Problem were I don't want to look uncaring..!! Please help..
- Thread starter iv-tecman
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Which I'm sure he's done, but judging by his mentality to this issue, he wouldn't refuse the doctors advise, and would try to eat as healthily as he could to balance out the lack of exercise. Loads of people eat healthyily as an alternative - I'm having to at the moment due to ligament damage to my knees.
I don't think your being selfish at all. She need's help and she needs it fast. Sounds to me like she's depressed and is using food as a weapon against unhappiness. (Caused by her illness)
She will reach a point where she regrets becoming obese, no doubt about it. Perhaps take a more drastic approach? Speak to her mum/dad? Before and after pictures? Effects of ill health? Heart disease? Not able to do everyday things she used to enjoy?
Did she have a previous hobby before the illness? Obviously she will not be able to do that at the moment but maybe it could be used as something for the future to help her get back on track?
She needs incentives in my opinion. If you love her, help her... she says she doesn't care, but it'll destroy her if it carries on this way.
She will reach a point where she regrets becoming obese, no doubt about it. Perhaps take a more drastic approach? Speak to her mum/dad? Before and after pictures? Effects of ill health? Heart disease? Not able to do everyday things she used to enjoy?
Did she have a previous hobby before the illness? Obviously she will not be able to do that at the moment but maybe it could be used as something for the future to help her get back on track?
She needs incentives in my opinion. If you love her, help her... she says she doesn't care, but it'll destroy her if it carries on this way.
Don't want to sound harsh but my advice would be never to have a GF ever, as it appears you are the judgemental type. Anything appears to be a cause for concern to you - 1 cm too tall, wrong colour shoes, GF suffering from a cold etc. could potentially be further sources of complaint. However, I think you have made the right decision to now offer support.
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That's generalising a little bit dont you think? when i was at the peak of my fitness i was roughly 18.5 stone, and believe me i wasnt fat (infact ive put a bit of chub on since then and i weigh less
)So generalising that 18 stone means massively obese is pretty crappy
Well, I was good to my word and we both went swimming last night. And trust me, she wasn’t anywhere near as big in her new sized swimming cozy then some of the women in that pool last night – trust me.!! And she knew it, so it helped her to keep focused on the job in hand, to get some excercise and have some fun at the same time...
And for the record I am not being judgemental, not of her I was more concerned about her lack of self respect as it was very un-attractive.
And to also let you all know, I can’t actually swim and had to buy some swimming trunks quickly yesterday so as I could join her. And, we spent over an hour in the pool and by the end of it, I was at least able to keep afloat and swim the shallow end of the pool… All round, bit of an achievement….
She also proudly said to me in the pool how she was happy that we’d decided to try and overcome the issue, and how I am learning to swim to help her, so it can’t all be lost….
Although, I got a bit worried when she said ‘I need to trim down, so as I can fit into my wedding dress a few years from now’ then laughed. Erm.. ok, well least it gives her a goal to strive for…. lol
And for the record I am not being judgemental, not of her I was more concerned about her lack of self respect as it was very un-attractive.
And to also let you all know, I can’t actually swim and had to buy some swimming trunks quickly yesterday so as I could join her. And, we spent over an hour in the pool and by the end of it, I was at least able to keep afloat and swim the shallow end of the pool… All round, bit of an achievement….
She also proudly said to me in the pool how she was happy that we’d decided to try and overcome the issue, and how I am learning to swim to help her, so it can’t all be lost….
Although, I got a bit worried when she said ‘I need to trim down, so as I can fit into my wedding dress a few years from now’ then laughed. Erm.. ok, well least it gives her a goal to strive for…. lol
your girl is getting fat and now you wont stick your member in her because you dont fancy her anymore, but you come to a reasoning that your leaving her for HER own good, but really you want to stick your member in other girls now.
sucks to be your girl, i say shes better without such a coward.
sucks to be your girl, i say shes better without such a coward.
I don't think it is too unfair to call someone size 14 'chubby', even though it might not be polite. My girlfriend certainly isn't 'thin', nor fat and she is size 12. Hell, I would describe a man of size 36/38 as chubby, depending on height and other factors obviously.I do slightly object to you using 14 and chubby in the same sentence.
Would you expect her to stand by you if lets say you were in an accident, couldnt exercise anymore, and therefore put weight on? Surely love is about more than just how a person looks? Shes still the same person at the end of the day
You are making this a totally different scenario. The woman in the OP hasn't been involved in a horrible accident and even if she had, that is no reason for anyone to get obese. Love is more about how a person looks, but you can't love someone without being attracted to them. Being fat is mentally and physically repulsive.
