I thought i would never make a thread like this

What if she doesn't contact me? I just can't get out of my head the thought "what if she left me for someone else" I asked if there was anyone else when she broke up with me and she swore and promised there wasn't, but it's the only explanation in my head that makes sense for her walking away so easily- even if that isn't the case, she's a student and knowing her past she'll only go out and bring some fella home (as per her housemates do as well) Completely lost my appetite. Past 2 nights I've had trouble getting to sleep and when I have got to sleep I've bloody dreamt about her, this has caused me waking up feeling lower than I felt before going to bed.
 
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Best way to even attempt to get her back is completely ignore her and get on with your life. Women usually want something they cant have. Be positive for yourself, go out do things, see friends, meet new people, try a new hobby and if i was you i would take logicfry on his amazing offer. If you come all wimpy begging her back acting desperate its not something that will attract her back to you, on the flip side if she hears youre doing great even better than before she might start regretting she left you and more importantly you will hold all the cards. Trust me man i tried what you did and all it did was make things worse. So infact moving on is probably the best way to go for you, if she doesnt care and still doesnt want to be with you at least youll be moving on, if she does care then you will have a choice if you want to get back with her or not. I know it's hard but completely forget about her man and focus on yourself.
 
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You really need to get rid of those negative thoughts, if that's what she wants to do to get over you or move on then it's going to happen whether you contact her or not. You've probably made it so obvious to her how jealous you are she'll do it anyway. Sorry, but that's the truth, women like getting their own way and it's a lot easier for them to do it sexually.
 
Cosmic182 said:
Guys I feel like calling her or messaging her. Is this a terrible idea? Is it a bad idea to try and rekindle like it was from the start? Sending her a spontaneous message or a call. I cannot get out of my head that if I do not try this I won't get the closure I need. I mean if she has already left have I got anything more left to lose from trying? I don't mean begging or looking for sympathy, I simply mean kind of txting or ringing her as a friend and trying from there.

I appreciate this advice.
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no no no no no no no no no

Nuttah said:
You have a lot left to lose, you still have your dignity. Do not lose that.
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Indeed. Whatever you have to say will come across all needy and emotional, because that's how you are feeling right now. This is something she will most likely see as contemptible.
You might well say 'oh no, I wouldn't be like that, it's just so we can be friends .... and take it from there...'

Newsflash my friend - Whatever you are hoping to get from this, forget it. 'Closure' is BS that they talk about in chickflicks etc. The reality is you just have to come to terms with how people behave towards you (and how you let them behave, to some extent).
There is no answer or 'why'. Things just are. All that matters now is how you deal with it. In 12 months time will you be able to look back on this and not cringe (even just a little bit) at your behaviour? Think about that before you go pick up the phone and crawl on your belly for someone who doesn't have any intention of having you back in their life.

She's walked out on you, so don't give her the further opportunity to walk over you again. Don't be her bitch.

Just my opinion. So take it as you will, but I'd wager that most people will agree with basics of what I've said above and have experience that will correspond to it.


Clearly you are feeling quite vulnerable right now, don't add to this by humiliating yourself into the bargain.
 
We can't control the choices of others, but we can control our own.

So make the choice to focus on yourself.

It sounds to me like anxiety and over thinking is grabbing you by the nuts, my advice would be to start thinking about yourself, you need to become more selfish. Like a few of the lads have mentioned get yourself to the gym or take up an old sport, it can be anything, it just needs to be an escape and something YOU enjoy doing.

Time is a healer, speed up that time by making your decision to cut her out of your life today.
 
You're into guitars and music, right?
Go learn some new stuff - not the things you can do easily, pick something hard. Musicians can easily learn new music when it uses a technique or style they've mastered already.
Find something new you like the sound of and get the tabs etc. Give you something else to focus on for a bit each day.
 
Read everything everyone has posted after your last post, they are all very right. It's her that has caused you all this pain and done so of her own free will. Now you are free don't make the mistake of trying to get back with her, stay free for a while and find a way of enjoying your life, be selfish and indulge yourself in things you would not have otherwise have done.
 
Cosmic182 said:
Guys I feel like calling her or messaging her. Is this a terrible idea? Is it a bad idea to try and rekindle like it was from the start? Sending her a spontaneous message or a call. I cannot get out of my head that if I do not try this I won't get the closure I need. I mean if she has already left have I got anything more left to lose from trying? I don't mean begging or looking for sympathy, I simply mean kind of txting or ringing her as a friend and trying from there.

