LOL JOKE
- Thread starter FrostedNipple
- Start date
Maybe we'll let you off the lions on this occasion then!
As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors. On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor.
His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull.
He was upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there they had no liability and so he couldn't sue.
As you can imagine he was very annoyed with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever.
All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.
Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face.
Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.
With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He walked back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.
"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"
"Easy", said Joe, "I'm an ex-tractor fan"
His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends. The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull.
He was upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there they had no liability and so he couldn't sue.
As you can imagine he was very annoyed with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever.
All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.
Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face.
Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.
With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again. He walked back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.
"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"
"Easy", said Joe, "I'm an ex-tractor fan"
I see you've played jokey-spoony before!
Soldato
Erm no, that would be thoubs up...
Actually you have fallen pray to the common misconception most people have about the roman gladitorial events! Thumbs up was actually send him to the gods or kill him
Caporegime
Since when did the UK have 1.2 million in her armed forces?
Soldato
Soldato
Not a joke, but pretty good anyway 
Man of Honour
Soldato
[Auzzie Accent] You call THAT a joke?
Now THIS is a joke! [/Auzzie Accent]
A good save, imo
Associate
Lol
Soldato
Sauce?
And lol at the extractor fan one... Could have been told a little more concisely though.
Soldato
Man of Honour
A man goes to post a letter in the post box. As he reaches out to put the letter in the box he slips and bangs his face badly. So badly in fact that he breaks his nose. His bruises take some days to heal up and his nose takes several weeks.
The man has difficulty sleeping and feels very tired and run down all the time. He goes to see the Doctor who gives him some tablets and tells him to come back when his nose is better. The mans nose heals a couple of weeks later and he goes to see the Doctor again.
The man says to the doctor, "I still feel run down and I'm always tired. I'm still sleeping badly as well Doctor." The Doctor replies, "I think I know what is wrong with you, It's Post Nasal Depression."
The man has difficulty sleeping and feels very tired and run down all the time. He goes to see the Doctor who gives him some tablets and tells him to come back when his nose is better. The mans nose heals a couple of weeks later and he goes to see the Doctor again.
The man says to the doctor, "I still feel run down and I'm always tired. I'm still sleeping badly as well Doctor." The Doctor replies, "I think I know what is wrong with you, It's Post Nasal Depression."
Thats what i thought. The viewers wanted to see the guy slaughtered by lions so a thumb up was a good sign for the audience.
