My first relationship thread, consisting of multiple OCUKers.

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Otacon said:
Yes, and we have done before. The only reason this thread is still visible is her permission for it to be here, and her lack of contribution, keeping this thread about Sepheh so he can have his advice.
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I would just like to say I have talked to her about it and I know there are some things that she would rather not have been posted, but she does agree that it is all factual.

I feel I am being discredited harshly by the way this thread has been approached by some people. I know you approached her asking if she wanted the thread closed. I dont think I have been approached if ever she has made a thread about me though. May sound arguementative but it is a true a fair fact.
 
Otacon said:
I didnt, the team did. It was reported by a team member and was decided that she should have the say while the thread was about you.



I recall none of her threads along these lines in the past, and I see nothing in the moderator forums.

'Airing dirty laundry' is something we've never allowed on the forums, it's neither appropriate nor right that it be done on a public forum that both parties post on.
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Yes and thats why I have tried so hard for this not to be airing dirty laundry. I approached Holly first. If any of you realise how much I respect and love Holly you would know that I dont want to discredit who she is at all. I am trying to be fair in this whole situation. Fair enough none of her threads have been along the lines of me explaining five years of my life, two and half of which happens to be a relationship. Quite possibly the point in all of this has been missed. I want people to know how amazing Holly is, and the people who have met her can only know this. She makes you smile and is such good fun. Nothing can ever take that away from her, nothing can change her good spirit. I just felt that I wanted to discuss me, on a forum, where people i know read, and a good percentage of the viewers i have through their posts learned to understand and have a sense of respect on their opinions. I had more chance of finding someone to relate to here than anywhere else. I apologise for a couple of bits of inaccurate information, and a couple of bits of information which Holly has made me aware she wasnt to comfortable being shared. But at the same time she has expressed it to me that she doesnt mind this being put up here, as she feels she owes it to me. At the same time she does also say that she doesnt want me to change anything I have said, althought I have made a couple of alterations to yet again make this as accurate as possible. I am not here to cause problems and to make people look bad, I am here to get things in the open. I could have gone and posted a stupid reply to all of this saying omg wtf i woz here first innit who carez *** she finks. But lets face it, thats not who I am, if she had a massive issue with what was being said here I would have myself requested the thread to be closed and deleted. I dont want to cause friction between anyone. I try to be a decent guy and most people I know would swear on it that I am. I dont want any hard feelings between anyone, I just need to talk about this, because there is no other forseeable way i can see this being any easier for me.
 
Otacon said:
And nobody is stopping you :) You have her to thank for that.
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I know that... I seem to think that this thread is so derailed from the point now that... Yet again not the intention of it all! *sigh* I am not a bad person, but this thread is being twisted to make it appear I am, with certain peoples replies, making it seem as if I was writing this as a personal vendetta against her. No need for finger pointing anymore. Would be nice to get this back on topic.
 
cleanbluesky said:
I dont think that. I think you're a love sick puppy but you need to take control of your own emotions.

Holly seems nice, but there are lots of nice girls.



What is the topic? It seems to shift...
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If reading the links in my original post it would be obvious that controlling emotions is something very difficult for me.

Sorry Otacon finger pointing was the wrong term. I dont know the structure of the forums, but surely people could have asked Holly using her public email address about me posting this rather than everyone just throwing accusations at me. I know for instance it seemed as if cleanbluesky was suggesting I was making this as a grudge thread using something I said on a seperate thread.
 
cleanbluesky said:
There is no guaruntee that controlling your emotions is harder for you than anyone else
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No more garuntee than a proven brain injury specifically on the part of your brain that controls emotions. Depends on what way you look at it. I dont know how difficult it is for some people to control their emotions. I do know it is a lot harder for them to be controlled now than they ever were. I try to play down my problems and joke about them but sometimes you cant.

Someone said they understand how perfect Ms Holly is and that I should focus on the negatives. I dont really feel that looking at her in a negative is going to be very productive for me. The past few years of my life have been with her, and one of the mostly happy parts of my life when everything else was difficult. For me to then look at her so negatively it doesnt say much for the last 5 years of my life.