I appreciate this advice.
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Haven't read the whole way through but first couple and last pages.

There has been some good advice, particularly cutting contact off for your own sake - believe me, it's incredibly hard when you’re still around that person and not together/seeing them move on.

If it was me I would definitely not make any contact. If she does, then remain civil but it would only be natural to remain guarded. Personally, I wouldn’t go back to her, even if she asked.

Say she was willing to try again, given the way it finished last time would you always want to have that in the back of your mind as to whether she’s going to call things off again? What if it was in another 7 years? If you could live with that then you’re a bigger man than me but I couldn’t do that to myself.

I didn’t read this on other pages but I presume there are no children involved? If that’s the case then you are exceptionally fortunate, if not then think about the child(ren) and staying together just for them is never a good reason from the examples I’ve seen. Either way, putting yourself first for a while is going to be very important.

We’re all entitled to a bit of self-pitty when the need arises but it isn’t an attractive quality so keep that in mind and focus on other things. Gym being a great one as well as social clubs/activities. Growing insular socially is not a good idea at all.

All the best mate, it isn’t a nice thing to go through but keep going and it will eventually get easier.
 
Cosmic182 said:
What if she doesn't contact me? I just can't get out of my head the thought "what if she left me for someone else" I asked if there was anyone else when she broke up with me and she swore and promised there wasn't, but it's the only explanation in my head that makes sense for her walking away so easily- even if that isn't the case, she's a student and knowing her past she'll only go out and bring some fella home (as per her housemates do as well) Completely lost my appetite. Past 2 nights I've had trouble getting to sleep and when I have got to sleep I've bloody dreamt about her, this has caused me waking up feeling lower than I felt before going to bed.
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I had the exact same feeling when I broke up with my ex, it really is hard to overcome by experience.

However, don't do what I did and contact her, as it makes everything hurt that little bit more. You probably hear it a lot, but time is a great healer. I don't think about her anymore, nor get upset.

You need to find things which take your mind off it, weather it be building a PC, going out etc.. The worst thing you can do is sit there over thinking a dwelling on what could have happened.

I did that, and it was the worst thing I could have done man.

Best of luck with everything.
 
^^
yup.

My ex (significant - not any of the casual women I've seen since) left me one afternoon with a note to say she 'needed some space'.
Three days later she was ringing me up crying and saying how awful she felt.
I was pretty broken up by it so was sympathetic to her, but she was very quick to say 'but I don't want to see you' in the same sentence as how awful she felt. :confused:

The whole business messed me about quite a lot at the time.
Meh, she was ****ing nuts anyways. Looking back on it I should have left her years before. But that's the way things are when you have strong feelings for someone.

You just have to reinvent yourself as an individual again. I think I've said it before in another thread like this - that first awareness of a breakup is like suddenly you've become half the person you were before. That takes some getting used to, to readjust your place in your own view of how you fit into the world. Nonetheless, the sooner you start the better it will be for you down the line, 'cause who knows what will happen tomorrow or the day after?

Life really is too short to waste it on people who are not worthy of your esteem.
 
Is there a light at the end of this tunnel sometime soon guys? All I can seem to focus on is the good times we had. I'm almost tempted to book an appointment at the Drs for a chat as I'm feeling incredibly low and I don't think it's natural to spend pretty much every minute of the day like this and thinking what if. I had a chat to my mum about it all which got her in tears as she's worried. I've never been an insecure person but just can't stop thinking all the negative scenarios. I can't bring myself to do something different because I can't think different, if that makes sense. It's been the worst time for my operation too, having time off. I honestly feel like sending her a right shirty message saying how it's making me feel, I'm just not going to give in to that and give her the satisfaction! :(
 
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Cosmic182 said:
Is there a light at the end of this tunnel sometime soon guys? All I can seem to focus on is the good times we had. I'm almost tempted to book an appointment at the Drs for a chat as I'm feeling incredibly low and I don't think it's natural to spend pretty much every minute of the day like this and thinking what if. I had a chat to my mum about it all which got her in tears as she's worried. I've never been an insecure person but just can't stop thinking all the negative scenarios. I can't bring myself to do something different because I can't think different, if that makes sense. It's been the worst time for my operation too, having time off.
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Everyone's different. I think the timing of this and your operation isn't helping, as you're not at work and your mind keeps drifting off.