What crap. If someone is becoming fat in a relationship to the extent it is becoming a problem, it has to be mentioned and dealt with. If I got fat (I am getting larger due to lack of exercise) then I would fully expect my girlfriend to tell me to get into shape. It would be unreasonable to instantly dump someone without giving them a chance to rectify, but that isn't what the OP has done.
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Yes, its absolutely enormous. If you are used to a girl who is size 10, then 18 is a complete change and most guys [who normally prefer girls around a size 10] would find a size 18 very unattractive.
Thanks all... I'm basically doing all I can, and I'm being very honest. I've been open to her about my feelings, she knows, and this was all more apparent last night that changes need to be made.
Its like I've said, we set a goal of healthy eating as best possible without denying everything... Swimming three times a week - hour each time, some light walking with the dogs and aim to reduce sizes till she reaches what she feels more comfortable with.....
she is actually a very large 18 almost 20 depending, so she has a lot of work to do, and so do I. that sort of weight gain isn't easy to shift, but it can be done. I don't think she'll ever get to size 10 again. she was verging on 12 before the treatments anyhow. size 16 /14 will be enough so show she's done all she can.
I would never 'just' leave her without giving her a chance..... She admitted at the weekend, she can fix this. she is eating less bits n bobs through the day and having two set meals. Fatty food intake is being cut out, and we'll see how it goes....
the good news for me, is that after about a month of me attempting to encourage, getting frustrated, watching her do nothing other then eat and sleep has now turned into a totally different week. But we've still got a long way to go..
Its like I've said, we set a goal of healthy eating as best possible without denying everything... Swimming three times a week - hour each time, some light walking with the dogs and aim to reduce sizes till she reaches what she feels more comfortable with.....
she is actually a very large 18 almost 20 depending, so she has a lot of work to do, and so do I. that sort of weight gain isn't easy to shift, but it can be done. I don't think she'll ever get to size 10 again. she was verging on 12 before the treatments anyhow. size 16 /14 will be enough so show she's done all she can.
I would never 'just' leave her without giving her a chance..... She admitted at the weekend, she can fix this. she is eating less bits n bobs through the day and having two set meals. Fatty food intake is being cut out, and we'll see how it goes....
the good news for me, is that after about a month of me attempting to encourage, getting frustrated, watching her do nothing other then eat and sleep has now turned into a totally different week. But we've still got a long way to go..
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Good for you
You are indeed in a very difficult situation there.
I found myself in the same one about 2 years ago. I met this girl, she was stunning, toned and very athletic, then she found uni. I didn't see her much as i worked flat out during the week so travelled up to see her on the weekends. After about a month, i started noticing that she was putting on weight, she also went from a size 10 to around a size 18 in about 8 months.
I don't care what any man says, 50% of a decently relationship has to be down to your physical attraction to the other person.
I blame student life and junk food for her weight increase though.
Its hard to give advice on your situation as she isnt 100% to blame for this. Although she should heed advice and eat healthily and do abit of swimming like you suggested. I would say a good sit down chat, with some home hitting truths might get her thinking from a different perspective. If it doesnt, then you need to think about yourself, because at the moment, shes only thinking about herself.
I found myself in the same one about 2 years ago. I met this girl, she was stunning, toned and very athletic, then she found uni. I didn't see her much as i worked flat out during the week so travelled up to see her on the weekends. After about a month, i started noticing that she was putting on weight, she also went from a size 10 to around a size 18 in about 8 months.
I don't care what any man says, 50% of a decently relationship has to be down to your physical attraction to the other person.
I blame student life and junk food for her weight increase though.
Its hard to give advice on your situation as she isnt 100% to blame for this. Although she should heed advice and eat healthily and do abit of swimming like you suggested. I would say a good sit down chat, with some home hitting truths might get her thinking from a different perspective. If it doesnt, then you need to think about yourself, because at the moment, shes only thinking about herself.
The way you feel about somebody and their personality is the cornerstone of any relationship but to say physical appearance is irrelevent is simply nonsensical. You HAVE to be physically attracted to somebody to add that certain something to a relationship. Every time I see my girlfriend I find myself thinking she looks awesome. Without this would there be a relationship? Probably, as I adore her as a person, but would it be as good? I'm not so sure.