Problem With Upstairs Neighbours Young Child
- Thread starter Ben3991
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Soldato
Sorry, just going to quote this because people keep trying to twist this in to an argument about screaming infants.
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Soldato
Can you not try the Russian approach? Drill a small hole into their floor and pump in some aerosolised synthetic opioids?
He didn't say they were chavscum because they were on housing benefits. He said they were a horrid chavsum family and they were on housing benefits.
Subtle difference.
Associate
Although not quite the same problem I'm having issues in my first property I've bought.
I moved from a rented property in the city to get away from the loud parties and general noise of the city. I bought a 1900 terrace and naively presumed the walls would be thicker. Big mistake (now learnt) as the walls are like paper and I can hear everything. Even worse is that both sides are occupied by young families which both had 2 year olds when I moved in, now they both have had another child.
One side I get along with great as they are very respectful and try their best to keep noise to the minimum. Having a 6 year old myself I understand the frustration of tantrums and controlling a child. The key to this is respect which the other side seems to lack. The child is like a demon and has regular tantrums which I know is hard to control and remain calm with. The problem is with how they talk to the child, scream at it, do not give it regular bed times (one night its 7pm then its 10:30pm when they get in) also staying in bed till noon and shouting at your child to go back to bed all exacerbates this problem. They seem to be on the uneducated side and always talk loudley in the same dreary voice. Also shouting from downstairs to upstairs shows a lack of respect to neighbors both sides.
Unfortunately I can hear all this and can't help but become accustomed to listening and knowing their habits. For me its a major let down and partly my own fault but on 3 viewings the property was quiet so what else could I have done. I also have anxiety issues with sensitivity to noise so yeh I'm pretty ****ed at the situation.
It's been 14 months now, the property needed no work and is in a good sought after area so not long until I can look to jumping somewhere else.
Personally I get frustrated that we have to listen to other peoples lives, especially those that show a lack of respect which is key to me and my level of stress. The only safe option is a detached eventually which I hopefully will get to. I sometimes feel extremely unlucky but I know there is worse and it goes on everywhere. For now filling the house with radio, tv and ambient noise apps on my phone has really helped especially with sleep while screaming babies are going off.
Good to get this off my chest even though offering no advice, its crazy that living with such noise is just accepted as part of life (tolerating the noise of other people's lives, perfect world...)
I moved from a rented property in the city to get away from the loud parties and general noise of the city. I bought a 1900 terrace and naively presumed the walls would be thicker. Big mistake (now learnt) as the walls are like paper and I can hear everything. Even worse is that both sides are occupied by young families which both had 2 year olds when I moved in, now they both have had another child.
One side I get along with great as they are very respectful and try their best to keep noise to the minimum. Having a 6 year old myself I understand the frustration of tantrums and controlling a child. The key to this is respect which the other side seems to lack. The child is like a demon and has regular tantrums which I know is hard to control and remain calm with. The problem is with how they talk to the child, scream at it, do not give it regular bed times (one night its 7pm then its 10:30pm when they get in) also staying in bed till noon and shouting at your child to go back to bed all exacerbates this problem. They seem to be on the uneducated side and always talk loudley in the same dreary voice. Also shouting from downstairs to upstairs shows a lack of respect to neighbors both sides.
Unfortunately I can hear all this and can't help but become accustomed to listening and knowing their habits. For me its a major let down and partly my own fault but on 3 viewings the property was quiet so what else could I have done. I also have anxiety issues with sensitivity to noise so yeh I'm pretty ****ed at the situation.
It's been 14 months now, the property needed no work and is in a good sought after area so not long until I can look to jumping somewhere else.
Personally I get frustrated that we have to listen to other peoples lives, especially those that show a lack of respect which is key to me and my level of stress. The only safe option is a detached eventually which I hopefully will get to. I sometimes feel extremely unlucky but I know there is worse and it goes on everywhere. For now filling the house with radio, tv and ambient noise apps on my phone has really helped especially with sleep while screaming babies are going off.
Good to get this off my chest even though offering no advice, its crazy that living with such noise is just accepted as part of life (tolerating the noise of other people's lives, perfect world...)
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Soldato
But if you already knew they both had young children...why did you take the house then ?
I live in a late 70s terrace house with cavity walls and reasonably good sound proofing, so they really have to shout for me to barely hear them. But you can still hear it if people slam doors and loud noises right up against the walls. I do know one side used to have a very squeeky bed 
But luckily people in my cul-de-sac are well behaved.
But luckily people in my cul-de-sac are well behaved.
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Caporegime
There is a big difference between parents who let their kids do whatever the **** they like and those who actually put the effort in to be good parents who have some consideration for those around them. Yes you get problem children who despite the parents best efforts are a nightmare but most kids you see who are out of control have **** parents who either ignore them or shout and generally reinforce the idea that shouting is how you communicate.
Its like the shows about parents who have "tried everything" to make them behave. They haven't, they are just **** at it. They threaten to take away the childs phone or tv and never do etc.
Either way, you can't expect people with young children to control them and not make noise but there are limits to what should be acceptable. From a reasonably young age my parents taught me to respect other people and that you own enjoyment does not trump other peoples. If we lived in a flat my mum would have told me off if we stomped about unnecessarily. As with all things there is no clear single rule about whats acceptable. It depends on the age of the child and how poor the sound proofing is.
I was at a tkmaxx the other day while a child of about 5 or 6 was actively trying to stomp as loudly as they could on the second floor. They were jumping up and down trying to create the loudest bang they could. What was the mother doing as the whole place was reverberating? Ignoring them entirely because who gives a ****. Doesn't bother her so **** everyone else.
Its like the shows about parents who have "tried everything" to make them behave. They haven't, they are just **** at it. They threaten to take away the childs phone or tv and never do etc.
