John Lasseter: Pixar founder on leave over 'unwanted hugs'

garak112

garak112

garak112

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Touching other people at work (even if non sexual) is a power move, the person doing it is essentially saying I have the right to touch you and you can't do anything about it. It sets the tone for any conversation that then follows because it puts you in a mindset where you are more likely to do what they say. I don't think it's any different to any other power moves people pull. That said I've never seen someone attempt a hug.

Generally where I work the senior male employees will do a handshake that's too long and then firmly grab the elbow or shoulder. There's one female director who will put her hand on your forearm and slowly move it towards your hand just before she asks for something. It's all just about putting the other person off balance.

I don't like others touching me at work, after all I've seen the state of the toilets, so it does work to an extent.
 

Angilion

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garak112 said:
Touching other people at work (even if non sexual) is a power move, the person doing it is essentially saying I have the right to touch you and you can't do anything about it. It sets the tone for any conversation that then follows because it puts you in a mindset where you are more likely to do what they say. I don't think it's any different to any other power moves people pull. That said I've never seen someone attempt a hug.

Generally where I work the senior male employees will do a handshake that's too long and then firmly grab the elbow or shoulder. There's one female director who will put her hand on your forearm and slowly move it towards your hand just before she asks for something. It's all just about putting the other person off balance.

I don't like others touching me at work, after all I've seen the state of the toilets, so it does work to an extent.
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I think you're assigning an intention that might or might not exist. It's simple to create a single intention and claim it's the only possible intention, but it's not accurate to do so. Some people intend touching as a friendly gesture, some people intend it as a supportive gesture and some do it out of habit with no intention of anything simply because it was/is the custom in the time/place/culture they are used to. I know this for a fact because I see it daily and I try not to assume motives without sufficient evidence. Coworkers who do it and who know me don't do it to me because they know I don't like it, but that's only because I've told them. They do it with each other, for the above reasons. Sometimes they might forget I'm different and treat me the same way they treat other people. If they notice, they apologise. I'm fine with that. Sometimes they don't notice. I'm fine with that too. My reaction is mine - why should I punish them for it? I certainly wouldn't make up a malign motive, assign it to them and then seek to do them harm because of an incorrect projection of my thoughts onto them.
 

RoboCod

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Angilion said:
I think you're assigning an intention that might or might not exist. It's simple to create a single intention and claim it's the only possible intention, but it's not accurate to do so. Some people intend touching as a friendly gesture, some people intend it as a supportive gesture and some do it out of habit with no intention of anything simply because it was/is the custom in the time/place/culture they are used to. I know this for a fact because I see it daily and I try not to assume motives without sufficient evidence. Coworkers who do it and who know me don't do it to me because they know I don't like it, but that's only because I've told them. They do it with each other, for the above reasons. Sometimes they might forget I'm different and treat me the same way they treat other people. If they notice, they apologise. I'm fine with that. Sometimes they don't notice. I'm fine with that too. My reaction is mine - why should I punish them for it? I certainly wouldn't make up a malign motive, assign it to them and then seek to do them harm because of an incorrect projection of my thoughts onto them.
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Nicely put.
 

Nasher

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garak112 said:
Touching other people at work (even if non sexual) is a power move, the person doing it is essentially saying I have the right to touch you and you can't do anything about it. It sets the tone for any conversation that then follows because it puts you in a mindset where you are more likely to do what they say. I don't think it's any different to any other power moves people pull. That said I've never seen someone attempt a hug.

Generally where I work the senior male employees will do a handshake that's too long and then firmly grab the elbow or shoulder. There's one female director who will put her hand on your forearm and slowly move it towards your hand just before she asks for something. It's all just about putting the other person off balance.

I don't like others touching me at work, after all I've seen the state of the toilets, so it does work to an extent.
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Not always. Some people just do it through habit (I mean leg, shoulder, back touches etc. Not naughty places).

But it is the sort of thing they teach in those dreary "management courses" for bad leaders. Well, probably not any more.
 
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davido_labido

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Mynight said:
I have noticed most people in Germany are rather huggy I always thought the stereotype was cold. Was a bit weird.

Fyi your website in your sig seems to be blocked by google safe browsing at the moment.
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Cheers, I was actually working on my website and it flagged one of the themes... unfortunately, it was the theme I was using so now It is all screwed up -.-
 

Vern1961

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mrk said:
There are people at work that put their hands on your shoulders as a genuine gesture, something funny or happy happens, or the chat is rather upbeat or something. I can't believe any normal person would consider that to be anything but mildly annoying at best?
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Funny anecdote following on from that... Years ago the place I worked in, one of the girls had a reputation for giving shoulder massages to some (not me :( ) of the male workers. Anyhow, one time, guy felt his shoulders being massaged, sank back in his chair for a few moments to appreciate the gesture, then turned round to find it wasn't the young lady... but the resident office gay guy! (Who looked like an overweight version of Mr Humphreys from Are You Being Served).

Cue huge eeerghhh moment from all present. Moral of story also being from that point on, if you felt a hand on your shoulder, immediately check it ain't the poove doing it!
 

BananaDunka

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Vern1961 said:
Funny anecdote following on from that... Years ago the place I worked in, one of the girls had a reputation for giving shoulder massages to some (not me :( ) of the male workers. Anyhow, one time, guy felt his shoulders being massaged, sank back in his chair for a few moments to appreciate the gesture, then turned round to find it wasn't the young lady... but the resident office gay guy! (Who looked like an overweight version of Mr Humphreys from Are You Being Served).

Cue huge eeerghhh moment from all present. Moral of story also being from that point on, if you felt a hand on your shoulder, immediately check it ain't the poove doing it!
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Sounds gayist to me :p

A shoulder massage is a shoulder massage no matter who is giving it!
 
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