I'm no expert by an means, but I do think a lot of the 'theoretical' resting calorie useage etc is just wrong, or at least varies so much person to person that theres no point basing your diet on it.
I was in a similar position to you a couple of years back. 35, 6ft, 230lbs. I tried weights for about 6 months and did feel a hell of a lot better, but ate a reasonable amount (of good quality food) to compensate. Not a huge amount, but probably still about 2000-2500 cals a day. The weight dropped to about 210 pounds and i dropped a few inches off the belt but then just stopped. No doubt with a good personal trainer etc it would have made a difference, but I decided to just go on a much stricter diet in terms of calories. I dont do weights anymore as I dont want to build any more muscle, so I just do free cardio! about 20 miles a week running and between 60 - 100 miles cycling. Coupled to a predominantly mediterranean diet of about 1500 cals a day I now weigh 175lbs, am still losing about a 1lb or 2lb a week and never feel hungry and have bags of energy.....oh and I can get into 32" jeans again (from a high of 40"!)
My typical diet/exercise would be:
Get up at 7. Go for a 4 mile run or 10 mile bike ride.
Breakfast - small bowl of alpen, cup of espresso
Lunch - home made salad, typically leafy with cherry tomatoes, olives, spring onion, peppers and either a slice of ham, bit of chicken or salmon/mackerel. Nice drizzle of good quality olive oil and a bit of balsamic
Dinner - Nice piece of fish, usually trout/sea bream/sea bass with tomatoes, olives, bit of rice or pasta.
Thats it. No need for snacks or 101 small meals. I tend to go for a decent bike ride on a weekend (20-50 miles), and I'll have a few more carbs to compensate
As I say, might not suit you at all, but you work in IT (like me) so I think we tend to forget that we generally do sod all through the day so dont need many calories! It sounds to me like you're eating at a maintenance levels for the exercise you're doing so either increase that or reduce the calories. Thats assuming that you just want to be slim, which was the impression I got from your initial posts.