Longterm friend in dire need of help, what to do?

An old friend of mine died with his house in a shocking state of disrepair and squalor, some would say it was a health hazard to him, and far from normal. He robustly defied anyone to interfere and when his estate was at probate it emerged he had over 2 million on deposit in his bank and loads of cash secreted around the place. It was HIS CHOICE to live as he did, and it was never apparent he was anything more than eccentric, no one could fairly say he had mental health issues or needed sectioning. Hell, he'd made a load of money and had done anything other than squander it!

I can fully sympathise and support anyone who chooses to live in a manner most of us would find unhealthy so long as the health hazards did not confer on others.

I actually like eccentrics and their often unusual lifestyles, without then who would one judge normality against?

I say imagine coming home and find some interfering whatsit had chucked out half of your possesions and re-arranged your home because they thought they knew better than you did in regard to how you should live your life and arrange your house.
 
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if the house is causing health/pest/vermin issues for others, it's time to call the council and have them sort it out and take mental health action if needed. if it's all in his house, then that's up to him. you could probably call the council or welfare or whatever but if they tear his life up and cart him off to a home that'll be on you, so decide what you want to live w/.
 
Thanks for the thoughts chaps.

I broadly agree with the majority here, let him live in peace (and mess) if that is the way he wishes to be.

His house is his own so he is obviously free to do with it what he wants and as far as I know the mice don't stray elsewhere.

When he had his fall a couple of years ago he was lying on the floor for 10 to 12 hours or so and it is purely coincidence that he was discovered, a friend was collecting him to go shopping. He couldn't get up due to being surrounded by piles of leaflets, magazines and general rubbish. Luckily we have a key and the friend phoned us to investigate.

I do appreciate by interfering a couple of years ago we did the wrong thing which is why I posed the questions here.
 
WoZZeR said:
Thanks for the thoughts chaps.

I broadly agree with the majority here, let him live in peace (and mess) if that is the way he wishes to be.

His house is his own so he is obviously free to do with it what he wants and as far as I know the mice don't stray elsewhere.

When he had his fall a couple of years ago he was lying on the floor for 10 to 12 hours or so and it is purely coincidence that he was discovered, a friend was collecting him to go shopping. He couldn't get up due to being surrounded by piles of leaflets, magazines and general rubbish. Luckily we have a key and the friend phoned us to investigate.

I do appreciate by interfering a couple of years ago we did the wrong thing which is why I posed the questions here.
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I understand your fustration but as they say "you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink."
Your best bet is to talk to him and try to get him to change through dialogue, but at 76 and from what you've described he has lived like this for a few decades, he is unlikely to listen to you or to change.

Lets say he lets you clean the house, after a couple of years it will be back to square to one.
If you try to force the issue through public services, there is a high chance of irreversibly damaging your relationship with this person.
 
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WoZZeR said:
Owns outright

Always untidy, the grime has got worse since he retired at 55
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We have a neighbour a few doors down from us. His house and garden are an absolutely cluttered mess. But he doesn't seem smelly and he is quite a friendly sort. We often meet him with his dog and ours with mine and they get along as well.
 
Seen some videos on YouTube of hoarders and it's nuts, but mostly it seems that the people who fall into it don't want the problem fixed.

I don't get it really as the houses I've seen you can't move about, often you can't see the walls, and you can't use the utilities properly. Rodents and infestations of various kinds would be likely as well.

If it was me I would leave it alone, especially if not a family member or anything, cleaning the house won't solve it.
 
HungryHippos said:
Seen some videos on YouTube of hoarders and it's nuts, but mostly it seems that the people who fall into it don't want the problem fixed.

I don't get it really as the houses I've seen you can't move about, often you can't see the walls, and you can't use the utilities properly. Rodents and infestations of various kinds would be likely as well.

If it was me I would leave it alone, especially if not a family member or anything, cleaning the house won't solve it.
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Have a friend who is a copper and one of his very first jobs upon joining was at a house where a hoarder had been found dead, apparently a huge pile of their crap had fallen and trapped them underneath. Sad thing is, people had actually gone around to see if they were OK and hadn't noticed them as the entire house was basically piles of rubbish from floor to ceiling. It was only when someone went around, noticed the flies and the smell and phoned the police that they were found. Wasn't pretty either, decomposing and various critters had had taken turns at nibbling.
 
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Some absolutely bonkers replies.

If his hoarding and self-neglect is at such a level then he needs support as it's such a complex issue. Hoarding is a massive fire safety risk.

The problem you have is getting him to accept the support but if you can the best thing would be to arrange a home safety visit / safe and well visit with your local fire service.

Every local authority has a multi-agency hoarding framework so the fire service would be able to make a referral to the LAs adult safeguarding team as well as other independent partners they work with to provide support.
 
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