Either way, you can't expect people with young children to control them and not make noise but there are limits to what should be acceptable. From a reasonably young age my parents taught me to respect other people and that you own enjoyment does not trump other peoples. If we lived in a flat my mum would have told me off if we stomped about unnecessarily. As with all things there is no clear single rule about whats acceptable. It depends on the age of the child and how poor the sound proofing is.
I was at a tkmaxx the other day while a child of about 5 or 6 was actively trying to stomp as loudly as they could on the second floor. They were jumping up and down trying to create the loudest bang they could. What was the mother doing as the whole place was reverberating? Ignoring them entirely because who gives a ****. Doesn't bother her so **** everyone else.
Read OP - They wernt there when we decided to buy.
Man of Honour
I think he was replying to TheMeekon.
Again, thanks for all the comments.
I think some may have the wrong end of the stick. I don't expect a child to act like an adult. I don't expect to never run around and I know that controlling kids is very difficult (I have a much younger sister who was a nightmare child!)
However, the parents need to take responsibility. It's not on to let your child run around at 3 in the morning when you live above another family and know it causes a lot of noise. That is the time when as a parent you have to take responsibility and sit down with or lay down with in order not to disturb the family below.
I guess summing up, rather worryingly, I have to point out to some on here my issue and moans are not with the kid, it is with the parents!
I think some may have the wrong end of the stick. I don't expect a child to act like an adult. I don't expect to never run around and I know that controlling kids is very difficult (I have a much younger sister who was a nightmare child!)
However, the parents need to take responsibility. It's not on to let your child run around at 3 in the morning when you live above another family and know it causes a lot of noise. That is the time when as a parent you have to take responsibility and sit down with or lay down with in order not to disturb the family below.
I guess summing up, rather worryingly, I have to point out to some on here my issue and moans are not with the kid, it is with the parents!
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Associate
"Although not quite the same problem" I said.
I was fine with this at the time coming from being surrounded with constant parties in the city. As I explained in the post, my naivety was presuming the walls would be thicker and my problem isn't with the children but the parents on one side lack of respect.
I accept the noise of children having my own child. My point is the walls and the lack of respect from the adults on one side. I was unlucky with my 3 viewings that none of this was active at the time.
Anyways I've learn from this and look forward.
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I am not sure a terraced house is for you!
Soldato
I feel like a lot of this issue is down to the parent's response to having the situation pointed out to them, I appreciate part of this might be due to the language barrier.
If the kid is running around every night at 3am that's clearly not ideal for the OP, for the parents, or for the kid, having said that these things do happen. Had the parents said something along the lines of "We're really sorry, our child is going through a bit of a phase where she won't sleep through and gets up at stupid o'clock, we're working on it and we'll try to make sure it doesn't bother you but please bear with us" then I think the OP might have given them some slack. As it stands they've responded along the lines of "Not my problem bruv", not overly helpful.
Nobody should expect a parent to be able to make their child act like a well rounded adult, but there are limits to what is acceptable and the impact of a child's actions on other people are the responsibility of the parent.
If the kid is running around every night at 3am that's clearly not ideal for the OP, for the parents, or for the kid, having said that these things do happen. Had the parents said something along the lines of "We're really sorry, our child is going through a bit of a phase where she won't sleep through and gets up at stupid o'clock, we're working on it and we'll try to make sure it doesn't bother you but please bear with us" then I think the OP might have given them some slack. As it stands they've responded along the lines of "Not my problem bruv", not overly helpful.
Nobody should expect a parent to be able to make their child act like a well rounded adult, but there are limits to what is acceptable and the impact of a child's actions on other people are the responsibility of the parent.
Soldato
From OP it is not really a 'your problem, not mine' response but rather 'kids will be kids, and cant stop them from playing'. Which is understandable, I doubt any child is always easy to deal with.
Man of Honour
The language barrier will almost certainly have made a response like that probably sound much more abrupt than they may have meant.
When I have to deal with our factory in Poland while their English is good their tone can be quite abrupt and almost confrontational simply due to the lack of for want of a better word polish to their language skills.
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Soldato
I'd accept that response in normal circumstances, but at 3am everyday when it clearly causes a disruption? I'm not sure it's enough to just fob it off that way. I'm not a parent so anything I say needs to be taken with a pinch of salt but if I had a child who routinely got out of bed and started running around at 3am I'd be at least trying to change that behaviour. I might fail miserably but I would definitely be trying, for my sanity more than anyone elses! I'm just saying the situation might have been different if the parents had tried, or at least were able to articulate to the OP that they were trying, or what any particular extenuating circumstances may be.
Might just be me though, I'm firmly in the camp that 95% of conflict can be avoided or mitigated through effective communication and the ability to understand each others point of view and challenges. Maybe I'm being a bit pie in the sky.
Soldato
We have no indication of whether the parents have tried or not. Like OP said, he things there is a language barrier and ti was difficult speaking to them, so i wouldn't take the quoted words as literally as they have been written.
I am doubtful any parent would be happy with their kid running up and down the hall why they try and catch some Z's in the room next door and would be surprised that they have not tried to put a stop to it. I certainly wouldn't assume the parents just dont care, just the noise would drive them nuts if its as bad as OP says.
I am doubtful any parent would be happy with their kid running up and down the hall why they try and catch some Z's in the room next door and would be surprised that they have not tried to put a stop to it. I certainly wouldn't assume the parents just dont care, just the noise would drive them nuts if its as bad as OP says.
who cares, just sound proof and be done with it. also helps drown out other noises, its part of the problem with converted flats and if i purchased such a place would be one of the first things i do.
you cant stop kids and hes not going to get anywhere legally,
Soldato
It is what i have said from the start