I wasnt looking for a oh well life goes on kinda thing, nor sympathy, nor most of the posts that have been here. The most helpful thing is I have found people who were not in the same situation but similar situations. It is hard to relate to my friends about all of this, because none of them have really been in any similar situations. The internet is full of such diversity I was hoping to get someone to understand and maybe have a situation comparibile to give some educated advice about this all.

My original questions were perhaps overdramatised. I think in the end I am just left wondering how difficult it is going to be for me to have relationships with people in the future due to my illness. Its something I live with, and something I have moved on from, but there are aspects of me that make me different that people wont be able to understand. My real fear is never finding anyone who will understand me, that one person who just 'gets you'.

Also to cleanbluesky again, yeah I do know I dont want to be pining over her anymore. I am just also asking the best way to get over her. Cutting off contact from her seems to be the best solution for me at the moment, its jus difficult to when you have been talking to someone everyday for the past two and half years. I just wanted advice on the best way to get over something. My normal method is to confront it and understand it. However there are some parts of the situation I will never understand, which is why I am struggling to accept it and get over it.
 
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Otacon said:
You have to try and put some prioroty on your friendship now. So long as you're clouded by these emotions, you can never really be friends, and that's no good to either of you. Take some time to clear your mind and reaffirm your priotities in life. After that, if it's what you want, you can move forward, with Holly beside you.
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That is my ideal situation at the moment. I want to have a friendship now, but I know I make it difficult myself when I constantly question where our love disappeared and when I always tell her how much I love her. In the end I am inpatient and would love to be over this and have a civilised and lovely friendship with her which i believe i will one day be able to have.
 
Thank you and appreciated. Its the times when I am on my own that are the hardest. They are really difficult for me.

Another thing I am really struggling is the physical aspect of how this situation is making me feel. I have lost all appetite and am eating hardly anything. Yesterday I had one small chicken kebab thing that my Mum barbequed for myself and Holly. And today I had half of a panini and I am not in the slightest bit hungry. I could barely manage the panini. I know I should be forcing myself to eat, but I am kinda enjoying the weight I am losing from this all!

Mr Tommo, you have missed the point. I think all of my replies will speak for themselves, I dont want to make this a guilt thread. I just really am seeking advice, I know no-one with similar experiences of mine, I was hoping on a large forum I would get some advice. I have from certain people and thankful for it. I understand why you would think what you do. Holly has been such a big part of my life I can actually talk about it here easier than to my friends, because they are all friends with holly... at least here i get some neutrality in this all. I am not the type of person to guilt trip people into being with someone. I have said my part to Holly and thats it. I understand how contravertial this can be but please read the previous posts. What you are saying is pretty much a done and dusted point.
 
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Appreciative of that post. I dont want to say anything other than thanks, because i dont want this to be a thread about how amazing you are, althought parts of it are.

A lot of people are telling me to get back out there and meet new people. Dont think I am at that stage quite yet. I definately dont feel like getting into another relationship or even think about being with someone else for quite a while at least. I dont want to hurt Holly more than I have, genuinely I think it would hurt her to know I would be with someone else, as it has with me. I also do not feel ready for another relationship. I think with how fragile I am it would do more damage than good.
 
Holly and I still both care about each other as friends, but I am still wanting more. I think it would still hurt Holly just from comments she made in the past. You always get those twangs of jealousy when you hear about one of your ex's finding someone else. Its just what happens really. I just dont ever want to hurt Holly again. I have hurt her enough in the past and want her more than anything to be happy. I dont want to hurt her now. More than anything though I am not ready for another relationship, if I was to have a relationship now it would end up with the person I was dating getting hurt because I am not over Holly.
 
