Leaving boring conversations

Lysander said:
Fascinating stuff. Very interesting perspective. How often does this happen?
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Every single non-focused conversation. Focused conversation being objective-based, ie at work; functional conversations where there is no purpose to keeping the conversation going longer than strictly necessary are fine.

In a social setting with a non-focused conversation it happens every time. Because you feel like you failed if you don't keep the conversation alive. If you keep babbling the conversation isn't really alive but it isn't dead either :p You know you're doing it wrong but you don't know how to do it right, either!
 
FoxEye said:
Because you feel like you failed if you don't keep the conversation alive. If you keep babbling the conversation isn't really alive but it isn't dead either :p You know you're doing it wrong but you don't know how to do it right, either!
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So it's not actually alive, it's undead. You're basically a conversational necromancer.

In all seriousness I found that a very interesting post. Thanks for that. I hadn't considered that some people just talk incessantly because of their own social awkwardness and nerves rather than coming from a position of egoism.
 
FoxEye said:
This is me, but not for the reasons you think.

I actually hate having to talk. I hate it because I'm just bad at having conversations. Knowing that I'm crap at conversations, I babble. I make the mistake of just saying as much nonsense as I can just to keep (the illusion of) the conversation going.

Actually, it's not a conversation. I lost the other person's interest almost immediately. They are now you, trying to get away. They are not stimulated or interested. Also, I know this. I know I'm floundering in an ocean of pee. I know I'm drowning in it. I just can't stop myself from babbling away, but always I'm 100% aware and fully conscious that I'm dying on my arse and this is possibly the worst conversation in the history of human communication.

I'm relieved when the other person says, "Nice to catch up. Speak to you soon!" It's a lie, of course. It was anything but nice. They weren't engaged and they had to politely listen to the worst horse poo they've heard in ages.

I'm truly, deeply sorry that I put them through it. It stressed me out as much as it bored them. I hated it too.
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you sound like my mum... lol she gets so nervous in public these days she just babbles and talks to strangers.. endlessly commenting on anything she sees just so there is no "uncomfortable" silences. I tried to explain uncomfortable silence is usually preferred to uncomfortable conversations about complete nonsense.
 
Most conversations are boring, I get told off a lot as I don't even attempt to make an effort so I'm just answering yes or no and I must roll my eyes a lot haha.
 
People who talk excessively are surely devoid of the normal social cues that most people go by. It just staggers me that some people can dominate a conversation to the extent they are doing 90% to 95% of the talking and keep going like that. I don't consider that a conversation at that point as there really isn't much conversing taking place. I'm not sure why that doesn't occur to them either?

However I'm with the OP and struggle to leave encounters such as this, you really have to interject as soon as possible with an excuse to leave I think is the best approach.
 
FoxEye said:
Every single non-focused conversation. Focused conversation being objective-based, ie at work; functional conversations where there is no purpose to keeping the conversation going longer than strictly necessary are fine.

In a social setting with a non-focused conversation it happens every time. Because you feel like you failed if you don't keep the conversation alive. If you keep babbling the conversation isn't really alive but it isn't dead either :p You know you're doing it wrong but you don't know how to do it right, either!
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It sounds like you struggle with small talk. A lot of people are like that. If there is a goal or a purpose then its easier because you know that the other person is interested in the objective too.

When it came to small talk I used to have a stutter and feel real stress about just speaking. Always feeling like I was going to be judged for what I said. I'd even run through my head what I was going to say and then as I was saying it I was listening to myself speaking.

These days I don't really do small talk unless I'm going to say something funny... and if the person doesn't laugh I'll joke "tough crowd today".

The most awkward conversational situation I've had is when this guy, who I was only really knew as an acquaintance kept phoning me up. I can't remember what the conversations were about. But he'd phone me and be going on for like 30 minutes. There was no chair near the phone so I was just standing there. Then one day he called up and I was about to go out the door. So I thought I'd hear what he had to say then cut the conversation short. After the initial hello's he didn't say much. So I said "why did you phone me if you didn't have anything to say?", he replied "I was wondering what you wanted to talk about". I said, "well you called me. If I had anything to say I'd have called you". Needless to say that conversation was short and we never spoke again.
 
I had this experience meeting my girlfriend's friend and creepy husband for the first time recently. We went to theirs for dinner (which was fine) but then 'retired' to the living room where they proceeded to talk about their life for two hours and we didn't get home until after midnight. Painful experience on a Friday night after a busy week at work.

I find this kind of thing happens more when people have children, where every aspect and talking point centres around the family. Friends are no longer equals but rather a fuel for their narcissism.
 
BowdonUK said:
After the initial hello's he didn't say much. So I said "why did you phone me if you didn't have anything to say?", he replied "I was wondering what you wanted to talk about". I said, "well you called me. If I had anything to say I'd have called you". Needless to say that conversation was short and we never spoke again.
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To be honest this sounds like two socially awkward people. He was obviously phoning to reach out and connect, and you failed to acknowledge this and pretty much insulted him based on your previous experience of him talking excessively. I'm not surprised you never spoke again. :p
 
BowdonUK said:
The most awkward conversational situation I've had is when this guy, who I was only really knew as an acquaintance kept phoning me up. I can't remember what the conversations were about. But he'd phone me and be going on for like 30 minutes. There was no chair near the phone so I was just standing there. Then one day he called up and I was about to go out the door. So I thought I'd hear what he had to say then cut the conversation short. After the initial hello's he didn't say much. So I said "why did you phone me if you didn't have anything to say?", he replied "I was wondering what you wanted to talk about". I said, "well you called me. If I had anything to say I'd have called you". Needless to say that conversation was short and we never spoke again.
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lmao
 

We have a couple of energy vampires at work and want to see what happens if we can get them talking to each other.
 
There's definitely some kind of correlation between intelligence and verbal diarrhea (or lack thereof). Even just overhearing people I don't know in a supermarket or something and I feel like you can get a vague gist of their IQ by how much or little they're babbling crap to whoever they're with.
 
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