OcUK Dadsnet thread
- Thread starter Devrij
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If it's any consolation you're definitely not the first to feel that way and you won't be the last. It's totally normal to just feel like you're in this never ending loop, there were genuinely moments with my daughter where I would just go to sleep dreaming of my life pre-children (still do it at moments now to be fair)...
Is there something you can do during the mornings or afternoon/evenings to distract him (and also distract you)? When my wife went back to work I was working US hours for a few months so wouldn't start work till 11am most days - so nursery drop would be later on those days and I ended up just getting out every morning. A cafe, the library, walk in the woods, even doing a quick 30 min soft play at 9am on the occasional day, things that were free etc. would work well as a good distraction for both of us.
For you as well, make sure you do find time at the weekend when you can get away from being a parent or an employee. Whether that's having family look after your kid for 1 or 2 hours or however you make it happen.
Soldato
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Accidentally wondered into this thread then started reading - man alive, being a parent sounds impossibly difficult 
Well done to all the Dad's of OCUK it sounds like a really tough gig at times. It also seems the Dads get the short straw most of the time in the parenting deal.
Honestly I never want kids & thankfully I've managed not to, I dont think id be able to cope with the stress frankly, & I don't do well without frequent quiet time so I think it would be literally impossible.
Amazed how some of my mates do it, but I guess they are used to it !
Well done to all the Dad's of OCUK it sounds like a really tough gig at times. It also seems the Dads get the short straw most of the time in the parenting deal.
Honestly I never want kids & thankfully I've managed not to, I dont think id be able to cope with the stress frankly, & I don't do well without frequent quiet time so I think it would be literally impossible.
Amazed how some of my mates do it, but I guess they are used to it !
I've also wandered into this thread (like,@Combat squirrel not a parent)after reading threes about losing his dad because I'm very distant from mine.
Its brave to talk about this. It's not something people can really talk about in public for fear of being berated. Do you have anyone to talk to about it? It might be a good idea. I only know a few parents who've been open enough to say it gets better as kids get older.
Maybe you just need some support and someone to vent to to get through this tough patch?
Get some noise cancelling headphones if you haven’t already. It won’t fix anything but not having to listen to constant high pitched screams can be a godsend when you’re at your limit.
I use my AirPods all the time when my 1 year old decides to go full Pavarotti.
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Just wait until they are toddlers, the early stage screams are quiet in comparison 
My wife got me some of those loop earplugs as I can't stand the screaming, will come in handy next month when No2 arrives...
But I would echo some of the other thoughts for Vail3r, do you have anyone you can vent to? family/friends? other dads you know at the same stage? and also as suggested try and get some time to yourself each week, you are in the trenches now and cliche but it does get easier I promise you.
My wife got me some of those loop earplugs as I can't stand the screaming, will come in handy next month when No2 arrives...
But I would echo some of the other thoughts for Vail3r, do you have anyone you can vent to? family/friends? other dads you know at the same stage? and also as suggested try and get some time to yourself each week, you are in the trenches now and cliche but it does get easier I promise you.
Just wait until they are toddlers, the early stage screams are quiet in comparison
My wife got me some of those loop earplugs as I can't stand the screaming, will come in handy next month when No2 arrives...
But I would echo some of the other thoughts for Vail3r, do you have anyone you can vent to? family/friends? other dads you know at the same stage? and also as suggested try and get some time to yourself each week, you are in the trenches now and cliche but it does get easier I promise you.
Ill second this. Time for yourself is important. But also shying away from the situation when things are tough will not help either.
To say "hate" is a very strong term though and I feel that you really need to take a step back from your work life and realise how rewarding and important being a parent can be. And if your struggling with that, then perhaps seek some additional help.
You have to remember this too: Children's brains are underdeveloped, irrational and they are constantly learning. If he is crying or screaming, try to identify "why" learn his behaviours, help guide him or teach him how to regulate emotions.
Difficult depending on the age, but they learn from those around them regardless of the age. Its not easy, and i speak from experience with 2 children of my own. Things do get easier, but then like anything in life, the challenge doesnt go away it just transitions into another one.
Even at that age, children can still pick things up, so if you're feeling frustrated or your tone of voice changes, it can make things worse.
It's hard work, but I remind myself that it's also making me mentally stronger and helping me to grow as a person in other areas, as long as I put in the effort. I know a few dads who just leave their children with their partners or grandparents as soon as things get difficult. It's as if they only want to be around their kids when they're playing, etc.
It's hard work, but I remind myself that it's also making me mentally stronger and helping me to grow as a person in other areas, as long as I put in the effort. I know a few dads who just leave their children with their partners or grandparents as soon as things get difficult. It's as if they only want to be around their kids when they're playing, etc.
Its one of the biggest responsibilities most people encounter, and upsettingly most shy away from the challenge of it.
People are reluctant to have to put themselves second for a change, or accept their lives and priorities should now change.
Echo what others are saying @vail3r - lean on family for support if need be.
In comparison, our son seems to be "perfect". He is three next weekend and we're going up to Chessington on the Friday, can't wait.
We've been full on potty training for a month now with the help of daycare and he is coming along really well with it too. He can be a pain sometimes. But it's super, super rare for him to have a full on tantrum or scream and shout. He might cry for 30s when he doesn't get his way and gets over it quickly.
Bedtime has also been good over the last 6 months. Take him up at his bed time - and he doesn't moan or cry for us. Just does his thing in bed and goes off to sleep quickly.
In comparison, our son seems to be "perfect". He is three next weekend and we're going up to Chessington on the Friday, can't wait.
