Money lending to family

Aruffell

Aruffell

Aruffell

Soldato
Joined
29 Dec 2004
Posts
5,653
Location
Chatham, Kent
Firstly a tip -

DON'T DO IT.

Back in December i was approached by my brother and his wife wanting money to be lent to them.

I was reluctant but was sor of pushed into it by my dad who said "you'll get it back etc... help them out"

I said "how's £100"

They asked for £250

I went on for about 10 minutes saying that i'd prefer to do £100 and they still were cheeky and kept asking for £250.

I stuck at £100 and they borrowed another £100 from my parents.

They also got a loan out 4 years ago which they are going through every credit card to pay off.

Their credit rating is crap so all of the loan and credit cards are all in my dad's name who now can't get any other kind of credit as it is crippling their credit rating.

It's now March and they still owe me £100 and my parents.

They are paying the minimum payment on the credit card (which isn't really getting them anywhere).

Today they asked my parents for more money to buy another car (LMFAO). They asked in a lovely polite manner.

My parents said no straight away.

They got nasty and said they are going to change their phone number (they live in N.Ireland and we live in England)

They said that we won't be able to contact them or their children (my nieces)

This is either the heat of the moment or not, if it is not, then they will stop paying the credit card payments and it will all be dropped onto my parents who don't work (dad is disabled and mum is carer).

They can't afford to pay it etc....

I felt that they were treating my parents badly so i stepped in and had a go, and got a go back.

At the end of it all i was told to screw myself but not in them words.

They also then phoned up and said to my parents that they never cared and that they are a tight bunch of swedish bankers.

Now, they can call me anything they want, but i get annoyed when it becomes personal insults to my mum who would give anything up for them (she has).

Now i'm annoyed and just frankly needed to vent and i'm contemplating contacting a solicitor to get my £100 back.

There were around 8 people who witnessed me lend the money and i believe it counts as an orally binding contract.

Maybe, yes i am going overboard but there is no need to turn to insults like that to my mum.

Someone tell me what to do.

Please don't take the mick, as i've just spent the good part of 10 minutes writing this post and i feel i can share my problems with you guys on here with confidence.

Thanks,

Andy
 
You could always send them a small claims court letter to try and receive the money. I know what it's like to have ungrateful brothers that are all nicey nicey when they are looking something.
 
that pretty harsh mate, the problem is, is that your brother has got himself in such a deep hole, he cant dig himself out of it, and has had to resort to personal attacks, as he realises what a mess he is in, but doesnt want to admit it.

In the way of advice, I would give him some cooling off time, and wait to see if he apologises to both you and your parents. Its important that your parents cut him off from them financially, as he has already landed them in the proverbial with all his credit cards in your dads name.

Maybe, once they have calmed down, some advice could be given to them either by you or your parents about their financial situation, but by the sound of it, they are not ones to want to listen to things they do not want to hear.
 
me227 said:
You could always send them a small claims court letter to try and receive the money. I know what it's like to have ungrateful brothers that are all nicey nicey when they are looking something.
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Indeed they are all nice when they want something, but when you say no, they slate you down and swear at you, then come back in a week for something else.

Does my head in :(

Never lending money again.
 
I would not bother legal action and small claims for £100.

Let this be a lesson learnt.
 
Ow that sucks mate! Seriously, look at getting proper legal advice on this one because they don't have the money to pay you or anyone else, from what you've said. And they're in a position to dump the whole lot on your folks and just walk away any time they choose.

Really dude, don't let this go any further.
 
panthro said:
that pretty harsh mate, the problem is, is that your brother has got himself in such a deep hole, he cant dig himself out of it, and has had to resort to personal attacks, as he realises what a mess he is in, but doesnt want to admit it.

In the way of advice, I would give him some cooling off time, and wait to see if he apologises to both you and your parents. Its important that your parents cut him off from them financially, as he has already landed them in the proverbial with all his credit cards in your dads name.

Maybe, once they have calmed down, some advice could be given to them either by you or your parents about their financial situation, but by the sound of it, they are not ones to want to listen to things they do not want to hear.
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Thanks,

I think you have hit it spot on.

The problem is, they are in debt but keep buying things, and it's really annoying me that they can owe money left, right and centre but still buy things.

Are they really that dumb :(

My brother's wife keeps going on about how wealthy her dad is, but for some reason always comes to my dad or me.

