shes cheating on you imo.
Seriously feeling Down in the Dumps!..
- Thread starter Simian
- Start date
shes cheating on you imo.
Chin up chap.
Things often take a turning for the worse and sometimes that inevitable rut appears to have unscalable & slippery walls, but worry not. Take yourself away from the situation for a few hours where you can be at peace with yourself i.e. fishing/coastal walk/beach.
During this getaway think not about the upset and possibilities of what she might be doing etc etc- that will only stress and exacerbate the situation in your mind leading to further upset.
Set yourself some objective points and reinforce them again in a word doc. or something when you return home-
- What needs to be done immediately?
- What provisions need to be made for the occaission when you find things too much at home and need to get away?
- What friends haven't you seen in a while who you are long overdue for a beer with?
- What are you doing tomorrow evening? What are you doing next weekend?= plan your spare time and stick to it
Do not allow yourself to be in a position where you are sat with nothing to do & dwelling on matters that you need to be distanced from.
Make the provisions necessary for all the 'messy' side of things and then get yourself busy- active, relieving strsses through physical exercise (also getting buff will boost your confidence) go and really use your mates- you won't be a burden nomatter what you think- they are there as mates and you wouldn't think twice about helping them so let them help you a little now
Of course you can sit trawling through OCUK reading opinions from 'punch her in the ovaries' to 'dont be weak- hang her'p) etc... but if I were you, get out there and start DOING!
Email in trust if you ever fancy a chat to a more annonymous person- somewhat disconnected from your situation
Things often take a turning for the worse and sometimes that inevitable rut appears to have unscalable & slippery walls, but worry not. Take yourself away from the situation for a few hours where you can be at peace with yourself i.e. fishing/coastal walk/beach.
During this getaway think not about the upset and possibilities of what she might be doing etc etc- that will only stress and exacerbate the situation in your mind leading to further upset.
Set yourself some objective points and reinforce them again in a word doc. or something when you return home-
- What needs to be done immediately?
- What provisions need to be made for the occaission when you find things too much at home and need to get away?
- What friends haven't you seen in a while who you are long overdue for a beer with?
- What are you doing tomorrow evening? What are you doing next weekend?= plan your spare time and stick to it
Do not allow yourself to be in a position where you are sat with nothing to do & dwelling on matters that you need to be distanced from.
Make the provisions necessary for all the 'messy' side of things and then get yourself busy- active, relieving strsses through physical exercise (also getting buff will boost your confidence) go and really use your mates- you won't be a burden nomatter what you think- they are there as mates and you wouldn't think twice about helping them so let them help you a little now
Of course you can sit trawling through OCUK reading opinions from 'punch her in the ovaries' to 'dont be weak- hang her'
p) etc... but if I were you, get out there and start DOING! Email in trust if you ever fancy a chat to a more annonymous person- somewhat disconnected from your situation
Soldato
Go for the more expensive adultery option and screw her for everything she owns
Ask her whilst blubbing if she is seeing anyone else, when she feels sorry for you and tells you she is, laugh in her face and take her for everything you can
This.
Don
fair play trickyj, nice reply
Man of Honour
Largely for the information of markyp23 but in Scotland there are five grounds/flavours - adultery, unreasonable behaviour, the two years is with consent of both partners, desertion is two years (rarely used) and finally there is the option of 5 years where no consent is required.
Sorry to hear about your situation, maybe it might be worth taking a couple of days off and going away somewhere to clear your head. This helps some people but if you are the type to brood on things then it might be better to keep busy at work.
I'll have to remember this.Go for the more expensive adultery option and screw her for everything she owns
Ask her whilst blubbing if she is seeing anyone else, when she feels sorry for you and tells you she is, laugh in her face and take her for everything you can
Where have you got those sort of figures from?
You could very easily use adultery or unreasonable behaviour if you just make up the adultery/behaviour and the other side does not contest it. The judge can quite easily rubber stamp this. The longer you wait, the greater the chance of things souring between you two and things getting worse - eg her new partner persuades her that she could get a bigger share of the house etc if they push for things go to court.
If in 2 years she's quite happy to cohabit but you've got a new partner and want to be divorced asap, she could quite happily twist the knife by refusing to consent to the 2 years separation proceedings, forcing you to use the flavour you forgot , which is FIVE years separation without consent to proceedings, UNLESS you offer her a "fair share" of things.
If you sell the house + pay off debts now and opt for a rubber-stamped divorce by pretending unreasonable behaviour/adultery as a means of doing things quickly, while you're still amicable, that could help things further down the line.
Soldato
Dude you still love the **** outta her and why shouldnt you! maybe she just enjoying the thrill of something new...if its any cosolation i doubt it will last if she is having a fling
though you could try win her back with the tiniest, sweetest thing that you both share or something, think long and hard....chicks love that romantic crap
though you could try win her back with the tiniest, sweetest thing that you both share or something, think long and hard....chicks love that romantic crap
Hi Simon
Sorry to hear of the position you are in, and I can understand what talking to a complete stranger can offer, At they will not know either party involved and therefore there wont be any side taking.
Obviously, the humourous posts here like "punch her in the ovaries like previously mentioned are light hearted and intended to make you smile, but they dont offer a realistic way forward.