We've been full on potty training for a month now with the help of daycare and he is coming along really well with it too. He can be a pain sometimes. But it's super, super rare for him to have a full on tantrum or scream and shout. He might cry for 30s when he doesn't get his way and gets over it quickly.
Bedtime has also been good over the last 6 months. Take him up at his bed time - and he doesn't moan or cry for us. Just does his thing in bed and goes off to sleep quickly.
Exactly. I struggle with my two sometimes and its almost always me thats the fundamental problem. They are babies. Whats my excuse? Its usually that I am knackered and when its really **** and I am struggling the most its almost always because I am hungry as well. Tired and hungry is an awful combination for me.
This isn't a dig at you @vail3r, just something to consider. Some children are super easy and others are super hard. Children at that age are super simple creatures but unfortunately thats a double edged sword. One of our boys was a nightmare for the first 3 months largely because he had terrible trapped wind. Babies can't do anything for themselves so any pain, discomfort or pretty much anything else can only be vocalised through crying and screaming.
As @Ayahuasca says though, they are also very in tune with your emotions and when you are angry or grumpy it almost never helps. I know that doesn't change how you feel but sometimes you have to take a step back and reflect on your own behaviour and the effect is has on your child. I know I have had to do that a lot in the first two years and I regularly haven't liked what I have seen.
Also, human memories are bloody awful so you will look back and forget most of the worst times in a while.
If your child is constantly crying the only real thing I can suggest is to try and work out why because there is almost certainly something wrong. Take them for walks, play with them, see if there are certain times its worse. Talk to the nursery and see how they are at nursery. What they like, what they don't. They have masses of experience with children of all types and can perhaps advise or at least help.
Reading the recent posts here brings back so many memories! All of you with little monsters - they will grow out of it!
My eldest is just finishing her 1st year at uni, my youngest is just starting his A-levels. Different stresses! It's harder watching him do them, wish I could do more for him.
She's loving uni and is happy. He is stressed - needs A*A*A for his 1st choice (Maths, Further maths and physics). Further maths paper 1 was yesterday and he reckons he got a high A but is now feeling the pressure for papers 2 & 3.
Talking to his friends, he said that time was the major issue for all of them. Seems daft to measure 2 years of study by how quickly you can work, rather than how much you have learnt.
Oh well fingers crossed. Plus, good luck to all those taking exams at the moment.
My eldest is just finishing her 1st year at uni, my youngest is just starting his A-levels. Different stresses! It's harder watching him do them, wish I could do more for him.
She's loving uni and is happy. He is stressed - needs A*A*A for his 1st choice (Maths, Further maths and physics). Further maths paper 1 was yesterday and he reckons he got a high A but is now feeling the pressure for papers 2 & 3.
Talking to his friends, he said that time was the major issue for all of them. Seems daft to measure 2 years of study by how quickly you can work, rather than how much you have learnt.
Oh well fingers crossed. Plus, good luck to all those taking exams at the moment.
Does anyone have a device they have fitted to their washing machine to stop little pokey fingers from turning off our washes mid cycle. In their infinite wisdom LG have implemented a "child lock" that locks everything but the power button. I mean, what genius thought that one up. "Don't worry, as long as they don't press this lit up button your child can't do anything to your wash".
Had a horrible moment earlier. My boys are over two now so I am at the point where little grosses me out about them or anything to do with them but they managed to catch me out today.
Went to use our broom to clean up the kitchen floor and one of them had either snotted or sneezed onto the handle and there was a massive sticky snot that went all over my hands when I grabbed the broom. Utter grubs
Went to use our broom to clean up the kitchen floor and one of them had either snotted or sneezed onto the handle and there was a massive sticky snot that went all over my hands when I grabbed the broom. Utter grubs
Soldato
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So it's official IAM joining the getting a divorce club. Me and the Mrs had a chat over the weekend about our future or lack of one to be more precise. We haven't been getting on as a couple for the last few years, last time we had sex was 3 years ago and we have just grown apart steadily since then. We have two boys 13 and 7 so for their sake we have decided to separate before it gets toxic. IAM going back to my mum's and she's going to stay in the family home with the boys, she will be buying me out. Since we made the decision ironicly we have been getting on better probably relief at the weight being lifted off our shoulders. So it's back to my old bedroom that I had as a kid the circle is complete as Palapatine would say.
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When the girls were younger we were lucky enough to be on a dual tariff where it was cheaper to wash at night. We would set the timer so the wash would start around midnight... Cheaper washes and no little pokey fingers to mess with buttons
Question for those who have (or had) newborns - what did you guys do about baby monitors? Part of me is anti having them and feeling a bit oldschool as we never had them back in the 80s when I was born, but everyone seems to have them now.
I just see or hear about so many parents just sat there in the evenings with the monitor feed on and that's all they're looking at - seems a bit overkill to me??
I just see or hear about so many parents just sat there in the evenings with the monitor feed on and that's all they're looking at - seems a bit overkill to me??
Soldato
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When they were newborn they were in with us, but once they had their own room, we set cameras up which we could access on our phones, but had sound monitors which followed us (mainly my wife) around the house. For me it was just a little peace of mind. My wife paid more attention to them than I did, but I am a little more relaxed a parent than her anyway. Overall, my wife was considerably more obsessed than me, but they were rainbow twins so kind of understandable.
In my case, I didn't realise how much I would want to be checking on my kids to make sure they were safe until they arrived - and monitors made that easier. For the record, I had my kids when I was in my mid-40s, so the only school is know is oldschool