Problem were I don't want to look uncaring..!! Please help..

It's a hard thing when you're in a relationship and this happens, you have feelings for the other person.

If someone repulses you physically you don't really end up with them, if they are attractive then you find out if their personality works.

But seriously, If someone liked me for my looks and personality and then one of those went and I turned into a fat slob, I wouldn't blame them.

But your circumstances are quite different and difficult :(
 
Not sure how she's using the steroids excuse as a sole reason for her putting on weight. I've been on medical steroids now for 3 months and was told at the start to expect to put on a few stone :eek: What I've found is that they give you cravings for chocolate and everything unhealthly. If you give in to the craving then nom nom nom you eat till you feel sick!

I stopped buying chocolate and unhealthy food so it's not available in the house. Had the consultant meeting the other week and they always weigh you. I've actually LOST 2lb and didnt gain any weight! If I had continued eating like I did in the first couple of weeks then 3 months later I would have indeed put a few stone on as they predicted. It's all about self control though I've found. Don't buy the food in the first place and you won't be able to give into the cravings. Simple as that really. The fat has to come from somewhere and it doesnt come from thin air.

I'm the opposite of your GF though. I noticed that my GF when I was diagnosed started to get annoyed with me not being able to do anything but wouldnt admit it. I ended up breaking up with her as I knew if it got any worse she'd do a runner anyway. Turns out she was talking to her ex anyway so I got out just in time as she cheated on me with him a year ago and swore she'd never speak to him again. I'm feeling loads better now so it's all good anyway and it's her loss for being so selfish :) So what I'm saying is, give her a chance if you can as in a few months she could be back to a size 10 and doing a lot better then you'll kick yourself. My ex is now desperately trying to get back with me as suprise suprise it didnt work out with the other guy when she got with him. I refuse to even speak to her after it all.
 
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Tough call.

My wife has gone up and down the dress size scale* why we've been together and I've had times when I was starting to find her somewhat less atractive than normal. However we've been together nine years so I'm not going to bail out at the first dress size change.

However, you haven't been with her long so you are going to have to make a tougher call. I do think you should support her (can she cycle as that has less stimgma as you don't need to wear a swim suit) and talk to her.

She probably feels like crap and perhaps needs a bit of support. After you've talked and if she still doesn't seem to care then you have to make the call.

It ain't easy for you but given todays size stigmas it probably isn't easy for her (and you - beeing seen with a big girl?).


* From 12 - 18 stabilising at 14.
 
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LordSplodge said:
Tough call.

My wife has gone up and down the dress size scale* why we've been together and I've had times when I was starting to find her somewhat less atractive than normal. However we've been together nine years so I'm not going to bail out at the first dress size change.

However, you haven't been with her long so you are going to have to make a tougher call. I do think you should support her (can she cycle as that has less stimgma as you don't need to wear a swim suit) and talk to her.

She probably feels like crap and perhaps needs a bit of support. After you've talked and if she still doesn't seem to care then you have to make the call.

It ain't easy for you but given todays size stigmas it probably isn't easy for you.


* From 12 - 18 stabilising at 14.
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That's pretty much all I want. And we have talked, a lot. And we have made a lot of progress, and its all starting to be positive. Like I say, if she makes that effort, and even if she doesn't lose anything as long as a see the effort and the change in attitude - and this has happened this week then I will not quit on her.

I think, and this is me, I have faith that she'll drop to at least a 14, but I feel the belly will never be the same, its well ballooned out. I've never seen it before. Never, from the back you would think she has a size 14 hourglass figure, but at the front, its soooooo puffed out. And it doesn't even wobble, its rock hard. so until it at least goes squashy, she'll not shift it..

Swimming wasn't a problem for her, she admitted the swimsuit was a bit - erm not nice but she said, and I didn't expect this. I'll wear this in public to do something so as we're going to stay together..... and that means a lot. I do think after weeks of me talking, and comments from this thread that I've repeated has changed her aspect on this, and she is shifting her views....

Time will tell....
 
