I thought i would never make a thread like this

xdcx said:
Quoting this from a few pages back because "Flipt" here is absolutely spot on the money with this post and it has actually helped me very much.

A genuine thanks from me Flipt :cool:
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No problem. At least I can share my experiences and learnings to help someone :)

jonneymendoza said:
No the best advice IMO is not to fall in love with someone 100%.

always hold back so that when it goes peer shape, you wont feel too sad and distraught.

bad guys end up finishing last in the long run. alone, no family or kids with partners they are no longer with, lots of regrets etc.
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That is complete nonsense! Why would you hold back not falling in love 100%? If you don't love someone 100% then I can bascially say that they are not for you, and that YOU are wasting their time being in a relationship.

Relationships will nearly always go pear shaped in some shape or form, and its either a challenge to work through it together as a couple or split ties.

My situation as being a single parent for the past 9 years hasn't made finding the right person that easy, nor has it made break ups easier either, and even I have suffered from depression through break ups. However, what I have learned is that you can't regret anything or see things as a waste of time. It is all a learning curve and with each relationship that has failed you need to take the experience from that. Don't dwell on the past, because I can bet that there will be a woman out there that will be 100x better than your previous!!
 
err ok.. so that's an overclockers winter season in the alps then. wicked! it's a big flat, bring sleeping mats as there are only 2 spare beds and one of them is a double. drinking contest to see who gets which bed. lol

be quite fun meeting new people and chucking them down a mountain in an attempt to teach you all how to snowboard :D

It's not Chamonix, it's bigger and cheaper! 4th largest single station on the planet i think. and you won't find the resort name on any maps as the resort is not named after the towns or villages. infact it was just rated as the cheapest rosort per/km in france.
Serre Chevalier of course :D

got a load of spare boards, some boots but little else so bring winter clothing (nights get down to -30*c in cold years), lift pass and drinking money and a can-do attitude.

Honestly I'm happy to have a rolling content of visitors all winter who want to snowboard or ski. but i can't teach skiing. so anyone fancy staying in a 400 year old walled city at the top of a mountain, spending the days sliding on snow and nights gaming or drinking/dancing in the bars is more than welcome.
 
Flipt said:
No problem. At least I can share my experiences and learnings to help someone :)



That is complete nonsense! Why would you hold back not falling in love 100%? If you don't love someone 100% then I can bascially say that they are not for you, and that YOU are wasting their time being in a relationship.

Relationships will nearly always go pear shaped in some shape or form, and its either a challenge to work through it together as a couple or split ties.

My situation as being a single parent for the past 9 years hasn't made finding the right person that easy, nor has it made break ups easier either, and even I have suffered from depression through break ups. However, what I have learned is that you can't regret anything or see things as a waste of time. It is all a learning curve and with each relationship that has failed you need to take the experience from that. Don't dwell on the past, because I can bet that there will be a woman out there that will be 100x better than your previous!!
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Relationships aint easy fella thats for sure
 
logicfry said:
err ok.. so that's an overclockers winter season in the alps then. wicked! it's a big flat, bring sleeping mats as there are only 2 spare beds and one of them is a double. drinking contest to see who gets which bed. lol

be quite fun meeting new people and chucking them down a mountain in an attempt to teach you all how to snowboard :D

It's not Chamonix, it's bigger and cheaper! 4th largest single station on the planet i think. and you won't find the resort name on any maps as the resort is not named after the towns or villages. infact it was just rated as the cheapest rosort per/km in france.
Serre Chevalier of course :D

got a load of spare boards, some boots but little else so bring winter clothing (nights get down to -30*c in cold years), lift pass and drinking money and a can-do attitude.

