movie script

EGuitarStar;30480392 said:
A bit too predictable, I think people will get board as you'll be able to guess what happens in the end.
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i shouldn't have said how it ends but i'm not too concerned the whole world is gonna know but yeah basically when he get's cornered somewhere after a chase and realises it's over he pulls out novel from his bag and scribbles in it his final chapter and play's it out in in epic ending
 
sajtion;30480423 said:
it's only my hobby but i am darn good at it so considering it seriously as a profession. i doubt i would ever move to hollywood and write movies for a living. i have twenty movies lined up with far better and original ideas then one i have mentioned in this thread but who knows if i will ever finish them. i would like someday for my work to hit the big screen and in my lifetime it's very likely possibility
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Twenty movies "lined up" but no agent or any idea whatsoever about how to get them sold or indeed read?
 
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sajtion;30480423 said:
it's only my hobby but i am darn good at it so considering it seriously as a profession. i doubt i would ever move to hollywood and write movies for a living. i have twenty movies lined up with far better and original ideas then one i have mentioned in this thread but who knows if i will ever finish them. i would like someday for my work to hit the big screen and in my lifetime it's very likely possibility
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Bold claim. How do you know you're good at it? Has your work been read by an agent, producers, studios? Have you received industry feedback or actual interest in any of your scripts? Ideas are ten a penny, meaningless and without value in and of themselves, anyone can have one. Actually taking an idea and developing it in to a GOOD script that has structure and all the crucial elements that actually matter is where the skill lies, and 99% of scripts written are absolute drivel. In Hollywood alone the % that gets past low level readers at the studios is in the 1-2% category. Of course, that still equates to A LOT of scripts because writing is cheap and every man and his dog thinks they can do it and make millions. That is not the reality though of course.

Before you stand a chance of making a penny from a script, you need to make contacts within the industry. And assuming you even have a worthy script in the first place, the road to actually seeing money in your bank account is a long and uncertain one. No one is going to just walk up and hand you a bag of cash for your script! That WILL NOT happen, so please dissuade yourself of this notion. Only established screenwriters get paid up front, and even then many still write on spec. Best case is that you get an option on your script from an independent producer (for no money, or a paltry £1 or something like that), who will then go out and try and raise finance, attach a director, cast etc. and then come the first day of principal photography, you would get paid. How much that would be would entirely depend on the terms of your contract (which you would need to negotiate of course, but there are set industry minimums) and the budget of the film. So essentially, the length of a piece of string.
 
sajtion;30480423 said:
it's only my hobby but i am darn good at it so considering it seriously as a profession. i doubt i would ever move to hollywood and write movies for a living. i have twenty movies lined up with far better and original ideas then one i have mentioned in this thread but who knows if i will ever finish them. i would like someday for my work to hit the big screen and in my lifetime it's very likely possibility
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Please post a short passage from one of your screenplays. I've written a few myself and would love to see it.
 
this is one of the kids mafia comedy movies i am writing for someone like robert de niro. the basic plot is that he is old time mafia mobster who has taken a peaceful course of life with wife and settled down. in his younger days he was a big mafia mobster. when his son is born he wants him to follow in his footsteps but he realises his son may not live up to his tough man potential so he get's his old crew to teach him the ways. his son is very feeble and not cut out to be tough man


this is is still work in progress so many changes and rewrites may happen





EXT - GARDEN - DAY

Joey is lying on the sunbed chair. Its sizzling hot. He’s wearing sun glasses. Martha walks up to him with two glasses of cocktail and hands one over to her husband then sits next to him on her adjacent sunbed. He takes a sip

JOEY

It tastes just like you

MARTHA

You can taste the real me later

They kiss on lips

Watching their son playing. He’s skinny with big eyes and easily frightened persona.

MARTHA (CONT’D)

I wonder how our boy will turn up when he grows up.

JOEY

We all know that. He will be like me.

MARTHA

You know I can’t say he takes up on anyone in your family. Not even you

JOEY

Sure he does. He’s like his old man, tough

MARTHA

I don’t think he is. He has a very feminine side.

Looking intently at him doing something in garden

MARTHA (CONT’D)

Yeah he has a much softer side then you. I guess he takes up on me
She laughs

Suddenly it dawns on him that he sons may not grow up at all like himself, a tough man. He acts to do something about it

CUT TO:

INT - PIZZA SHOP

A typical Italian pizza shop in downtown. It’s run by old mob friend Franko. He’s also the chef. He’s obese with big belly, loud and quite blunt in way how he runs things. He’s got a temper and you don’t want to mess with him. Customer complains about the pizza he was just served.