My best mate split with his wife a few months ago after 2-years of marriage so I know what your likely to be experiencing, he is my best mate, and his wife is my wifes best mate, so we were stuck well and truly in the middle.
You didn't mention it in your opening post, so can only assume that there aren't children involved, in which case thats a positive thing.
My suggestion would be for you to move out for a few weeks. I know this can be seen as running away from the situation, but this will allow both you and your wife space, and allow you to both think clearly without getting into arguements and making the situation worse. I assume you have family or a friend nearby that can put you up for a short while given the circumstances.
Dont make any contact with her, but before you leave advise her you will stay away for a while, 1 maybe 2 weeks and then if she hasnt made contact then you will with her to discuss how to proceed with the seperation, or reconciliation should that be the decision.
Once away you can either sit there dwelling on what will or will not happen or you can try and move on as you would should you and your wife not be able to reconcile. It more than likely wont happen, but some genuine time apart, with no contact might make her realise she does love you and she made a rash decision by telling you its over.
If its over, and she hasnt contacted you, and then you contact her, meet somewhere public (lunch/dinner is usually the best) and discuss a fair split. My mate decided to allow his wife to keep the family home because they had children involved, and as she was a housewife he advised he would pay the mortgage on the house for the 1st 6-months while she found a job, but said that after this 6th month he would no longer contribute to the house. If she didn't have a job, and therefore couldn't afford the mortgage, then they would sell. If she could afford the mortgage he is going to hand over his share of the house. It will leave him well out of pocket, but gives him a 100% clear break.
The other option the discussed was to sell the home, clear all debts, regardless of who they belonged to, as even though the debt was in her name, or his, they both technically during their marriage contributed to it. Whatever was left they split equally. However, because of children, and her family living too far away, they decided against this for the time being.
As above, should you wish to talk to someone anonymous I am willing to lend an ear.
Good luck, and although its not an easy process, it will get easier in time.
Sorry to hear of the position you are in, and I can understand what talking to a complete stranger can offer, At they will not know either party involved and therefore there wont be any side taking.
Obviously, the humourous posts here like "punch her in the ovaries like previously mentioned are light hearted and intended to make you smile, but they dont offer a realistic way forward.
My best mate split with his wife a few months ago after 2-years of marriage so I know what your likely to be experiencing, he is my best mate, and his wife is my wifes best mate, so we were stuck well and truly in the middle.
You didn't mention it in your opening post, so can only assume that there aren't children involved, in which case thats a positive thing.
My suggestion would be for you to move out for a few weeks. I know this can be seen as running away from the situation, but this will allow both you and your wife space, and allow you to both think clearly without getting into arguements and making the situation worse. I assume you have family or a friend nearby that can put you up for a short while given the circumstances.
Dont make any contact with her, but before you leave advise her you will stay away for a while, 1 maybe 2 weeks and then if she hasnt made contact then you will with her to discuss how to proceed with the seperation, or reconciliation should that be the decision.
Once away you can either sit there dwelling on what will or will not happen or you can try and move on as you would should you and your wife not be able to reconcile. It more than likely wont happen, but some genuine time apart, with no contact might make her realise she does love you and she made a rash decision by telling you its over.
If its over, and she hasnt contacted you, and then you contact her, meet somewhere public (lunch/dinner is usually the best) and discuss a fair split. My mate decided to allow his wife to keep the family home because they had children involved, and as she was a housewife he advised he would pay the mortgage on the house for the 1st 6-months while she found a job, but said that after this 6th month he would no longer contribute to the house. If she didn't have a job, and therefore couldn't afford the mortgage, then they would sell. If she could afford the mortgage he is going to hand over his share of the house. It will leave him well out of pocket, but gives him a 100% clear break.
The other option the discussed was to sell the home, clear all debts, regardless of who they belonged to, as even though the debt was in her name, or his, they both technically during their marriage contributed to it. Whatever was left they split equally. However, because of children, and her family living too far away, they decided against this for the time being.
As above, should you wish to talk to someone anonymous I am willing to lend an ear.
Good luck, and although its not an easy process, it will get easier in time.
This is exactly what we're doing!. Once its sold and we're clear we're going our separate ways.. me with the Cats!.. Her on her own!.. we don't have Kids!
We've made lists, got them made official.. its just time now!.
Thanks for the offers of an impartial ear (to all who offered) I might actually take you up on em!!..
I've done a few weekends at me parents and sisters.. but its too far to commute to work to stay any longer!. She's up in Whitby this weekend (till Wednesday) so I've got 4 Days to my self (well and the Cats)..
I'm looking at joining a Gym or doing some Ti-Chi/tek-won-do or summut to get fit in the near future too!!..
Cheers Guys.
I've been in exactly the same place and you need to bail, don't draw it out, be clinical about it, do what you need to do and then worry about if you can be friends or not later, right now you need to look after yourself and do what needs to be done because sadly she will be looking out for herself now and that may mean she does something that will hurt you.
Permabanned
Soldato
is that the wife on your website? the one with glasses? ready for a close up?
I just noticed the wedding anniversary excerpt on the front page of his site, with the picture of them two on their wedding day.
Soldato
found that after i posted lol i just cliked photos rather than myWEBBIE lol pick ya self up matey, your a handsome looking chap, you can do far better 
Caporegime
ConTRo13R are you offering yourself? What a hero.