Post your past or recent Chav Stories...

[Richdog]

I was in the UK near Brummyland for a visit the other day and was walking with an American colleague and no sooner had a bunch of local scrotes heard his accent than they started verbally abusing him as we walked off into the distance.

While this is but a mild and brief encounter with Chavdom, it got me thinking that you guys must have some good chav encounter stories that will give me a chuckle/groan/wince on a quiet evening at home.

So ladies and gents, anyone got any past of recent stories to share?

 

[Richdog]

Glanced over someone's wall once. Got shouted at for looking at his weed plants or something, then got chased by him and his fat rottweilers.

Why the chuff were you climbing someones wall to look over it?

My missus asked one of the girls who lives a few doors away if her baby brother goes with her and her sister when they visit their dad on a weekend.

"No, we're not sure if he's got the same dad or if his dad is our grandad."

This made me lol.

u wanna come n live where I am,its full of them

drinking cans of beer in the back garden listening to trance music,they always seem to own ugly Staffordshire bull terriers aswell

If chavs were listening to it, then I doubt it was trance.

I once seen a spide (Northern Irish chav) finger a dog (a springer spaniel called Jill) in exchange for 3 Regal Filter.

I so want to believe this...

I spent 4 years of my life living in Hull.

Hull. One vowel away from Hell...

Really? I've just looked at the top definition of a keyboard warrior on urban dictionary and I think that everyone who knows me in real life (and there are a lot of those on here) will say that I'm exactly the same here as I am in person. That description really doesn't fit me at all.

My point was that this sort of thread always brings out posters who claim to have committed massive acts of violence on other people. Nobody knows whether they're true or not and as this is generally a forum frequented by computer enthusiasts, those posts are normally taken with a massive pinch of salt and an "oh look, another keyboard warrior" sort of attitude.

To be fair, as well as the inevitable weenie nerds I think there also are ton of regular mens men on this forum who just happen to like computers...

 

[Richdog]

One more memorable moment was coming back from Canterbury at about 8pm and the bus HAD to stop at Elvington (it's the route) just wondered what the hell was gonna happen, bit nervous as always mind.. sat there for 10 minutes fine, then 20ish guys in balaclavas stormed the bus, did the windows, pulled the emergency engine stop so everything shut down and threw live chickens on the bus...

W... T... F...?

 

[Richdog]

It's a slow Friday guys... any more stories of late?

 

[Richdog]

Living in a place called Lancing, I have a couple of stories...

Once I walked past somebodies house on the pavement, and someone in the garden shouted "ARE YOU LOOKING IN MY GARDEN?" I said "No, I was just walking by" and he then said "Gooooooood..." in an incredibly creepy way... About 10 seconds later I hear something behind me so turn around, and he is chasing me with two rotties on leads. So I legged it!

Another time I was sitting at the bottom of the footbridge near my school at the time, having a conversation with my friend. Someone cycled past, caught a bit of our conversation which wasn't aimed at him at all (obviously), and he shouted the cliche "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MUM?" dropped his bike, and pulled a knife out. A big kitchen knife. Me and my friend legged it over the other side of the bridge, and he proceeded to pace about on the other side of the road, hurling abuse through the fence... We walked off.

Another time someone tried to mug me, armed only with a sharp flint... They wanted my phone... I being a silly 15 year old at the time, threw the phone past them, booted them in the nads, and then ran past them, picked up the phone, and legged it... If it were now, I would probably have just taken the sim out and handed it over. Not worth the risk!

There have been a couple of times when I have been "laired up" by drunk chavs, but it is all empty talk and it is quite easy to talk down a drunk chav and persuade him or her that you are a mate.

Someone once followed me almost back to my house late at night, I kept crossing the road to make sure he was following me, and he kept crossing the road too... He started to get a bit closer so I think I ran to some random house or something, I can't quite remember!

My friend once got threatened with rape near the local train station by some old guy and another younger guy. He strolled off and they didn't persue him.

I have heard tell of someone being attacked with a block of wood with nails sticking out of it before, apparently the guy was in an induced coma. That was years ago though, not sure of his fate...

My friend who lives on one of the dodgiest roads once witnessed people throwing bricks at a car as it drove past, breaking the windows, and then dragging out its occupants. Allegedly it was a rival "gang" or something.

There was a blood stain from a bad hit and run near the station for months because nobody could clean it out of the road properly...

A friend and I were walking down the road near where I used to live, he was a bit hyper, and shouted "HELLO!" at a Ford Ka as it drove past. The driver slammed on the brakes, performed an aggressive three point turn which almost saw him into a stone wall, and then accelerated at my friend who had to run up the road and hide behind a van.

Thankfully the most recent of these was about 3 years ago, and I have a car now so don't have the need to walk through the dodgier bits of town to get to the train station!

Awesome, yet scary.

 

[Richdog]

I was at a bar in my home town of Huntingdon a few years back, walked in and got served pretty much straight away (slow night). Turned out there was another guy waiting to be served before me and he took exception. He said something to me at the bar, but it was quite loud so I assumed he was just making conversation. He spent the night staring at me menacingly.