I just care a lot for this girl, she is something special and I right now I care more about her than I do about myself... Its the wrong attitude, but its just the way I feel right now and I cant help it :(
 
Pants said:
Can I just ask how well you are recovering, have you got your memory back fully?
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Nowhere near back, I would love to be positive and to say that I am over halfway as better as i wish to have been but it would be a lie. I work in a bar, sometimes I turn around to get a drink from the fridge turn back around and forgot who i was serving
 
Just gone back to spoons after 6 months off. I work in the kitchen and on the bar. I worked today between 12-3 doing an AFD tomorrow (all ....ing day). Normally work the weekends to!
 
I dont mean to come accross as arogant from this post, but a lot of people are saying not to let my illness control me. I dont really let it control me, its moments when I am down and upset that I mention it and let it get me down. In general though due to the way it has effected me there are parts which are near impossible to control. The emotional side of my illness is very difficult to conqour, in the same sense that I can not just suddenly remember everything again. I can't just take control of my emotions, although the brain is an amazing thing, one thing people should know is the brain does not heal itself. It simply adapts. Therefor when I did have this illness eating away at my brain for two or so weeks there was fairly substantial amount of damage. To show the MRI scan would be shocking really. Obviously I seem a lot better than I am because I was fortunate enough to have all of the damage localised to my temporal lobe. In the same sense though this has made the damage there extensive. It not only effects my emotions and memory but also word finding skills. I often say and use the wrong words with out realising it (common thing I guess people would say anyway). I honestly do my best to try not to let my illness effect, but when it does have such a major effect on my life it is often difficult.

I dont consider myself unique in a sense that I am so much better than everyone else. I do consider myself unique in the sense that everyone is unique. I also find it difficult to find people to relate to, so when people have assumed that I am just saying that I am so unique it is only through my experience. I have tried to find people with similar experiences and even through my first couple of years going in and out of hospital I have always been told my case is unique. These are by doctors who deal with this every day. By doctors who are specialists in a hospital that deals with a large number of the serious neurological cases in the country.

Apologies for everyone I have upset with out the use of paragraphs! Understand it was all difficult enough to write that entire episode of my life down with out worrying extensively about grammar and spelling... I think I did alright minus the paragraphs :P
 
I still dont know what to do. I feel very lonely now, I miss the closeness. I dont want to get back with Holly anymore though. We are different people, I have changed positively since I have been in australia and Holly has just changed. I wont say my feelings of how she has changed as it is not appropriate. I dont want to look at Holly in a negative light because the things I can look at her negatively only will upset me more than looking at her as I perceive her now. The negative aspects of Holly are the things that have hurt me severly. Her turning off her feelings for me has hurt me a lot, I dont understand where such strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days.

Its been a while now obviously since Holly and I have been apart now (officially a few months, emotionally not so long for me) and I am trying to follow her own advice which was to go and find someone else. She did say that she would be upset when I did, but as people have said I shouldnt be using that as an excuse. My friend today Charlie (a female Charlie) was really consolling me and giving me lots of hugs and I realised she is the type of person I would like to be in a relationship with next. In that sense that she is really caring, but also knows when to joke but when to be serious and has a similar sense of humour. Unfortunately she is only interested in girls... :o Just my luck hey. She is really intelligent and I think knows a lot about my type of illness from my vague conversations with her. She is of great comfort to me and really my type. If I was to follow advice from people I would ask her out. Problem is she is a lesbian, so now I am wondering what is wrong with my taste in women! :o

Moving on swiftly. Someone suggested starting a hobby thats a good idea and I am trying to do that, I want to get fit and tone up my muscles so a gym is the best idea for me at the moment. However it is financially unfeasible for me, so I will stick to my cycling at the moment. Problem is all my passions at the moment remind me of Holly. We share lots of similar interests and its hard to not be reminded of her. Where my career is heading unfortunately will remind me a lot of Holly.

I am trying to start a new stage of my life now and that stage of my life I dont want Holly involved in at all. As said above though where my career is heading there will be reminders of Holly, however I am following my dream a lot longer than most people will have been following theirs. I am going to be doing something I have been passionate about since my first memories of me. Life moves on, this whole thread though is about my struggle with the moving on. Holly was so much of my life that it is hard to move on. Plus when you are not 100% ready to move on sometimes that doesnt help!
 
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