Shaking hands with women

Marmot · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:37

How is it supposed to be done? I either feel phalanges clicking beneath my grip and feel guilty, or arguably worse I present them with the dead fish and feel sheepish when I receive a stronger grip than I anticipated. Does anyone have any advice for me please? I feel like getting to the bottom of this is one of the more pressing concerns in my life right now.

Kosmiche · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:40

Grab their shoulders and kiss them on the cheek? Thats how I've seen it done in movies.

wnb · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:40

I hate shaking women's hands its like shaking a wet fish. Generally I look em straight in the eye and give them a good hard squeeze. They want equal rights give them hand shake you would give a man.

Minstadave · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:42

Just slap them on the bum. It's the way god intended.

Uncle Petey · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:43

There's middle ground between death grip and wet fish, surely?

Cosimo · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:44

Minstadave said:
Just slap them on the bum. It's the way god intended.

He does want to get to the bottom of this one.

arknor · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:45

handshakes are for people who can't fight.

oh yea I'm more manly because I squeeze your hand with a firmer grip than you do, look how superior I am.

Real men do pistols at dawn, whoever urinates the highest up the bosses wall wins

Marmot · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:46

Minstadave said:
Just slap them on the bum. It's the way god intended.

In a social setting I would agree, but this simply isn't appropriate in business.

Dis86 · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:47

Uncle Petey said:
There's middle ground between death grip and wet fish, surely?

There is, but women just don't know how to get there. Every one I've dealt with has been like a wet fish.

Uncle Petey · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:49

Brofist is universal, right?

More hygienic too.

kwerk · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:51

Dead fish with not even the whole hand, just sort of the fingers. And not a long shake either, only 1 second or less. Men and women.

Uncle Petey · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:57

The last guy that gave me the wet-fish-handshake-with-only-the-fingers also happened to be an utter ****...

Your name isn't Christian is it, Kwerk?

Pawnless Endgame · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:59

Huh, long time no see, Kwerk!

Minstadave · 2 Aug 2014 at 16:59

Kiss proffered hand creepily for a more professional touch.

Westyfield2 · 2 Aug 2014 at 17:01

wnb said:
I hate shaking women's hands its like shaking a wet fish. Generally I look em straight in the eye and give them a good hard squeeze. They want equal rights give them hand shake you would give a man.

Minstadave said:
Just slap them on the bum. It's the way god intended.

Tuppy_Glossop · 2 Aug 2014 at 17:02

I do a soft shake and then turn the back of their hand upwards, raise it a bit, look them in the eye and ask, "May I ?". If they say yes I kiss the back of their hand.

I can pull it off (fnarr fnarr) because I'm quite a charmer, but it's a fine line between smooth mac daddy and cheesy chav.

Ayahuasca · 2 Aug 2014 at 17:04

Knuckle breaking clench to confirm alpha

grudas · 2 Aug 2014 at 17:08

I've managed to knock out a few, with a handshake.. !

I know what you mean tho, horrible things lol... I just give a firm-ish handshake but it does feel like holding a sponge/fish tbh.

Steve2000 · 2 Aug 2014 at 17:16

Most women I've encountered for some bizarre reason hold four fingers out horizontal and facing down instead of vertical and facing me. I end up just having to grab their fingers like a sheet of paper.

arknor · 2 Aug 2014 at 17:19

Steve2000 said:
Most women I've encountered for some bizarre reason hold four fingers out horizontal and facing down instead of vertical and facing me. I end up just having to grab their fingers like a sheet of paper.

They are pointing towards their buttock perhaps you should oblige and give it a firm slap?

Shaking hands with women

Wise Guy