Just left my girlfriend..feel terrible

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Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
4,145
Location
Southampton
Hey people,

After a very up and down 2 year relationship I've just walked out on my girlfriend.

I've left once before, about a year ago, but after a lot of discussion we got back together on the understanding that things had to change. A year down the line and nothing's really changed at all. She still tries to dominate everything we do, and I still feel like my opinion isn't valued at all. People tell me that women are just like that, but I've been in long-term relationships before and never had these problems.

I'm getting on a bit (27 in a week or so) and decided that its time that I stop getting depressed by being in a relationship I'm not happy with and start looking after number one.

She was at work today and I wasn't, so I packed a few days worth of clothes and have come back to my parents. I left her a letter on the sofa explaining my reasons for breaking up and this seemed acceptable at the time but I now feel really crap doing it this way. The letter wasn't nasty in any way, but its going to hit her hard when she reads it.

I suppose its my way of avoiding the whole messy breakup thing, but she's bound to drive straight over here when she reads the letter to demand a proper explanation anyway :(

I'm going to really miss her as we had some good times together. This has been a really tough decision...one that I'm not 100% sure about, but at the moment I feel like its the best thing for me. I'm not sure if I've done the right thing or not :confused:

Do others think I'm out of order leaving her a letter or what?

Andy
 
Out of order isn't the way I'd describe it, as you're obviously upset, and are just trying to avoid any heart-ache. But at the end of the day it wont cut the mustard. It's not fair for one, and it will get neither you or her any closure.

You need to speak to her.
 
I think you should have hung about and spoken to her in person - surely she deserved that after 2 year a relationship? :(

I understand that it will be very difficult but no doubt you'll still have to speak to her about it at some point anyway.
 
scratch said:
Do others think I'm out of order leaving her a letter or what?

Andy
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TBH after 2 years I think it is a bit harsh , you really should have told her face to face

having said that I obviously do not know how your relationship is

hopefully , whatever happens , it will work out best for both of you
 
I love the whole Closure thing! Probably best to do it face to face, just think how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot?
 
gutted mate. i know how you feel. had to do the same thing as you a couple of years ago and it's not fun. if she was that controlling and you hated it that much, there's no way it would work anyway. i know it feels difficult right now, but that's just because you're so used to having someone, and the person you're used to talking to when upset is the person you've just left.

i do agree that it was pretty harsh to leave a letter, although i can understand why you did it, she sounds like the sort of girl that'd be able to "persuade" you to stay, even though you dont want to. see her, be strong and remember why you're doing this in the first place. your own happiness is the most important thing here.

good luck :)
 
I forgot to say I walked out a couple of weeks ago after another stupid argument, so she knows I'm not happy at the moment. After a couple of days of her treating me nicely it was back to normal again. Its like she's only interested in making a proper effort when she knows she's going to lose me.

I understand that there needs to be some sort of closure, and thats bound to happen this evening. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her straight to her face.
 
scratch said:
She still tries to dominate everything we do, and I still feel like my opinion isn't valued at all. People tell me that women are just like that,
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Whoever told you this is talking complete crap.

Anyway you are going to have to talk to her if only to get the rest of your stuff back and sort out any financial entanglements.
 
Sorry to hear about the break up :( I would have tryed to sort it face to face. If the roles would have been reversed would you have been satisfied with just being left a letter? Im not sure I would :(
 
scratch said:
She still tries to dominate everything we do, and I still feel like my opinion isn't valued at all. People tell me that women are just like that,
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i missed that. just to reiterate what sleepy said...that's total rubbish. most girls are normal human beings and are definitely not like that!

edit: i say "most"...i've met one!! :p
 
Well, at least the letter will give her time to think. And give you time to get your thoughts together. Better than having all-out-war. That will come later!!
 
If you're certain you've made the right decision and your instinct is right then don't let her talk you round again. If you were willing to walk out 3 times then it really isn't going to work, don't let her convince you it will.

Chin up. :)
 
You should feel terrible. Pretty gutless way of doing things.

At least you've made the decision. Good luck.
 
scratch said:
Do others think I'm out of order leaving her a letter or what?

Andy
Click to expand...


Yes it was out of order, speak to her face to face especially after 2 yrs of being together. She deserves more than that, im sure if the tables were turned you wouldnt like to come home and find a letter from her..saying thats shes leaving u would u??.

Be a man and talk to her face to face mate:)
 
I think you did the right thing, it will come as a bit of a shock to her, but as long as you make arrangements to have a good long talk, it will give you both a good long time to think about whats going on, rather than saying the first thing that comes to your mind when you get in the argument.
 
Very definately out of order. You'll just upset her more that you need to. What's so wrong with sitting down and talking about it and explaining to her face that things aren't working?
 
sorry to hear that mate, but you should clear the air with her. I broke up with mine last week, and found it better to explain things instead of letting them lie there. good luck.
 
sorry to be flippant, but i misread the title and was wondering where you left her.

chin up mate, hope you feel better soon. sometimes bad things happen for good reasons.
 
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