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LizardKing said:
Anybody else have a child with learning difficultly? or even suspected?

My little 4yr old man was diagnosed on the asd spectrum, with the bonus of a missing chromosome (though this is still being looked into in regard to how it will affect him) a few months back. he's quite severely affected lacking any sort of communication skills and will be starting at a special school in sept. Just getting to this point has been a journey in itself!
Anyhow i just thought i'd ask not for particular advice for myself just yet but in case anyone felt like discussing the subject or had concerns :)
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My 5 year old daughter is on the autism spectrum, has sensory processing disorder & joint hyper-mobility.

Its hard and wouldn't say it gets better as they get older it just changes to different things. We got a full diagnosis last year which took about 2 years to finally get. you just have to work with them and do what they enjoy and make sure you keep away from the things that can trigger them off. My daughter can't cope with groups of people & loud noises.

If you want to chat privately PM me.
 
subbytna said:
They just turned 18 months so a bit too young to make a prognosis. I don't know why but there is just something that doesn't seem right with him. I do research a lot for M.Ed degree students and SEN is a big part of that so I'm familiar with flags and traits for those that have some sort of SEN. I just hope I am wrong.
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Fingers crossed it just quirks :) my boy was obsessed with watching the wheels of toy cars as he pushed it forward and back, and it was only because a friends SEN kid did the same that we started to research a bit more and started to notice a few of his other quirks! :)

passey89 said:
My 5 year old daughter is on the autism spectrum, has sensory processing disorder & joint hyper-mobility.

Its hard and wouldn't say it gets better as they get older it just changes to different things. We got a full diagnosis last year which took about 2 years to finally get. you just have to work with them and do what they enjoy and make sure you keep away from the things that can trigger them off. My daughter can't cope with groups of people & loud noises.

If you want to chat privately PM me.
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Cheers! :) That must have been some relief to get the diagnosis!

Its been a tough few years for sure! i do worry that he is getting bigger/louder each day it becomes harder to fake it when out and about. We found that once we learned to communicate on his level that he was far better, ie just simple things like showing his shoes to him first rather than just taking his hand and putting his shoes on. its easy to forget how important such little things like that can be - your quickly reminded if you do forget :D

All things aside, i now find the whole autism spectrum fascinating and how the brain can work so differently and varied between different people.
 
Quick update, we had a baby boy delivered by caesarian late this afternoon. After being in the hospital since Friday night we finally got to meet him.

Mother and baby doing great and one chuffed brand new dad!
 
Proper proud dad moment this morning.

Just trying to get potty training to the point where he goes himself without telling us, he knows where the potty is. But sometimes he's just lazy and will tell us to go get it or that he needs to go.

Was upstairs having a shower this morning while he was downstairs watching TV, came downstairs and he'd gone and got the potty out the cupboard, taken his pyjama bottoms and nappy off and used the potty without any mess :D
 
We started at 2 but found we were just forcing it on him as opposed to actually making progress. Wee's were fine but number 2's, he wouldn't tell us when he needed to go so we were relying on being lucky by plonking him on the potty and seeing if he went. So we just made him aware of the potty, told him that if he needs to go and he wants to go on the potty then just tell us. It took time but it got to the point where he'd actually hold it in until he could go on the potty if we were home so we knew it was time, that was about 28 months.

And now we seem to be at the point where he's happy to do it himself, and we can leave him in pants all day around the house instead of nappies.
 
Dont want to put a negative in the thread but having a few problems that I need help with.

I have a 3 year old boy and a 9 month old girl and ever since the girl was born my wife has been fixated on her and everything is falling apart, she was a little like this with the 1st, but nowhere near as bad. We have different views on parenting and I have compromised but she wont, in any way, and I feel like a spare part!

Now it seems I am becoming surplus to requirement (apart from providing house, money etc) and we are both unhappy and I fear I am going to end up without my best friend, and only see my kids at the weekends! Anyone else gone through this and come out the other side with a positive result?
 
TBirdUK said:
Dont want to put a negative in the thread but having a few problems that I need help with.

I have a 3 year old boy and a 9 month old girl and ever since the girl was born my wife has been fixated on her and everything is falling apart, she was a little like this with the 1st, but nowhere near as bad. We have different views on parenting and I have compromised but she wont, in any way, and I feel like a spare part!

Now it seems I am becoming surplus to requirement (apart from providing house, money etc) and we are both unhappy and I fear I am going to end up without my best friend, and only see my kids at the weekends! Anyone else gone through this and come out the other side with a positive result?
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Ignore her x2 and work on yourself to become Alpha. Become emotionally less available to her. Still escalate and go for sex frequently, but pull away if you don’t get it and go do something else. Hit the gym. Excel at work. Throw yourself into new interesting hobbies. Get out there with friends and do fun stuff. Build an awesome life without her. You only bring her along for the ride if that escalation starts leading to her respecting you like a champ. Otherwise, she stays home with the 9 month old and you have a fun life without her.
 
Wow, straight to the point, that's what I like about this forum. It does look like you are telling me to give up on the family but am grateful for the advice, its an option, dont like it but might be the only way to escape with sanity intact (or whats left of it).
 
I'm not telling you to give up on the family, children need a strong father figure. I'm telling you to give up being a doormat for her only "providing house, money etc" Women need attention much more than men do, follow my advice and if there is any relationship left to save, you will see that the reins of power are in your hands.

Just remember: Confrontation is a tool of women, not men and if you use a woman's tool against a woman, all you're telling her is what buttons she can press in the future to really upset you.
 
good point, I am a bit out of my depth with this, never thought of it from that viewpoint.