Can't be that wealthy can he now.

I hate liars :( lol
 
It wont be long before they are living in a cardboard box.

The fact your parents gave someone else there credit cards (quite literally) is beyond stupid and if the worst come to the worst the balifs will take away the stuff bought with the CC :D
 
Personally I'd disown them outright, using access to children as a leverage to get cash from your parents is disgusting. Insulting your parents because they wont take out extra credit for you or just hand you cash is beyond pathetic.

Explain the situation to the rest of your family, ANYONE that'll listen even your sister in laws parents, the more people on your parents side the better, perhaps it'll sink into the pair of them just house selfish they are.

Family should never take on debt for each other, always a bad idea.
 
Hmm, let them tell there children that they cant go to see Grandad and Grandma + Uncle. Let the kids not get any presents at birthdays and Christmas.
 
that sucks big time, familys are great when your a kid but when you grow up everything seems to be about money, personally id go round and tell the eejit to give the cash back and to stay away from your parents, i know whats it like to have parents who would do anythingfor their kids (dads disabled, mums the carer, like your parents). I lend cash to my brother sometimes, but before i do i always sit down an make sure he agrees to pay it back by a certain date, i do the same when i borrow cash from my sis, but there is trust between us, we know that one of us wont stiff the other and not pay em back, but we are all still living at home so we see each other every day etc.

Sit down with the guy and tell him to sort his finances out, your parents cant be expected to pay for anything for your brother, hes old enough to look after himself, his financial problems were created by him, and they should be solved as such
 
What a sad story! Clearly he and his wife, like so many others, feel the need to amass material posessions that they don't need and can't afford. It's something, as somewhat of a tightwad, I honestly can't fathom.

I agree with whoever it was that said they're probably blaming it all on you and your folks rather than admitting just how stupid they've really been. To be honest, I'd let them get on with it. If he's any kind of a brother, he'll come crawling back eventually. I do feel sorry for your parents though, having so much debt in his name.
 
NEVER LEND MONEY TO FAMILY OR FRIENDS.

It only ever leads to unwanted problems. Banks are there for a reason. I only lend money to friends if I don't expect it back, but money doesn't mean anything to me.

***

As for the topic, I suggest give him some cooling off time. If he doesn't apologise etc, I'd suggest taking legal action. The emotional blackmail which is going on is just bang out of order and he should be ashamed of himself.
What's he need a new car for anyway?
 
Nix said:
money doesn't mean anything to me.
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I love it when people say this, I love it even more when they actually believe it.

You try living for a month with no money, then you'll realise money means far from nothing to you.
 
[TW]Fox said:
I love it when people say this, I love it even more when they actually believe it.

You try living for a month with no money, then you'll realise money means far from nothing to you.
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I don't mean it in that sense. I know the value of money, I know I need it to survive. But, for me - money really isn't the be all and end all. Money is just something we have to deal with to get by, not a reason to be greedy.

Understand now?
 
The emotional blackmail doesn't stop there by the way.

My parents were meant to be moving to Northern Ireland but my mum pulled out at the last moment.

My brother's wife then said "well, you can tell the girls that you're not moving then, they will be heartbroken"

I knew they wouldn't as they are kids and forget things in an instant.

My mum told them, and 5 minutes later they were fine about it.

My brother's wife keeps reminding them though :( "wouldn't it be good if they did move over, they not now"

That gets my nieces upset again.

Crappest mother ever ARGHHH lol
 
your bro needs a slap, seriously. No brotherly relationship is good without a fight once in a while, especially needed when one person is acting like an arse. He needs to be taught how to spend less and realise there are more important things than cash and material goods, family is important and he shouldnt throw his away by acting like such a ****. As for his wife, she needs sortin out big time as well
 
Aruffell said:
Firstly a tip -

DON'T DO IT.
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I disagree, you have been burnt here mate and i understand you venting, you lent out some money probably believing it to be going to a worthy cause when realy its a drop in the ocean with your brothers problems and not appreciated at all. Hard I know but I think you need to drop the idea about claiming back the £100, your brother obviously has bigger problems to deal with. try focus your attention on stopping this from happening anymore to you or your parents.
I dont wanna rub it in but id lend my siblings my last pennies, i know they would do the same for me.

Hope you get this sorted bud.
 
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