Honestly I'm happy to have a rolling content of visitors all winter who want to snowboard or ski. but i can't teach skiing. so anyone fancy staying in a 400 year old walled city at the top of a mountain, spending the days sliding on snow and nights gaming or drinking/dancing in the bars is more than welcome.
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Now to find a way to get jacked :')
 
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the snow has already started :)
 
I guess I have one thing to thank her for, sending me to the hospital about a mole I had on my forearm. It was removed about 4 weeks ago, just had my follow up appointment, malignant melanoma skin cancer. It's in the early stages which I guess is good. I've got to have more removed. This month is just one big bag of ****
 
Tefal said:
Can i come? :p

I can bring a collection of very attractive and very appreciative hookers :D
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Dude.... I'm not having you pimp me out again... we agreed to keep it between us ;)

logicfry said:
err ok.. so that's an overclockers winter season in the alps then. wicked! it's a big flat, bring sleeping mats as there are only 2 spare beds and one of them is a double. drinking contest to see who gets which bed. lol

be quite fun meeting new people and chucking them down a mountain in an attempt to teach you all how to snowboard :D

It's not Chamonix, it's bigger and cheaper! 4th largest single station on the planet i think. and you won't find the resort name on any maps as the resort is not named after the towns or villages. infact it was just rated as the cheapest rosort per/km in france.
Serre Chevalier of course :D

got a load of spare boards, some boots but little else so bring winter clothing (nights get down to -30*c in cold years), lift pass and drinking money and a can-do attitude.

Honestly I'm happy to have a rolling content of visitors all winter who want to snowboard or ski. but i can't teach skiing. so anyone fancy staying in a 400 year old walled city at the top of a mountain, spending the days sliding on snow and nights gaming or drinking/dancing in the bars is more than welcome.
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Oh dude you have no idea how much I'd take you up on this if I had any money whatsoever to my name.... sounds like epic fun

Cosmic182 said:
I guess I have one thing to thank her for, sending me to the hospital about a mole I had on my forearm. It was removed about 4 weeks ago, just had my follow up appointment, malignant melanoma skin cancer. It's in the early stages which I guess is good. I've got to have more removed. This month is just one big bag of ****
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Well Cosmic just be grateful you've caught it early and it can be treated..... I know things might seem truly awful right now but once you hit rock bottom the only place to go is up as they say..... things will get better for you mate believe me...
 
Had the second op yesterday, in quite a bit of pain today with it. Well I've not spoke to her for a week now. I collected my stuff from her housemate on Sunday and there was half the money for the holiday we had booked, a long with the watch I got her for her birthday last week, haven't ate much at all this past week, struggling quite a lot tbh. Am I being deluded by thinking if I do this if i do that it will change how she feels? If I was to even attemp to try get her back what is the best way of this? The thought of he being with someone else churns my stomach and atm it's all I can think about pretty much all day everyday. I arnt being a doormat or anything like that, I just wondered if there was a chance of this happening. She hasn't messaged me or anything so I almost feel like she just doesn't care which is causing me to feel a bit bitter and hurt.

Thanks guys
 
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At some point I think you need to think to yourself, "If she could just throw me out like that, cut me out of her life, do I even want to be with her now?".

Granted, I know that for now, the answer is probably yes, but over time, perhaps that will change? Sorry to hear about the mole results mate, but I guess you have to consider yourself... not lucky but... well sort of lucky, to have found it when you did?
 
Thanks Redgie. I feel like I do? I feel to get closure I almost need to try something even if it fails as I feel as if she hasn't. I'm not sure how to go about it or wether to just stick to no contact, the one thing that worries about me nt trying is the thought of her moving on and finding someone else so easily. I'll post a couple of pictures later and show the results of yesterday butchery.
 
Try not to focus on what she's going to do with her life, there's really no point stressing about things you can't control. If she does that then I'd take it as closure she doesn't want to be with you or try again.
 
@Cosmic182

Unfortunately if she's given you the sack and has cut contact, you are going to have to reprogram your brain to allow for the change in circumstances.

Right now your default program is "I love this woman" and you currently have no error handling function to allow for 'getting dumped and cutting all contact'. Understandably this is causing you to experience some stability issues - "what if...?" "maybe if I...?" etc.

As blunt as it is to say, your new program should be "**** that bitch!". Find some new addons to compliment your new OS. Such as "do you even lift" or "morning, thanks for the cuppa, I'll see myself out". You get the gist.


As unpleasant as it will sound to you, if you're bothered by her moving on with someone else.... well, she probably will, and with more ease than you because she has taken control of the situation and made it work for herself already. Whilst she might not find her choice terribly easy to begin with, that will fade fairly quickly. You on the other hand, have been left with no choice at all which is always harder to deal with.