CUSTOMER

Chef, this pizza is tasteless. Give me something that tastes good.

FRANKO

How would you like I pull your gut out and serve you that instead?

CUSTOMER

What

FRANKO

You don’t like my pizza. You get out of here


INT - HOUSE - DAY

Joey picks up a phone, On the other line is his old time mob partner Franko, from pizza shop in middle town.

FRANKO

Yeah hello.. This is old style Italian pizza. You’re speaking with Franko. I'm the boss here. What’s your business?

JOEY

(sobbing)

FRANKO

Boss? Is that you
They go way back in the days of the mob. The name nickname just stuck all these years

JOEY

Yes (barely recognizable)
FRANKO

What’s wrong boss? Everything alright?

JOEY

My son

FRANKO

Your son. Is he alright? Did he get into any trouble?

JOEY

My boy you know, he’s not like us

FRANKO

What do you mean boss?

FRANKO (CONT’D)

You mean like he’s not into smokes and liquor and women yet. There is plenty of time for that

JOEY

He’s not growing up like us

FRANKO

How old is boy? Seventeen? Eighteen? You got to give him time

JOEY

No, it’s too late. He’s not like one of us now, You know tough guys.

JOEY (CONT’D)

He’ is a coward.

FRANKO

Don’t worry boss. We will teach your boy to be tough, the right way, our way. We’ll toughen him up. Say why don’t I come over there and speak with him.
JOEY
Sure

FRANKO

Alright everybody the shop is closed. Everyone out.
Wearing a brown leather jack, lock the door to his pizza shop and walks into parking space to drive off in a car but suddenly is alerted by hippy hassling some lady for money around the corner.

HIPPY

Hey lady gimme some more money? C’mon

LADY

I just gave you one dollar. Oh please leave me alone.

Franko walks up to him

FRANKO

Hey, the lady just told you to leave her alone.

HIPPY

Buzz of fat boy, this has nothing to do with you

Franko walk to his car and takes a bag from his trunk. He approaches the hippy and pulls it over his head and body all the way and ties the bag.
As he is walking away

FRANKO

Don’t worry mam. I will sort this

WOMEN

Oh thank you lord, May you bless this man
He carry’s the bag on his shoulder to his car

HIPPY

Let me go

FRANKO

Shut up

Franko dumps him into the back of the trunk and drives away.

CUT TO:


INT - HOUSE - DAY

Franko arrives to Joey house. He's brought with him a nice little surprise. In the back of the trunk is a crazy hippy in need of some light beating and verbal lesson like old times. Its perfect opportunity for his feeble son to man up. They both take him into basement and hook him up to ceiling upside down.
Joey summons his son for some father and son talk. The expression on his face is and worrisome and anxious

JOEY

Now son. I’m going be honest with you, man to man. Your a disappointment and embarrassment to this whole family.

SON

What

JOEY

That’s right. Donadini is family of tough man and women and it runs in the blood. You are one who is born in this heritage but don’t seem to know what that means so you gotta show me that you can man up and be worthy to carry that surname


Joey (CONT’D)

Pick up that bat from over there.

SON

This one?

JOEY

Yeah, bring it over here. Now i want you to bash his freaking head in.

FRANKO

Boss

JOEY

You don’t wanna kill him son. All we wanna do is teach him a lesson son.

We’ll teach hippy never to hassle old ladies again.

JOEY (CONT’D)

Son some people you gotta to teach the easy way and some the hard way. Now hit him
SON

I can’t do it dad.

JOEY

Why not? You gotta to man up son. You don’t want stay a women all your life.
 
sajtion;30496075 said:
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I'm not going to pull my punches because you need to hear this. Great ideas are only 1% of the work a screenplay requires. I would describe your excerpt as pre-first draft so if you consider this anywhere near finished you need to rethink things. Areas that need work: spelling, grammar and punctuation, character voices need to be more logical and individualised, removal of baffling character actions (a 18-year-old 'playing in a garden'; a mafia tough-guy 'crying on the phone'), your omission of important words. Finally, you intend this to be feature-length yet the action moves too quickly with no time for the audience to invest in the characters.

Another point is that your main characters are 18 and middle-aged yet you want this to be a kids' film.

Writing takes a huge amount of work so don't be disheartened, but do be more self-critical.
 
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