Paying for your own meal at a wedding?

[OpenToSuggestions]

Hey all.
I have been invited to a wedding in September. The invite was in June.
Today I get a message with bank details asking me to transfer money for the wedding meal.
Between them they earn around £60k.
My intent was to put some money in a wedding card.

Have you ever been asked to pay for your own wedding meal?

 

[Caged]

Lol no

 

[peterattheboro]

No.

 

[OhEsEcks]

Nope.

 

[Glaucus]

I don't see the issue with this. Unless it wasn't in the invite. What they earn isn't about how much spare money they have and that's not a large amount anyway.

 

[chipperhead]

wtf no

 

[OpenToSuggestions]

I don't see the issue with this. Unless it wasn't in the invite. What they earn isn't about how much spare money they have and that's not a large amount anyway.

The invite was only via instant message (everyone was asked this way).
No it was not in the invite.

You are right it is not about how much they earn, I am just thinking 'eh what?'.

 

[Caged]

You can't invite someone to a wedding, let them RSVP and then ask for them to pay for the meal a couple of weeks before.

Weddings are expensive, if you can't afford a big ceremony then don't have one. But you definitely don't ask for your guests to help cover it.

 

[Qitarah]

LOL that is ridiculous. Two peoples wedding is suppose to be at THEIR expense, not at everyone Else's.

I even thinking making bridesmaids pay for dresses as well as bestmen having pay for rental suits if there is some specific want/theme/whatever is cheeky.

 

[dowie]

free bar/free bar for wine+beer only/not free bar is one thing

inviting people to a celebration including a meal, which will be served up at a premium price - then expecting them to pay for it themselves? tis a bit odd

presumably they're not expecting a gift as well then?

if they're on a budget then there are better ways to arrange a wedding than requesting the guests all pay for a meal

 

[Surfer]

how much are they asking you to pay for the meal?

 

[Caged]

Also let's not forget that some weddings may require people to get time off work, incur travel expenses, hotel bills etc. and then the gift. Wedding guests for the most part are definitely not freeloaders.

 

[Glaucus]

LOL that is ridiculous. Two peoples wedding is suppose to be at THEIR expense, not at everyone Else's.

I even thinking making bridesmaids pay for dresses as well as bestmen having pay for rental suits if there is some specific want/theme/whatever is cheeky.

Why is it supposed to be. Can be anything they want. Upto you decide if you want to pay it or not. Stiff tradition. Who wants to waste 15k on a single day.

 

[Caged]

Nobody is forced to have a wedding. But they should accept that there are certain costs associated with having one, and be aware of who usually covers those.

I was asked to pay for the suit hire at a wedding about a month ago, out of the 5 or so weddings where I have been a member of the wedding party it was the first time. And only happened after the day via a text message. Fortunately it wasn't an issue financially, but nobody likes to be told they owe someone money for something that they had never even had a chance to disagree to.

 

[tlrBeta]

It's a little odd but how much money are we talking? It sounds very informal either way.

That said, if they were good friends, I would probably go and the gift would be greatly reduced / be a drink from the bar.

 

[Iammakka]

Never have I been asked nor expect this to ever be asked.

 

[dowie]

Why is it supposed to be. Can be anything they want. Upto you decide if you want to pay it or not. Stiff tradition. Who wants to waste 15k on a single day.

if they don't want to spend 15k then perhaps they should be foregoing the meal instead of dropping the cost on their friends unexpectedly after they've already RSVP'd

have a low cost buffet in the church/village hall etc.. for example

no need to lumber a bunch of guests with an extra charge after they've RSVP'd and presumably paid out for trains, hotels etc..

 

[D.P.]

Not really appropriate IMO.

The norm is simply to ask for cash instead of presents so you can then pay off your wedding debts, pay for honeymoon, etc., without getting stranded with some useless electric fondue set of chocoate fountain.

 

[kkelly]

Are they both British?, in Spain you can be asked to pay for the meal

 

[Showboat]

Have you confirmed the message is genuine and not some scammer ?