Is is important for your future well-being not to allow this disparity to remain unchanged longterm. In other words, the sooner you forget about her the better your life will be for it.

Try the OcUK chalet-girl challenge. I'm sure logicfry will be happy to keep a tally of the scores.
 
Cosmic182 said:
Thanks Redgie. I feel like I do? I feel to get closure I almost need to try something even if it fails as I feel as if she hasn't. I'm not sure how to go about it or wether to just stick to no contact, the one thing that worries about me nt trying is the thought of her moving on and finding someone else so easily. I'll post a couple of pictures later and show the results of yesterday butchery.
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I suppose part of the problem is that you never had control over this break up and you are struggling to understand how she truly feels about you. What you have to try and understand is that she has 'fallen out of love with you' and that will not change no matter how much you say to her you will try and be better and make her happier etc. Her mind is made up! It took me a long long while to come to terms with this myself and it will take time for you to realise this. You will feel hurt and your stomach will churn at the thought of her being with someone else, but this will get easier I can assure you.

My best advice to you after being through a similar situation very recently, is to just get what you can back from her in terms of personal belongings and then cut ties all together. Get joined up to some free dating sites and try and get chatting to other women. You may not feel you're ready but do it. You don't need to smash pasty if you don't want to, but you can at least get your confidence back that you are still wanted by the opposite sex. I have been on a few dates and made some friends already, even though it will not lead any further than that.

My 2 cents again :)
 
Thank you very much guys! Really does help. Well as I say I got my things back Sunday night and there was half of the holiday money and the watch I got her for her birthday. ( I did ask for the watch back as she said she had been feeling the way she felt for weeks, but obviously put on a show on her birthday and accepted it) I felt terrible doing this :( but everyone keeps saying I did the right thing? Just feel hurt that someone who I thought truly loved me could string me along. Oh well :( ty guys
 
Guys I feel like calling her or messaging her. Is this a terrible idea? Is it a bad idea to try and rekindle like it was from the start? Sending her a spontaneous message or a call. I cannot get out of my head that if I do not try this I won't get the closure I need. I mean if she has already left have I got anything more left to lose from trying? I don't mean begging or looking for sympathy, I simply mean kind of txting or ringing her as a friend and trying from there.

I appreciate this advice.
 
In your case after what you've told us I wouldn't try and make contact, certainly not this early anyway. Give her a break so you can both think clearly again.
 
This happened to me 5 years ago, girlfriend of 7 years left (we weren't getting on) we kinda kept in contact facebook mainly, 6 months later met someone on a dating website now have a 2 year old son and a successful Dr fiancé. Her leaving 5 years ago was the best thing shes ever done for me.
 
I know you're not thinking like this just now, but you need to ask yourself "why would you even want to get back with someone who has made me feel this way"?

If you do get back together, your mentality will be to do everything you can to please her so that she doesn't leave you again. Chances are she'll take advantage of that (if she's that type of person) or will just get annoyed by it. She should like you for who you are and not an adjusted personality aimed at pleasing her.

What if she breaks up with you again? You'll have to go through the whole process. You'll probably get the closure you need but it would all have been one big waste of time and you'll still feel crap about it.
 
Really sucks OP :(

I wouldn't call her or message her, I know that is easy to say and the thoughts likely won't be easy to suppress but I would advise against it.

Give it time, a lot of time, let her contact you.
 
Cosmic182 said:
Guys I feel like calling her or messaging her. Is this a terrible idea? Is it a bad idea to try and rekindle like it was from the start? Sending her a spontaneous message or a call. I cannot get out of my head that if I do not try this I won't get the closure I need. I mean if she has already left have I got anything more left to lose from trying? I don't mean begging or looking for sympathy, I simply mean kind of txting or ringing her as a friend and trying from there.

I appreciate this advice.
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You have a lot left to lose, you still have your dignity. Do not lose that. Your mind is awash with the "what ifs"; what if I do this, what if I do that? The last thing you want to do is be that needy puppy. Maybe, just maybe, you can fix this, however, more often than not it'll just go wrong again further down the line, and by then you could well be in a lot deeper situation.

Delete every method of contact, do it. Maybe, further down the line, you can reintroduce contact, but only when you don't feel the need to re-kindle things.
 
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