Make bad chatup lines even worse

[GTA]

I'll start, bonus points for anyone trying them and reporting back. Originals can be found on the following sites :

http://linesthataregood.com/
http://humouruniverse.users.btopenworld.com/chatuplines.htm
http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/pick_up_lines.htm

or just google for "chat up lines"

Original - "Was your father a thief? because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes."
Ruined - "Was your father a thief? because you look like the daughter of this guy I saw on crimewatch."

Original - "Excuse me, I dropped something... MY JAW!"
Ruined - "Excuse me, I dropped something... MY PANTS!" ( at this point, drop your pants )

Original - "Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you fell out of heaven!"
Ruined - "Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you were in that housefire!"

Original - "Are those moon pants? because your ass is out of this world!"
Ruined - "Are those moon pants? because your ass is the size of the bloody moon!"

Now you try

 

[Roberta]

Haha!

My mate Gaz is master of these. Here's a few of his latest:

'"Alright darling, here's 10p, ring your mum and tell her to pick you up"

"Get your coat love, it's quite nippy out tonight by jove"

"I've been watching you all night and I reckon you look desperate enough"

He has me in stitches!

 

[Otacon]

I like it.

Original: "Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."
Ruined: "Do you have a map? Good 'cus I cant seem to find a way around your ass."

Original: "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."
Ruined: "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together."

Original: "I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?"
Ruined: "I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your sisters?"

 

[Will Gill]

original
"if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together"
mine
"if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put F and O together"

original
"The word of the day is legs, fancy going back to mine and spreading the word?"
mine
"The word of the day is gonorrhea, fancy going back to mine and spreading the word?"

hmm mine are clearly not as funny as I first thought, ah well

 

[GTA]

"Got any Irish in you? No? Want some?"
"Got any Irish in you? No? here, have a potato."

 

[Roberta]

Your ears are like flowers...cauliflowers. Your teeth are like stars...they come out at night....

 

[Otacon]

"What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?"
What's the name of your perfume? "Snatch of the Day?"

 

[GTA]

Original - "Baby, you're like a lightswitch, you can really turn me on."
Ruined - "Baby, you're like a lightswitch, white and boring."

 

[Otacon]

http://linesthataregood.com/

^ Big collection of chat up lines for people that claim to know none. No excuse's to not have a stab!

The cheese in particular are very suited.

 

[TheTiger]

Ooriginal: "I know they say milk does a body good but damn, how much have u been drinking?"
Ruined: "I know they say milk does a body good but damn, you sure could use some"

 

[GTA]

Original - "Do you know what'd look good on you? me."
Ruined - "Do you know what'd look good on you? vertical stripes/a paper bag/a truck"

 

[Rich_L]

Original - Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Ruined - Are you lost ma'am? Only I can recommend an Alzheimers specialist..

 

[Jono]

Original - "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"
Ruined - "Hey, buy me a drink, you fat hound!"

Your ears are like flowers...cauliflowers. Your teeth are like stars...they come out at night....

Your lips are like petals...bicycle petals...

From Otacon's suggestion:
Original - "Bond. James Bond."
Ruined - "Hague. William Hague"

Original - "I have only three months to live."
Ruined - "I have only three months to live. I have AIDS. Fancy some casual, unprotected sex?"

Original - "Stand still so I can pick you up!"
Ruined - "Stand still! You're making the ground shake you fat mess...oh FFS you spilled my pint!"

 

[Delboy]

Original - "'ere, you don't sweat much for a fat lass do you?"
Ruined - "'ere, you don't sweat much for a fat lass do you?"

Not much difference then really.

 

[Nozzer]

If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If I followed you home, would you phone the police?

 

[Rich_L]

Original - Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Chirstmas.
Ruined - Can I take your picture? (Why?) So I can take it home and masturbate furiously over it.

 

[GTA]

Original - "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"
Ruined - "Hey, buy me a drink, you fat hound!"

Original - "I have only three months to live."
Ruined - "I have only three months to live. I have AIDS. Fancy some casual, unprotected sex?"

Original - "Stand still so I can pick you up!"
Ruined - "Stand still! You're making the ground shake you fat mess...oh FFS you spilled my pint!"

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

[Syph]

Original - Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Chirstmas.
Ruined - Can I take your picture? (Why?) So I can take it home and masturbate furiously over it.

^

 

[Rich_L]

Original - I put a drop of tear in the ocean last night for you. And I won't stop loving you until you find that tear drop.

Ruined - I put a drop of tear in the ocean last night for you. And I won't stop loving you until you find that tear drop. Unfortunately I found it this morning, so here it is. What are the chances eh?

 

[Jono]

Ah what the hell...
Original - "Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns."
Ruined - "Your daddy must have been a baker, but no prizes for guessing who ate all the pies."

Original - "Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here."
Ruined - "Hey...somebody farted. Oh, my bad.. You have halitosis"