Don't even think about the good times just now. At the moment, you need to be thinking about yourself and getting your head sorted. I know it's easy for me to say all this but it's the mentality you'll have to take if you want to get over this sooner rather than later.

What negative scenarios are you thinking about? If it's about her then you need to try and stop this. She isn't your gf anymore, she's broke up with you and it looks like she's moved on (giving you back those gifts etc). You need to do the same. What she does with her life shouldn't be a concern of yours now.

I've been through it before and it sucks really bad. I'm just glad it happened to me when I was younger and if I'm honest, I'm glad it happened to me in the first place. Won't be wasting my time anymore if any girl is trying to string me along or treating me like crap.
 
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Yeah nagative scenarios about her and myself tbh.its now that I am learning about my friends too, they're doing very little to help (hence me questioning myself wether to pop to the Drs) I don't have her on fb anymore or any of her housemates. I think I need to do the same with the likes of the other social medias? I'm finding it hard to cope with that she seems to have forgotten me so easily and is happy and just doesn't seem to care regardless of anything. I must have actually meant very little when I thought she thought a lot about me? As I say I do really feel like sending a message just to explain how I am feeling, not for sympathy or to guilt trip her but just to make it clear to her how her actions and how she strung me along has made me feel.
 
Cosmic182 said:
Yeah nagative scenarios about her and myself tbh.its now that I am learning about my friends too, they're doing very little to help (hence me questioning myself wether to pop to the Drs) I don't have her on fb anymore or any of her housemates. I think I need to do the same with the likes of the other social medias? I'm finding it hard to cope with that she seems to have forgotten me so easily and is happy and just doesn't seem to care regardless of anything. I must have actually meant very little when I thought she thought a lot about me? As I say I do really feel like sending a message just to explain how I am feeling, not for sympathy or to guilt trip her but just to make it clear to her how her actions and how she strung me along has made me feel.
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And that's why you should not try to get back with her.

Don't even send a message to explain how you're feeling. What will it achieve letting her know how you feel?
 
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I know you're right, as much as I'm hurting im so angry! So angry :( angry that I let myself love someone and bend over backwards for them only to be **** on. . (I think I need to get rid of her on Instagram too? As she's posting pics) The only plus I can see from sending her a message saying how I feel is that I would get that off my chest.
 
Get rid of her from instagram too. At the moment you don't need any reminders of her.

If it was me I wouldn't send her the message. You say it will get it off your chest, but will it really change anything? Will you still feel the same way afterwards?

Ultimately, it's up to you. We can only give you advice based off of our own experiences.
 
I think I would feel great for a while knowing I've got it off my chest then I think I would feel small knowing that I've let someone who didn't give a **** make me this pathetic.
 
You will just let her know how pathetic you are and give her reasons to justify to herself why she left you. If you want to get stuff off your chest, buy a boxing bag and gloves and let out your stress on it. It won't take care of the hurt or any thing else but it will enable you to let loose frustrations it does great things for me to relieve the stress of work ****.
 
Cutting all contact really does mean cutting all contact.

If you don't have the willpower not to look at her instagram bs, then do whatever it is to remove her feed from yours (is that how that stuff works?).


Under no circumstances contact her, no matter what you feel like saying.

As for your GP... what do you want? Medication?
I'll offer some advice that your GP will probably offer too - get out and see your friends/family. Go and get some exercise (down the gym, out for a walk, whatever, but something that will leave you physically tired at the end of the day, hoover the house and clean everything... you get the idea?). Start getting a routine back - get up on time, feed yourself regularly and properly and get on with your day. Go to bed at a sensible hour, even if you don't sleep right away - read a book; don't go browsing social media to see what people are up to in their great and happy lives - you'll only see what they want you to see.

You have to start building, don't wait around for things to change - you have to start doing that. Self pity is not going to help you do any of these things. Sure, it's painful right now, but if that's all you spend your time thinking about then that's all you'll ever see.
Self pity is one of life's red flags. An indicator telling you that things need to change. It's not down to anyone else to do that for you. Friends and family can offer support, but you have to make the effort yourself.
This will take you some time, it will be a long job, but marathons are not run in one giant step, but a great number of very small ones. But you have to start putting one foot in front of the other.

You can start by getting a hold of yourself and not giving in to weakness by sending snotty or grovelling messages to your ex (yes, that is what she is now). FunkyCowie said it right in his first sentence.
Don't let yourself be 'that guy' ...ok?
 
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