Office Farts (how do you sneak them out)
- Thread starter MuttsNutts
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At school we just shout 'SAFETY!' when we release a silent and deadly one 
If you try to ignore it for some reason they always track you down... I never do it near the girls though, hey think I'm sweet so I'm going to keep it that way :L
If you try to ignore it for some reason they always track you down... I never do it near the girls though, hey think I'm sweet so I'm going to keep it that way :L
Soldato
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Boring. But with class.
Caporegime
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I bet you reckon you're some Finch-from-American-Pie-type character!
Class when it matters and fun at all other times.
I don't class the office as the right place to "let off steam".
I have been known to chuckle at a fart though, don't get me wrong, but there is a time and a place.
Soldato
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Depends if I'm alone or notCome on.. We all know you've giggled once or twice when you let off a fart that was so loud it shook China.
About 15 years ago I worked in a place that had this monstrous machine (a digital photo imager.....the size of a small car) and we would play "fart in one of the front intake fans and guess which extractor fan at the back it would come out of" It could be different depending on what the machine was doing at the time, so it was quite an interesting game.
My worst fart experience was when I was working retail. I had a massive one building up but was ringing somebody up at the register (I was standing) and couldn't sneak it out because I could tell it was a real growler. I clenched as hard as I could but it was just too voluminous. Because of the insane clenching it came out as the worst "squeaker" you've ever heard - I swear it lasted 5 seconds or more. However, because it was just so weird sounding I improvised superbly - I forced a look of extreme puzzlement on my face and looked down at "whatever" under the desk, as if it was the computer or some other contraption that was acting-up and making weird noises. I think I may even have kicked at something down there and muttered "weird"
The customers didn't say anything, or give me any weird looks, so either they bought it or were just very polite!
It could be different depending on what the machine was doing at the time, so it was quite an interesting game.My worst fart experience was when I was working retail. I had a massive one building up but was ringing somebody up at the register (I was standing) and couldn't sneak it out because I could tell it was a real growler. I clenched as hard as I could but it was just too voluminous. Because of the insane clenching it came out as the worst "squeaker" you've ever heard - I swear it lasted 5 seconds or more. However, because it was just so weird sounding I improvised superbly - I forced a look of extreme puzzlement on my face and looked down at "whatever" under the desk, as if it was the computer or some other contraption that was acting-up and making weird noises. I think I may even have kicked at something down there and muttered "weird"
The customers didn't say anything, or give me any weird looks, so either they bought it or were just very polite!Im the same, i posess the capability to hold it in until out in the open/toilet etc so i do that. Why would i want to inhale someone elses ****?
If its just me i dont care, i just find it offensive when other people do it in public areas. I get it worse than most as well. I can spend the majority of my day in a small mess with 12 other people with very poor ventillation, the place can get stunk out for hours
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Im quite surprised no one has even said "Yesss thats the best way to sneak farts out of an office" to my post earlier?
Its clearly the easiest solution, you dont have to walk, you dont have to touch anyone, you dont have to shoot and scoot, you could even "disguise" it and pretend your bending down to pick up a pen
Its like a fart vacuum cleaner if there ever was such a thing
Its clearly the easiest solution, you dont have to walk, you dont have to touch anyone, you dont have to shoot and scoot, you could even "disguise" it and pretend your bending down to pick up a pen
Its like a fart vacuum cleaner if there ever was such a thing