The really weird thing is that periodically he'd come up to me and threaten me, but he'd do it in the form of improvised rap. Very surreal.

LOL... I genuinely love these stories.

 

[Richdog]

"Id have taken the Sim out and handed it over"

That comment actually made me spray coffee. Classic!

I'm not sure he was intending that part to be a "joke".

 

[Richdog]

He even said "its not worth the risk".

Its comedy gold.

Getting mugged at knife point is risky, but its still worth getting that sim card out.

It actually has me in tears.

Okayyyyy...

 

[Richdog]

I had a lucky escape, because the same group ended up doing this to somebody down my road just 2 years later.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...ilys-agony-hounded-father-shot-dead-home.html

Holy crud, that's heavy. Just goes to show what mindless animals are around.

 

[Richdog]

I was in a KFC many many moons ago with a couple of mates, waiting for our order. In strutted a chav, about 16 I guess, in his tracksuit with one leg tucked in his socks - apparently signifying his "gang" affiliation, whilst talking loudly into his mobile phone. He was saying stuff along the lines of "Yeah, I did him in", "Yeah, there was 4 of them", "Yeah, even pulled a knife on me".

It all sounded very intense and, to be fair, he was pulling in quite a crowd of eavesdroppers (a fair few young ladies were in there too), and he appeared to be quite the hard man....

....until his phone rang.

He walked straight out!

L.M.A.O.

 

[Richdog]

First flat I had at uni was in a high rise block on a council estate, it was a lot cheaper than student digs and I basically had a 2 bedroom flat to myself which had it's advantages, computer/games room being one of them, spare room for friends to crash if needs be etc. It wasn't that bad as the local housing team had the sense to put me in the one with a 24/7 concierge on site which made our block quite quiet compared to the other two, in hind sight when they gave me 3 sets of key's and said 'pick one' I should have probably thought something wasn't right, but I was young and naive. This isn't to rubbish council estates, but if you imagine almost every single stereotype that's probably getting quite close. Particular highlights include but are not limited to:

The estate pub - it was suggested by someone who was later arrested for murder that it probably wasn't a good place to drink, the police eventually shut it down but not before nightly running battles took place in/around it. It's the first (and last) time i've seen police vans with riot screens deployed regularly driving round and police cars get bricked regularly.

You could see the Police Station/court from the block, it was only a 5 minute walk, you'd often see people presumably late to report to answer bail rushing up the road to reception or to the court.

The only person of obvious non white ethnicity had his home petrol bombed by chav's because he was different. He'd lived in the place for years and never bothered anyone.

The first night I moved in someone was cut from his groin to his belly button over a dispute about less than a fiver, my parents arrived later that afternoon to drop some of my stuff off to find the exterior entrance being scrubbed down and commented how nice it was that they made the effort to keep it clean. I didn't have the heart to tell them the truth.

The council chose to house a number of refugees from Bosnia/Kosovo in the blocks after the neighboring council had issues and protests that resulted in violence while doing so, they understandably had difficulty fitting in, but rarely caused any grief or disturbed anyone. That was until one found out his family had been massacred, he tragically decided to take a short trip off the 15th floor balcony and managed to hit the only solid object for 500m which was the access chamber for telephone and power. The local chav's played 'I believe I can fly' on loop for hours loudly.

A friend was asleep in bed with his pregnant other half and hears a loud knock at the door, he gets up and finds a chav with a machete telling him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't keep the ****ing noise down he'll be getting a much closer look at the machete, slightly taken back and half asleep my friend points out he was in bed asleep, the chav offers his apologies politely and walks down to the next door to repeat the process.

At one point the armed response units were called in after some of the local residents decided they weren't keen on the local chav's and started taking pot shots at them with air rifles.

Another friend opened his door to find a girl passed out and bleeding out in the hall.

The estate shop used to be a favorite hang out for chav's, they'd linger outside, you walked in and everything was behind the counter area and you had to ask for it. Occasionally you'd get grief walking to/from the shop, i'm 6-4" and at the time had long hair (it was the late 90's/early 00's), that is until the day I went down in my giant Homer Simpson slippers, on that particular evening they parted like the sea for Moses - I don't think many of them had seen slippers before.

I used to joke that the main difference between the estate and Beirut was Beirut had a recognized civil war going on.

After a few years I moved to a nicer up and coming area and purchased my own place, one summers evening i'm sat talking to my wife in the bedroom with the window open, our first born laughing and giggling as we did the usual family stuff that makes a 1 year old laugh. I hear footsteps getting louder as two people walk past, the conversation went like this:

Chavette: 'You still got that £2?'
Chav: 'Yea'
Chavette: 'If you giv it us I'll let you finger me'

My wife looked at me in horror... sadly, I do what i almost always do in such situations and said what i was thinking. 'Don't get any ideas'. Our daughter very nearly witnessed domestic violence that night.

Posts like this are why I love threads like this. Horrifying yet utterly fascinating.

And women who get raped should be blamed for it because they were wearing short skirts right?

It's clear what he means... why make yourself a target when you know chavs will hone in on you? To not cover up for 5 minutes while you get through makes no sense.

