OcUK Hivemind, am I in the wrong?

Caporegime
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Getting some flak on this one but I can't grasp that I'm in the wrong.

I have a sister, my partner has a brother. Both have their own partners. Each year at Christmas we alternate between our parents for Christmas Dinner.

For example, this year we are due at my parents, my sister at her partners parents and my partners brother at their parents.

Everyone is happy. Everyone has family there for Christmas Dinner.

This year however my partners brother has decided last minute he's not going to spend it with his parents. This means they'll be alone.

My partner has asked if we could have them round at ours, no problem except my mum suffers severe social anxiety, particularly when eating. This therefore means my mum is either going to have a nightmare of a time or can't come.

I've therefore said we shouldn't change the plans and pattern that has been in place for years. She's kicking off with me saying I'm being selfish and making her parents have to have Dinner alone.

I think her brother is the one at fault in this scenario.

Who's right? Is there an alternative?
 
Soldato
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Her brother is the one in the wrong, definitely.

You're obviously on a hiding to nothing though, so best of luck! :D
 
Don
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What I and the other half do is have lunch at one parents and tea at the other and swap each year.

Not ideal for you, but it would mean spending time with both sets of parents.
 
Caporegime
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What I and the other half do is have lunch at one parents and tea at the other and swap each year.

Not ideal for you, but it would mean spending time with both sets of parents.

We alternate with Christmas day and boxing day, so we'd be with her parents for boxing day.
 
Soldato
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YABU. What does it matter to you what the brother does?

Have your partner's parents over in the evening or visit them in the evening instead? Or even for breakfast?
 
Caporegime
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YABU. What does it matter to you what the brother does?

Have your partner's parents over in the evening or visit them in the evening instead? Or even for breakfast?

It matters because he's the one breaking the pattern and therefore causing the problem.

Breakfast and the evening are not of relevance, I'm talking about Christmas Dinner.
 
Soldato
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It matters because he's the one breaking the pattern and therefore causing the problem.

Breakfast and the evening are not of relevance, I'm talking about Christmas Dinner.

What happens if someone is ill one year or otherwise indisposed and 'breaks the pattern'?
 
Caporegime
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What happens if someone is ill one year or otherwise indisposed and 'breaks the pattern'?

Thats an unfortunate event and not a conscious decision. Albeit the outcome is likely to be the same. He has made a choice to leave her parents alone this year.
 
Caporegime
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...

She's kicking off with me saying I'm being selfish and making her parents have to have Dinner alone.
Ignoring the brother in law completely, can't you just tell her she's being selfish expecting your mum to endure her severe social anxiety? :p

I mean, you won't win, but at least you can win some moral high ground before you inevitably have to concede to keep the peace :p
 
Caporegime
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Ignoring the brother in law completely, can't you just tell her she's being selfish expecting your mum to endure her severe social anxiety? :p

I mean, you won't win, but at least you can win some moral high ground before you inevitably have to concede to keep the peace :p

Already done it. I think that's why she's not speaking to me :D
 
Soldato
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Has your mum expressly said she doesn't want your partner's parents to come? Or have you made that determination yourself?

If the former then you are on solid ground, you can't really compromise with your mum being comfortable or not in her own home.

If it's the latter then I see why you are coming in for flak.
 
Associate
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It's not fair putting your mum in an uncomfortable situation if she'll be genuinely upset over it. Ask your mum if she'd be OK with it, that's you're golden ticket. If she says no then the wife's got no grounds for being in a huff and needs to sort it out with her brother.
 
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