something... Truly sorry for these pathetic posts guys. I feel if she could lie to my face and act normal and tell me she loved me then she could lie when I asked her if there was someone else. I'd rather know the honest truth and at least hate her guts but be able to move on knowing why.

For the parts in bold:

There's always signs; you just haven't been paying attention or don't have the experience or willingness to see them. RED FLAGS - learn to look for them.

No need to apologise chap, everyone goes through **** that twists their head round the wrong way. You just have to face up to how things are now and start dealing with what you have to do for yourself.

Honestly, 'knowing the honest truth' as you put it never made anyone feel better. Take it from me, been there done that, it did nothing to make me feel better; it was just another thing that made me feel worse.

Put it this way - currently you are looking to her for affirmation of how you feel about what has happened. This is all wrong on so many levels. Understandable, but still wrong. Look to yourself for how you want to feel and behave and don't take direction for this from how your ex might respond. Because if you keep looking to her you'll not take control of the situation for yourself. Stop reacting to how other people behave toward you, and act only for yourself.

Let it go man, you will only drive yourself in to a deep depression and none of us who are trying to help you want to see you go through that even though we don't really know you.

Quite.

 

[Cosmic182]

It truly is touching and uplifting to see just how kind and thoughtful you guys are. You don't know me face to face but you're all willing to do and help from experience to help me get back on my feet. I'd gladly be chuffed if anyone of you were my mates. Well an update, her housemate messaged me last night to see how I am and how the hospital went. I ignored this, roll on today my ex fb messaged me too (Were not friends on there - nor have I opened this message. Should I even bother to open it and if I did should I even respond back? From what I saw in the preview was "I know it's none of my business now but...." So she's obvuously just asking the same as what her housemate asked. I guess now the balls in my court I have 3 options... Tell her to chuff off, tell her how I truly feel, act cool.

I went to the gym yesterday evening, it didn't really help as it was still all what I could think of but I guess it's a start!

Your advice has/is really greatful more than you all could know.

 

[FunkyCowie]

Do not read or respond, just keep on moving forwards.