One liners

Dark Light · 15 Jan 2017 at 22:18

I like my woman as I like my wine... 7 years old and locked in the basement.

VTR · 15 Jan 2017 at 22:18

Dwarf shortage.

VTR · 15 Jan 2017 at 22:19

Stationary store moves.

pieman109 · 16 Jan 2017 at 00:54

I'm not afraid of death....I just don't want to be there when it happens

JoJay · 16 Jan 2017 at 01:40

We had to close our family run chip shop early last night due to a take away war going on,my Dad got battered in a fight at work.

robfosters · 16 Jan 2017 at 01:56

Spunkey said:
Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.

STOP STEALING MY JOKES :mad:

robfosters · 16 Jan 2017 at 01:57

My local ice cream man was found dead and covered in nuts, strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands. Police reckon he topped himself.

Sliver · 16 Jan 2017 at 04:10

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

nick.lidgett · 16 Jan 2017 at 07:38

It was until i deleted it !-schizo

Schizo · 16 Jan 2017 at 07:41

antijoke said:
At first I thought I could handle being a police detective who is suffering from schizophrenia. But now I'm starting to question myself?

I do that all the time

Schizo · 16 Jan 2017 at 07:48

Stop the bickering and keep the thread on track please.

Spuj · 16 Jan 2017 at 07:53

I don't get why my girlfriend always starts conversations with ''Are you even listening to me?''

nick.lidgett · 16 Jan 2017 at 08:58

A rescue cat is like recycled toilet paper. Good for the planet, but scratchy

KiwiTaff · 16 Jan 2017 at 08:59

I love a good one liner. The best ones are delivered in a passive aggressive manner.

Whilst in the Falklands I passed a commissioned officer, who wasn't wearing uniform. I barely even knew the guy.

As i didn't salute he gave me a pretty decent "telling off" in front of a group of other Army junior ranks. (Who also didn't salute)

His parting phrase was "Don't we salute Army officers in the Air force, Airman?"

To which my rebuttal was "Of course not sir, we have Air force officers in the Air force. You're the first Army Officer In the Air force I've come across."

He wasn't happy.

Felon · 16 Jan 2017 at 09:07

They say, "you are what you eat" I must be a **** then

Sankari · 16 Jan 2017 at 09:40

Devrij said:
Can we at least have them in the walking dead rick and Carl meme?

MookJong · 16 Jan 2017 at 09:43

If you don't know what E.T. is short for, it's because he only has little legs.

HecFam · 16 Jan 2017 at 10:21

I accidentally swallowed 8 scrabble tiles yesterday, my next poo could spell disaster.

Duke · 16 Jan 2017 at 10:46

Hairdressing.. it's a growing industry.

I went to the Opticians but he couldn't see me.

JoJay · 16 Jan 2017 at 12:57

I invited some friends to my BBQ firework party, Jenny said she can't go but her sister Catherine wheel, Bonny fell in the fire and the dog ran off with a banger, Jack thought the display was a cracker.