Looking for advice...

Begbie · 22 Dec 2025 at 09:52

Need to stop being a fanny. Those are text lengths id receive from a woman, who id message back 'ok'. Your being far too agreeable.

BUDFORCE · 22 Dec 2025 at 09:56

Begbie said:
Need to stop being a fanny. Those are text lengths id receive from a woman, who id message back 'ok'. Your being far too agreeable.

Haha I literally couldn't have said it better.

dirtychinchilla · 22 Dec 2025 at 10:11

I fully agree with most people here about telling him to **** off and moving on, but I would also find that very difficult were this a friend of mine.

ivrytwr3 · 22 Dec 2025 at 10:11

Shep_Cobain said:
His reply:

If this ruins relationships with my partner and child, that’s on you.

So now he is trying to guilt you? Is it him or the wife pushing for the cash?

Also, how far will he take this? Will he launch a claim with you being the non-paying customer? He already has texts from you saying you won't pay for x and y reasons.

I don't know what i would do tbh. Pay and tell him you want nothing to do with him anymore (for the easy life) or tell him to jog on (then not knowing if he will follow up with anything).

Or pay and grass him up to the tax man is another option

I wouldn't want this charmer or his family as part of my group anyway, either way they'd be dead to me.

Begbie · 22 Dec 2025 at 10:55

ivrytwr3 said:
So now he is trying to guilt you? Is it him or the wife pushing for the cash?

Also, how far will he take this? Will he launch a claim with you being the non-paying customer? He already has texts from you saying you won't pay for x and y reasons.

I don't know what i would do tbh. Pay and tell him you want nothing to do with him anymore (for the easy life) or tell him to jog on (then not knowing if he will follow up with anything).

Or pay and grass him up to the tax man is another option

I wouldn't want this charmer or his family as part of my group anyway, either way they'd be dead to me.

He can't launch a claim without owning a business and an agreement before the work. He could claim verbal agreement, but good luck with that in court. Plus the costs of getting to court.

hornetstinger · 22 Dec 2025 at 10:57

If his wife works for the government then I'd report her to the local council they don't take fondly about that

tom_e · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:15

hornetstinger said:
If his wife works for the government then I'd report her to the local council they don't take fondly about that

What for?

Haggisman · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:17

After reading the messages he's sent you, please, please, please listen the posts about narcissistic/BPD - he's displaying textbook behaviour and you absolutely need this person out of your life (imo the easiest way to do that is to pay - drawing a line under it and giving them no further reason to contact you, it might feel like "losing", but your mental health is worth significantly more than £120!) Pay or not is up to you, but either way, block them and don't look back.

dirtychinchilla said:
I fully agree with most people here about telling him to **** off and moving on, but I would also find that very difficult were this a friend of mine.

The moment they started this behaviour I would no longer see them as a friend

hornetstinger · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:19

tom_e said:
What for?

Knowingly trying to defraud, and income tax fraud of a partner.

tom_e · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:20

hornetstinger said:
Knowingly trying to defraud, and income tax fraud of a partner.

The wife isn't trying to defraud anyone? How do you know he's planning on dodging income tax if he does get his £120?

There's no fraud going on here currently, it's a payment dispute.

hornetstinger · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:21

tom_e said:
The wife isn't trying to defraud anyone? How do you know he's planning on dodging income tax if he does get his £120?

There's no fraud going on here currently, it's a payment dispute.

Cash in hand, not through business income tax, NI insurance etc etc etc

Where's invoice for the work, with business information, VAT etc?

tom_e · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:23

hornetstinger said:
Cash in hand, not through business income tax, NI insurance etc etc etc

You can take cash in hand and still declare the income :confused:

hornetstinger · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:24

tom_e said:
You can take cash in hand and still declare the income

OK where's the invoice then? lol

413x · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:27

It's not going to go to court lol.

Either the OP pays or doesn't.

The relationship is destroyed (best thing).

So really it's just a question of morality (?) if the OP pays or not.

I'd agree with others you are being manipulated. It's easy enough for people to do. And for those susceptible to it, it's quite effective.

If this was straight after the event I'd probably have paid and cut ties.
At this point I'd probably not pay and cut ties.

Definitely cut ties. This person is not benefiting your life and worse, is very much a negative factor.

But

hornetstinger · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:30

413x said:
It's not going to go to court lol.

Either the OP pays or doesn't.

The relationship is destroyed (best thing).

So really it's just a question of morality (?) if the OP pays or not.

He's trying to get him to be "sorry sorry sorry" sort of thing of Basil Fawlty, if that's the right scene I'm thinking of.

bloodiedathame · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:32

I, historically, have paid significantly more to be rid of a problem...

And on that note, what does your wife think you should do? I did not tell my wife and that then started some big problems in my marriage...

Haggisman · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:33

413x said:
It's not going to go to court lol.

Either the OP pays or doesn't.

The relationship is destroyed (best thing).

So really it's just a question of morality (?) if the OP pays or not.

I would say it's not just morally, but looking at it purely logically, paying the money is the easiest way to get a "clean break" as it means the "friend" has no further reason to pursue the OP.

Obviously from an emotional standpoint this feels like blackmail/losing.

What I will say, is that if I could cleanly get a BPD person out of my life for the paltry sum of £120, I wouldn't hesitate for a second

413x · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:34

hornetstinger said:
He's trying to get him to be "sorry sorry sorry" sort of thing of Basil Fawlty, if that's the right scene I'm thinking of.

Manipulation.

The OP seems to have been caught out twice by it.
The extorter probably has reslised that this extortion worked once. And now can work again.

After the first time. I'd have killed this friendship off. But not everyone is as cutthroat as that.

I hope the OP does cut ties regardless of the cash. But often in these things the victim doesn't. It's not same as a having an abusive partner in impact. But the concept is same.

413x · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:38

Haggisman said:
I would say it's not just morally, but looking at it purely logically, paying the money is the easiest way to get a "clean break" as it means the "friend" has no further reason to pursue the OP.

Obviously from an emotional standpoint this feels like blackmail/losing.

What I will say, is that if I could cleanly get a BPD person out of my life for the paltry sum of £120, I wouldn't hesitate for a second

Same.
Especially if they know where you live.
Who knows if you're going to find your tyres slashed. Living with that is not worth 120.

I also struggle hard with BPD types. It puts me in a state of "who is it going to be today" and it's just not worth it. This is not a friend. It's a burden.

Quite frankly, there's enough **** in life you have to deal with. Friends who are a negative in your life? Bin em off.

Illusion · 22 Dec 2025 at 11:44

Several people have mentioned narcissistic traits and it’s something I picked up on too, get this person out of your life as you will be nothing to them once they’ve extracted whatever value they can

It’s actually reminding me of an old friend who stole, lied, cheated and badmouthed everyone and was deeply offended when somebody even dared say a mildly negative comment in his direction :cry:

Do whatever you need to to be rid of them