Just left my girlfriend..feel terrible

Behemoth · 28 Feb 2006 at 19:18

Yeah chin up matey, I walked on Carrie in October because of a similar reason, but then she was violent and controlling.

You will have to talk to her I'm affraid, I know I had to deal with things after I walked out, but hey, you'll be all the better for it in the end, I know how you're feeling and in a few weeks or so you'll start to feel better.

Muban · 28 Feb 2006 at 19:34

If things weren't right and you are sure about how you feel then you were right to split up.

scratch said:
Do others think I'm out of order leaving her a letter or what?

Completely out of order, a low thing to do. Treat other people as you would like to be treated yourself. I don't think that is too hard a rule to live by.

A2Z · 28 Feb 2006 at 19:39

very low thing to do, taking the easy way out, pfff

zain · 28 Feb 2006 at 20:12

I can see you didnt put any thought into the decision, although these guys are coming down hard on you I think you get the message

You should have told her face to face, its the least you could do after 2 years. But whats done is done, I would still contact her in person to see she is ok tho

scratch · 28 Feb 2006 at 20:34

Thanks for the replies everybody. Re the letter I guess the fact that I had to ask the question meant I knew I'd done wrong. Its always much easier to see things clearly in hindsight though.

I just had a strong urge to get out of the house. I saw my chance and took it so to speak. She was at work at the time and the last thing I wanted was for her to come home to an empty house with no sign of where I'd gone, so the letter was the best way I could think of to let her know what the situation was. It was never meant as a substitute for the chat we need to have.

I've now phoned her and we're getting together on Friday evening to talk things through.

Andy

SexyBetty · 28 Feb 2006 at 20:38

Best of luck. Even if you decide to call it a day, at least you'll get the "closure"

loopylou · 28 Feb 2006 at 21:10

It's not the nicest way to tell someone, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the best way to tell her in your situation. I know I would be crushed if someone split up with me by a letter, but some times you have to be selfish and do what is best for you. I hope it all goes well for you.

Uhtred · 28 Feb 2006 at 22:03

i dumped my girlfriend of two years over the phone for similar reasons, pretty low, i was a long long way away though with no money

I'm sure it will work out for the best, it did for me.

Squark · 28 Feb 2006 at 22:23

scratch said:
Do others think I'm out of order leaving her a letter or what?

Andy

It totally depends on how it was worded

If it was explaining how you feel, maybe saying that you needed space then I dont think it was that bad

But definitely a discussion is in order for you both to have your feelings, opinions 'out'

TripleT · 28 Feb 2006 at 23:20

Bugger mate sorry to hear

Never easy, a letter isn't completely out of order, in fact it's a good way of getting your true feelings across without being interupted or holding back

You will have to see her face to face though and that's NEVER easy.

Best thing to do? Go get hammered with your mates

Nix · 28 Feb 2006 at 23:27

Let us know how it goes Scratch mate.

Old Wino · 1 Mar 2006 at 00:19

Sic · 1 Mar 2006 at 11:06

Zap said:
i dumped my girlfriend of two years over the phone for similar reasons, pretty low, i was a long long way away though with no money

I'm sure it will work out for the best, it did for me.

best way, over the phone imo. at the time it felt really crap, but i'd much rather it over the phone, than f2f. means i dont have to speak to her again.

Behemoth · 1 Mar 2006 at 11:15

I did it face to face and believe me it was hard. Very hard. I don't see what was wrong inwriting a letter to be honest. It was certainly better than him just walking out and not leaving any kind ot attempt at telling her he was walking out on her.

He did the right thing, any woman that controls a man, manipulates them etc just aren't worth staying with. Not all women are like that, there are some nice ones out there, it's just a matter of finding the right one.

Hedge · 1 Mar 2006 at 11:37

BrenOS said:
You should feel terrible. Pretty gutless way of doing things.

At least you've made the decision. Good luck.

thats a load of rubbish. putting time into writing a letter isnt a bad thing to do. some of you lot are obviously so good with words. things get complicated face to face, u get the crying and the shouting etc. its not necessary.

some people, like you i imagine have "guts" and can do this.. but for the original poster this seems his easiest way.

so many of you seem so naive. dumping by text.. yeah thats pathetic.. but having to leave when enough is enough and writing a letter explaining how you feel is not a "gutless" way of doing things. its just what seems right at the time

Nix · 1 Mar 2006 at 11:38

Why are you arguing?

He wrote the letter which was the best option at the time and now he's going to talk to here face to face. Either way, they both know or should know where they stand.

D4VE · 1 Mar 2006 at 12:16

a letter after a 2 year relationship - that's lame man!

Tell her face to face, might not be easy, but it must be done.

!bluetonic! · 1 Mar 2006 at 12:34

You're nearly 27, now be a man!

What do you want from a relationship?
Why didn't you get it? How can you get it?
Why do you let her dominate?
If you don't change, you'll attract similar again.
I think there are more issues with yourself here.

Maybe now's the time to be single for a while and do the things YOU want to do. Get down the gym, build up your self-confidence. Don't end up in a trap again. Play the field, learn an instrument, write a book. Smile at a stranger.

When you meet up for the chat:
1) No raised voices
2) Hear eachother out without interrupting
3) Make a strong well structured arguement with examples
4) Be strong. You only get one chance at life. If you're not happy, say so and then go forward and seek happyness.
5) Be thankful for the happy times, learn from the bad.
6) To avoid getting upset/angry, you should both have a can of squirty cream to vent off your anger... mmmmmm squirty cream.

Kell_ee001 · 1 Mar 2006 at 12:36

!bluetonic! said:
When you meet up for the chat:
1) No raised voices
2) Hear eachother out without interrupting
3) Make a strong well structured arguement with examples
4) Be strong. You only get one chance at life. If you're not happy, say so and then go forward and seek happyness.
5) Be thankful for the happy times, learn from the bad.
6) To avoid getting upset/angry, you should both have a can of squirty cream to vent off your anger... mmmmmm squirty cream.

That's not bad advice... although I'm not sure about the squirty cream part!

Desmo · 1 Mar 2006 at 12:58

Old Wino said:
What's with all the 'you should have told her face to face' rubbish, the guy was upset at the time, found the courage to make a run for it and acted plus this is the real world we're talking about here, not some perfectly scripted Dr Phil/Oprah daytime TV behaviour test (Jeees, lotta wimps on this board), give the guy a break and by all accounts she DID deserve it.

Yep, this is the real world, and you've got peoples real world opinions. They don't match yours, so what?

I have ot agree that leaving a note probably wasn't the nicest thing to do. But well done for having the guts to make the break. There really is no point in staying in a relationship when you're not happy and you can see no way of changing it.