Moley said:
Is her pain management being done by Cortisone injections? Googling the side effects seems to suggest weight gain as a potential long-term side effect.
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Yes, that what the treatments were.... It didn't work as well as she'd hoped for. She admitted this, and has agreed to no more injections. and I DO agree on that, in fact she had a pain nerve block procedure last month, and since this, she has admitted this has worked fantastic, and that used ultra waves to kill nerves..... the injections were a bad idea, and she does feel bad for it, and bitter truth told.
 
Although, I got a bit worried when she said ‘I need to trim down, so as I can fit into my wedding dress a few years from now’ then laughed. Erm.. ok, well least it gives her a goal to strive for…. lol
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run run run run ;)

sounds like you have taken a step forward, nice one :)
 
iv-tecman said:
That's pretty much all I want. And we have talked, a lot. And we have made a lot of progress, and its all starting to be positive. Like I say, if she makes that effort, and even if she doesn't lose anything as long as a see the effort and the change in attitude - and this has happened this week then I will not quit on her.

I think, and this is me, I have faith that she'll drop to at least a 14, but I feel the belly will never be the same, its well ballooned out. I've never seen it before. Never, from the back you would think she has a size 14 hourglass figure, but at the front, its soooooo puffed out. And it doesn't even wobble, its rock hard. so until it at least goes squashy, she'll not shift it..

Swimming wasn't a problem for her, she admitted the swimsuit was a bit - erm not nice but she said, and I didn't expect this. I'll wear this in public to do something so as we're going to stay together..... and that means a lot. I do think after weeks of me talking, and comments from this thread that I've repeated has changed her aspect on this, and she is shifting her views....

Time will tell....
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My wife looks great from the back but just like your girlfriend all the weight she puts on goes to her belly (I believe this is referred to as Apple shape) rather than her bottom or boobs. Bummer.

Looks like you're making progress. Good luck
 
It could have been so easy to just walk away from the whole situation but you've tackled it head on, well done mate and all the best to you and the gf.
 
Few months on, thought I'd report on progress...

Would anyone say this would have been a poor daily intake of food or good?

Day 1

Morning

Weetabix with sprinkle of sugar and warm water, small amount of milk

Lunch

Crumpets with low fat spread (utterly butter) with a small bit of strawberry jam

Dinner

Two chicken and bacon tortilla wraps with salad (lettuce, cucumber, red onion and red peppers with a small bit of grated cheese with only a small amount of side chips)

Drinks

Sugar free orange squash, three teas with two sugar and a small glass of pepsi max with a few glasses of pure apple juice.

Day 2

Morning

Weetabix with sprinkle of sugar and warm water, small amount of milk
Fresh Pears

Lunch

Salad (lettuce, cucumber, red onion and red peppers) with a cheese and ham sandwich (low fat spread - utterly butter)
Bag of Smiths salt and vinegar square crisps

Dinner

Chicken Chow Mien (on its own no rice)

Drinks

Sugar free orange squash, three teas with two sugar and a small glass of pepsi max with a few glasses of pure apple juice.

That’s a couple of days, and the portions are not large. My gf is trying to lose weight and I thought that wasn’t too bad a diet, but I reckon there is room for improvement… Before I mention anything, as she has asked if I thought it was a good diet, thought I’d ask others…

It used to be a diet of –

Breakfast

Grilled Bacon rolls with Butter

Lunch

Maybe skipped, or chocolate bar with crisps or a KFC or junkie food

Dinner

Pizza with chips

No fruit, no salads

Drinks

Tea with three sugars, about 1 – 2 ltr of coke a day no orange or apple drinks…

This was regular and now ‘that’s’ unhealthy I felt…!!

Should also say, sometimes, as she now swims three times a day, wii fit three or four times a week, half hour dog walks three times a day she does found her energy zapped sometimes, as she is overweight, but getting a lot better she does sometimes have an energy drink…. However that’s not being over done or abused.

I reckon that’s quite an improvement, and her choice. And a much better lifestyle… Aims to lose around a pound a week, now dropped to around 16 from almost verging on size 20….
 