 

[Richdog]

Back in the day, I used to take night-time walks around Manchester. Like all great conurbations, it has its underbelly and rough areas. So I'd occasionally pass a scene or two. Mostly drunken student drama but, now and again, I saw ladies of the night attracting the wrong sort of clientele, who always took great exception to being refused services. Working girls would take none of it, however. I'd never seen handbags and heels deployed with such viciousness and precision! They knew how to defend themselves, the precariat clearly didn't... What followed could best be described as a bloody Rocky Horror Picture Show cast in Mancunian slang.

I also had the great joy of living on the fringes of Moss Side for a time (look it up). It's cheap but utterly bizarre. Went out for some milk once. Got to the shops, and realised I left my wallet at home. Had to go back. Housemates were having a movie night, so I forgot all about my dairy needs. In the morning, a policeman was knocking on doors in our street. Figures five minutes after I'd left, some young thugette robbed the local newsagents I went to, and badly stabbed the owner -- yikes! What charming youngsters! Trips to the nearest supermarket were dicey too. I never had any trouble, but friends got held up at knife point under ‘The Bridge of Tears’ on several occasions.

Particular bus rides could also turn ugly. Again, late services with one or two regular commuters on. What made them hardcore was the zombie horde from the local hell estate high on acid, chasing and bricking the bus approaching a stop when they had nothing better to do. I guess for them it was entertainment or some weird competitive sport.

Sometimes these 'revellers' would get on... I died inside every time, as fun chats about what I was reading would surely follow. Ever tried explaining Lakan or a normed vector space under a threat of defecation upon one’s laptop to an audience lost in their own private wonderland? Thrilling stuff. Though some of the very violent lot got done in for attacking a driver, and things got a little better for a while. Can't really say how things are now, as I haven't been back in a long while.

And who could forget the ice cream van in the middle of winter!

‘What are you doing out in Jan?’
‘Dealing!’
-_-;
‘Dealing in what?’
‘Happiness!’ *manic laughter*

The guy played cool tunes though.

My adventures in neighbouring Rochdale visiting friends would require a separate wiki-sized entry. Ahh, to be young again!

The worst I ever got down south was a local JCP badboy trying to sell me an iPhone. Possibly stolen. I had to look up ‘bossman’ on urban dictionary afterwards.

I like. Please share a couple of Rochdale tales, good sir!

 

[Richdog]

Good stories guys, thread is delivering!

My lost years. As I said, I could be here a while... Got slapped and sucker-punched from the back a few times. There are real nasty critters out there, but most of them can't take a punch. Never lost any possessions to them. Then again, other than the Lydz incident, I was fortunate not to be threatened with or end up at the other end of a knife.

Wow, you're like the Attenbrough of Chavdom! If you think of any more stories post them, its very entertaining.

I don't understand all the hate for chavs really.
I deliver food for a living, and chavs are by far the biggest tippers.
They actually go out their way to hand over £2 or more, unlike all the tight arse uni students who hold their hands out for their 1p change.

So lets get this straight, you don't understand the hate for violent, anti-social chavs because they give you a £2 tip? Erm. Right.

 

[Richdog]

Well guys it's a slow wet Sunday. .. any more for any more?

 

[Richdog]

Alas, the EU banter took over my life. Otherwise it's fairly quiet, though a Salford or Wolverhampton run may be on the cards now. We shall see...

I passed through Wolverhampton today on the train... man that place is run down...

 

[Richdog]

I never said I was surprised. I'm surprised they picked that spot though as it was only a matter of time before somebody reported them.

Like I said I didn't mind the weed, it was sitting there staring down anyone who walked past and generally trying to intimidate. They weren't kids..

Good man, I'm sure they'll think twice before loitering there now.

 

[Richdog]

Not really a story, but my mum and her partner went to a place called the Crook Log in Bexleyheath for a carvery today. It's always been a nice place. Decent clientèle and relaxing atmos. She said its become a hive of chav activity. Baseball caps, constant loud swearing and screaming kids galore.

Sad when places end up like this. Can't these people just act normal and civilised instead of making everyone else miserable.

Yeah, I have never seen a more obnoxious or badly behaved set of supposedly "working class" anywhere I've been in Europe. Our chav element have almost zero basic decorum, decency, or respect for others.

There is no such thing as "trying to intimidate". You either felt intimidated or you didn't because intimidation is subjective, you cant deflect/externalise/project an internal emotional response.

I've been in situations involving hardened gangsters, so to me and most other men, finding a measly "chav" intimidating just from their gaze is comedy gold

No, you are comedy gold. I mean seriously... you're like a 15-year old in a schoolground. Hilarious post, and probably worthy of a sig quote.

 

[Richdog]

Heh, wish there was video footage of all this stuff.

 

[Richdog]

Good afternoon ladies and gents. It is that time again, Friday, and it has been a while since I bumped this to hear some fresh chav-based hilarity.

Come on, please give us a laugh (or cry) tell us of any recent or historical encounters.

 

[Richdog]

I like how it's still socially acceptable to single out white poorly educated males to hate on, I'll go start a hate thread on middle aged women I think

Sure, you go do that and let us know how it works out for you.