I have always been the strong one, at work etc, guess I may have been to eager to appease her over the past few years thinking that what being a Dad was, doing everything for the kids etc and lost sight of myself - it does seem that the woman gets to make the choices nowdays, it seems if she decided to leave its almost automatic she takes the kids and I have to pay for the privilege of not being there, even though I could provide them with a stable home etc!
 
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The alternative is to go with a rational and considered approach and not this "red pill" nonsense that Tosno usually comes out with.

Have you spoken to her about it? Preferably in a relaxed setting and in a non-confrontational way? If so, what was the outcome?
 
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Step 1. Don't listen to Tosno.
Step 2. Listen to the reasonable advice from everyone else.

Communication is all that is required here, maybe it's the end of the line, maybe it can all be figured out, only way to find out is to talk to her about it and see if you can work through it together.

Your hands will be tied if she doesn't want to talk about it, but then shes closing the door on the relationship and you can take steps from there.
 
Another recommendation from me to ignore what Tosno is saying. Part of what he says is true, you need to focus on doing something for you too (a hobby, sport, exercising etc) but not to the exclusion of your family and your wife.

A few questions from me:

1. Is your wife on maternity leave or is she a stay-at-home Mum?
2. Have you considered that she might be suffering from PND? If she is neglecting your son (whom she used to dote over), it certainly sounds like depression could be a factor
3. Do you make time for you as a couple? e.g. date nights, going shopping together, basically time without the kids? If you don't, you should start doing this

Perhaps some examples of behaviour / arguments might be useful to understand what is going on. Have you spoken to her about it yet, and if so what was her feedback? Don't be aggressive, don't blame her for anything. You need a conversation about how you feel, not a finger pointing "you are doing x,y,z wrong" conversation.
 
That was a fun read. Ignore Tosno, well part of what he is saying is true... but ignore that too... add some extra filler with exclusion of family in general (I didn't say that) and take the blue pill.

Back in the real world. On one hand Tbird, we want to encourage the guy. He’s made great progress. He recognises the bad behaviour in his woman. He knows that this behaviour is a sign that she doesn’t respect him or the relationship and that he has no power in the relationship. He knows that he shouldn’t have to tolerate this bad behaviour and that continuing to put up with it is costing him additional power and respect. He knows he needs to stop tolerating this. I don’t want to minimize these steps. They’re important steps. Men who have taken these steps are leaps and bounds ahead of most beta men.

But then you guys want him to mess things up. The problem is that he can't set boundaries now. Women ignore the boundaries of a man they disrespect. She will laugh at him inside. She think it’s amusing when Tbird tries to tell her to refrain from doing something. A Tbird has yet to earn the right to act like an alpha champion man and speak to her that way – to presume to command her submission like that.

When someone in his shoes tells his woman to do or refrain from doing something, the woman will do one of 3 things: 1) Dump him because she doesn’t care about him; 2) Ignore his request (and maybe even tell him she’s ignoring it), which is a test she is using to demonstrate that she has the power in the relationship, not him; 3) Manipulate him – apologise, pretend she cares about the relationship so she can keep benefiting from it (money and house), then just do a better job of hiding her bad behaviour from him in the future.

The one thing a woman doesn’t do when a she disrespects her man and asks her to do something is submit. Whining that you want your woman to do or refrain from doing something and threatening to leave if she doesn’t obey does not make her suddenly recognise that you’re a real manly man that she’s afraid to lose, hence her apparent capitulation and obedience. If things get to the point where you have to deliver ultimatums, and your woman appears to submit to your ultimatum, you didn’t win. All you did is tell her where she needs to improve her skills and do a better job of lying and hiding her bad behaviour.
 
Tosno said:
That was a fun read. Ignore Tosno, well part of what he is saying is true... but ignore that too... add some extra filler with exclusion of family in general (I didn't say that) and take the blue pill.

Back in the real world. On one hand Tbird, we want to encourage the guy. He’s made great progress. He recognises the bad behaviour in his woman. He knows that this behaviour is a sign that she doesn’t respect him or the relationship and that he has no power in the relationship. He knows that he shouldn’t have to tolerate this bad behaviour and that continuing to put up with it is costing him additional power and respect. He knows he needs to stop tolerating this. I don’t want to minimize these steps. They’re important steps. Men who have taken these steps are leaps and bounds ahead of most beta men.

But then you guys want him to mess things up. The problem is that he can't set boundaries now. Women ignore the boundaries of a man they disrespect. She will laugh at him inside. She think it’s amusing when Tbird tries to tell her to refrain from doing something. A Tbird has yet to earn the right to act like an alpha champion man and speak to her that way – to presume to command her submission like that.

When someone in his shoes tells his woman to do or refrain from doing something, the woman will do one of 3 things: 1) Dump him because she doesn’t care about him; 2) Ignore his request (and maybe even tell him she’s ignoring it), which is a test she is using to demonstrate that she has the power in the relationship, not him; 3) Manipulate him – apologise, pretend she cares about the relationship so she can keep benefiting from it (money and house), then just do a better job of hiding her bad behaviour from him in the future.

The one thing a woman doesn’t do when a she disrespects her man and asks her to do something is submit. Whining that you want your woman to do or refrain from doing something and threatening to leave if she doesn’t obey does not make her suddenly recognise that you’re a real manly man that she’s afraid to lose, hence her apparent capitulation and obedience. If things get to the point where you have to deliver ultimatums, and your woman appears to submit to your ultimatum, you didn’t win. All you did is tell her where she needs to improve her skills and do a better job of lying and hiding her bad behaviour.
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How do I find it if i am Alpha? What is the criteria?
 
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