Buy her some diet pills? One of my mates takes Estrogen, probably something like Estrin. Though they are probably all just weak speed tablets

Obviously try the proper food diet first and exercise
 
Stitch her lips together while she's asleep :D

Seriously though, good luck, it's not a position I'd like to be in. Good on you for sticking with her and trying to turn things around.
 
weight watchers online is brilliant for tracking intake and is not a prescriptive diet, get her to do that


There is some bad stuiff in that diet above. KFC and pizza with chips, sounds like something a high street bin would eat.
 
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Pestilence said:
At the moment I weigh 17st 2lbs, was 18st 6lbs November last year.

To be honest, considering Base Metabolic Rate etc. I should be wasting away like nobody's business. However, I see this as almost an experiment to throw in the face of all of the "calories in < calories out" brigade, who seem to completely discount the fact that BMR exists, and what ELC diets can do to your metabolism. It's a lot more complicated than that, and I know it - but eating more often and higher cals is something I just can't do - I can't bring myself to eat that much in a day and simply don't have the time or freedom for it either. As I said, for 4 days a week, 11 hours a day (not counting travel) I'm chained to a phone.
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So that is a weight of 1st4lbs in 2 and a half months?

I've lost 1st in the last 4 weeks following the SlimFast diet (between 1000 and 1400 calories per day). I don't think you're going to be throwing anything in the face of the 'calories in < calories out brigade'. It's simple science that your metabolism drops through the floor if you don't eat enough.

Back on topic: I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck. Dieting is a commitment that can be extremely hard to keep.

As a few people have mentioned, WeightWatchers Online and Slimming World are good 'free choice' diets; however, if you prefer being told what to eat you should take a look at SlimFast.
 
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a salad added to a cheese and ham sandwhich and a bag of crips does not make it a diet lunch, it makes it a fairly high fat lunch with a side salad

seriously check out weight watchers online (I've lost almost 2 stone in just over 8 weeks without once feeling hungry or like i've significantly changed my habits)
 
I am no expert, but that doesn't look like the most healthy diet. someone in the sport section will know!


You can lose weight by eating less, ie crumpet for lunch, but it is better to eat a decent amount but healthy stuff.
 
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jamief said:
Sit down and tell her how you feel, in as caring a manner as possible. Relationships are built on honesty and trust, and sometimes telling someone something they might not want to hear.
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this guy has nailed it in one.

The only way to get through this is talk.

Failing that arrange an intervention, get all the people that care about her to talk to her in one room at one time. Its a shock tactic that works wonders. IF she knows people who care about her or people that are close to her are concerned she may change her ways.
 
She is a member of weight watchers, and she hates them… Always telling her off for not eating enough and getting the points. She even has all the books and scales, which cost her a fortune…

She has changed her attitude a lot and the diet is greatly improved. Microwaved scrambled eggs on toast or poached eggs on toast with no mayo or anything, just toast and low fat spread as well as crumpets..

I just gave the last two days eating habits..

The day before she had cornflakes with fruit and milk, lunch consisted of poached eggs on toast (low fat spread) this being two small eggs and dinner was chicken in tomato and pepper sauce with side salad and white rice with a bowl of tomato soup (small portion) with French stick and low fat spread.

She did have a small bit of chocolate cake that day (which was naughty) but you cant not have anything at all..

Drinks were pretty much the same as all other days.

oh its worth knowing, that until six months ago, she would think nothing of downing a large amount of KFC and half a bottle of coke in one sitting.... I've even seen her down a large 10 slice meat feast pizza till recently... I had a pizza a few weeks ago, a large pizza and she had two slices and complained she was stuffed and felt fat..!! eck..!!

women eh? Was horrified with Wii fit called her obese... Even I didn't think she looked all that bad anymore. She is looking way fitter now, then she did six months ago, hate to think what Wii fit would have called her back then..
 
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iv-tecman said:
She is a member of weight watchers, and she hates them… Always telling her off for not eating enough and getting the points. .
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that's a good reason for her to switch to online - nobody to tell you off, you just use their tools.

and obsese just means over 30 bmi index, which doesn't necessarily mean you look like a total mess 25-30 is pre-obese but someone at 26 wouldn't look big at all
 
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