Overs 40's : Are you Happy with your lot?

DrToffnar · 25 Jul 2017 at 14:29

I think saying it's selfish (regardless of what definition your using...) is a bit silly tbf. My family is plagued with degenerative illnesses, both physical and mental, stretching back as far as any living relative can remember. Is it selfish of me to not want to pass those on to someone else? I'll be the first to admit that this certainly isn't the only reason as to why I will never have kids, but it's certainly a large contributing factor.

gandhi · 25 Jul 2017 at 14:40

I'm 43.

No Mortgage

No Wife

No Kids

No Debt

No Responsibility other than keeping myself housed and fed.

And definitely no regrets.

Dirk Diggler · 25 Jul 2017 at 15:35

DrToffnar said:
I think saying it's selfish (regardless of what definition your using...) is a bit silly tbf. My family is plagued with degenerative illnesses, both physical and mental, stretching back as far as any living relative can remember. Is it selfish of me to not want to pass those on to someone else? I'll be the first to admit that this certainly isn't the only reason as to why I will never have kids, but it's certainly a large contributing factor.

No, if you re-read my posts you will see that the selfish aspect was in relation to people choosing travelling and prosperity over children. I've pointed this out on more than one occasion.

Choosing not to have children because of hereditary illness can hardly be deemed selfish, as the decision is clearly based on the quality of life that child would have. Some people crack on and have kids regardless, some don't. Again, it's not for me to judge.

DrToffnar · 25 Jul 2017 at 15:39

String said:
No, if you re-read my posts you will see that the selfish aspect was in relation to people choosing travelling and prosperity over children. I've pointed this out on more than one occasion.

Choosing not to have children because of hereditary illness can hardly be deemed selfish, as the decision is clearly based on the quality of life that child would have. Some people crack on and have kids regardless, some don't. Again, it's not for me to judge.

Ahh apologies! Jumped the gun a tad there.

V F · 25 Jul 2017 at 15:40

String said:
No, if you re-read my posts you will see that the selfish aspect was in relation to people choosing travelling and prosperity over children. I've pointed this out on more than one occasion.

Why does it matter if they have children or not? Is there a life book that lists these guidelines...

Dirk Diggler · 25 Jul 2017 at 16:01

V F said:
Why does it matter if they have children or not?

It doesn't. I merely said it was a decision based on one's self i.e. selfish. At no point did I, or have I said that it matters nor have I said whether it's right or wrong.

The point is that some may live to regret it, and some may not. And by the time you've worked it out one way or the other, chances are it's too late to do anything about it. This is a thread about life in your 40's and whether you are happy with how things have turned out.

NewGamer11 · 25 Jul 2017 at 18:13

gandhi said:
I'm 43.

No Mortgage

No Wife

No Kids

No Debt

No Responsibility other than keeping myself housed and fed.

And definitely no regrets.

Love it, that's what I'm working towards now. Early 30s here.

V F · 25 Jul 2017 at 19:17

Shame no mansion in there though.

purplesky · 25 Jul 2017 at 21:26

gandhi said:
I'm 43.

No Mortgage

No Wife

No Kids

No Debt

No Responsibility other than keeping myself housed and fed.

And definitely no regrets.

Yeah it's definitely the way to go these days. Women are more trouble than they're worth, and whilst I currently live with my GF, I am definitely not marrying and having kids. If it wasn't for the fact that my mortgage is all paid off, have no debts and have significant savings and assets, i'd definitely live on my own. Far cheaper for one.

Em3bbs · 25 Jul 2017 at 21:36

String said:
It doesn't. I merely said it was a decision based on one's self i.e. selfish. At no point did I, or have I said that it matters nor have I said whether it's right or wrong.

You took a choice to have children in order to enrich your own life surely, how is that any different? Why are you less selfish for doing what suited your narrative compared to those who don't have children and instead decide to concentrate their limited time on this earth on something else?

AndyCr15 · 25 Jul 2017 at 21:52

purplesky said:
Yeah it's definitely the way to go these days.

Should I assume this is based on having paid the mortgage in full? Otherwise, definitely I would go for mortgage over renting.

purplesky · 25 Jul 2017 at 22:30

AndyCr15 said:
Should I assume this is based on having paid the mortgage in full? Otherwise, definitely I would go for mortgage over renting.

I fully paid off my mortgage long before my GF moved in. If the mortgage wasn't paid, I would definitely still be single. Mortgage + women aren't cheap.

The_Abyss · 25 Jul 2017 at 22:42

44 and mostly loving it. A few more aches and pains that seem to last longer these days though. House is paid off and looking for a holiday home, as both myself and my wife are fortunate enough to have well paid jobs. The downside is that the hours are long and the responsibilities high. The next 10 years are likely to see my peak earning potential, so I'm prioritising saving and helping my 17 year old son get started, as it seems virtually impossible for 99% of teenagers today to start out in life the same way I was able to.

easyrider · 26 Jul 2017 at 00:04

leave the kids no kids debate to somewhere else

Everyone is on their own journey.

DarrenM343 · 26 Jul 2017 at 12:42

String said:
No, if you re-read my posts you will see that the selfish aspect was in relation to people choosing travelling and prosperity over children. I've pointed this out on more than one occasion.

Choosing not to have children because of hereditary illness can hardly be deemed selfish, as the decision is clearly based on the quality of life that child would have. Some people crack on and have kids regardless, some don't. Again, it's not for me to judge.

Not sure those who choose travelling and prosperity over children is selfish either? I personally don't always think it's a good world to bring kids up in and therefore think it's rather unselfish to not want to bring kids into this world. It's overpopulated already. I'd also want the very best for my kids too, another unselfish thought. Always wanted the most stability for kids, my career doesn't bring that. SOme want kids for the hell of it, some want kids when they don't have the finances to bring them up properly.
True that I've never wanted to work until old age, but is it really that selfish? Some folks are killing themselves doing jobs they hate. I like my line of work but I dunno, if I knew I had to work to 65-68 to make ends meet, to bring up the kids, it would be a bit depressing. What happens if you get ill?

old gamer · 26 Jul 2017 at 13:07

i chose not to have children, never thought of myself being selfish, when i was younger i thought one day the urge to have kids will come but never did

easyrider · 26 Jul 2017 at 13:56

Most couples don't plan for kids...40 percent of marriages fail...All this love nonsense is contrived....

The IPB · 26 Jul 2017 at 15:44

I planned for my kids, 2 of them at least

marriage is going strong 8 years in and I've been in love since i was 19.

I'm happy to be an outlier though.

Uther · 26 Jul 2017 at 15:54

52, married for 24 years, and we were together for 5 years before that! One (grown up) kid, no debts. My life has flown by, and I have very few regrets.
What would I have done differently? Emigrated decades ago.

glenimp617 · 26 Jul 2017 at 15:55

38

Big house = Big Mortgage
Big car = Big car loan
Kids
Mrs
Debts
Small pension

STRESSED AND DEPRESSED!

I'm living the life over here guys lol

Now the big question is, if I had a time machine what would I change? Nothing, the kids change everything. Would I go back in time and tell myself to do something else.....well, that would mean my kids wouldn't be....so Nope!